The FBI says ISIS terrorists have written a recruiting poem that promises 72 virgins for them in Heaven. 

- It's designed to appeal to the ruthless, murdering jihadists more sensitive, romantic sides. 

- The poem would really go over well with potential female terrorists...but they're not allowed to read. 

- One of the verses says: "Blowing Yourself Up Has Lots Of Perkas! Like 72 Chicks...Without Their Burkas!" 


The Clinton's made an appearance at the Iowa Steak Fry. 

- Hillary spoke on stage for 23 minutes, while Bill lassoed 23 cowgirls behind the corn dog stand. 


Pope Francis married 40 couples who were already living together during a ceremony at the Vatican, despite the Church's strong stance against "living in sin". 

- When you think about it, letting them get married is a great way to stop them from having sex. 


Hurricane Odile struck land in Mexico injuring 84 people. 

- Put another way, Hurricane Odile injured everyone still living in Mexico. 

- Odile? Apparently Kim Kardashian and Gwyneth Paltrow are co-chairs of the "Hurricane Naming Committee". 


Rosie O'Donnell told Vanity Fair that she's returning to "The View" because she's much happier and healthier now that she's lost 53 pounds by having her stomach stapled. 

- Well Whoopi for her! 

- Next the producers are going to work on stapling her mouth. 


A study by USA Today found that 58% of NFL players have suffered concussions. 

- Tomorrow they'll reveal how many concussions their wives have suffered. 


ESPN says we need to re-program the violent way in which we raise men. 

- So look for the "ESPN Fantasy Pilates Play-Off's" coming soon to a TV near you. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!