24-year-old Playboy model Cathy Schmitz married 81-year-old Australian Billionaire Richard Lugner over the weekend. 

- She said it was “Love at first sight!”…of his bank balance. 

- Despite their wealth, they celebrated at Denny’s because he gets the Senior Discount and she can still order off the kids menu. 

- Friends of the couple say it won’t be long before the lovebirds will be changing Diapers… 

- They actually have a lot in common…her biological clock is ticking, and as of this writing, so is his heart. 

*****

Sarah Palin says she owes America an apology for losing the 2008 election to Barack Obama. 

- According to most polls, Barack Obama owes America an apology for Winning the 2008 election. 

*****

Scientists have discovered a plant-eating dinosaur that weighs more than a T-Rex. 

- They’re calling it a “Vege-Sauraus”. 

- They discovered the bones near a the ruins of a “Whole Foods” store. 

*****

British Prime Minister David Cameron says he’ll be devastated if Scotland and England break up. 

- Insiders say he feels the same way about Beyonce and Jay Z. 

*****

A report by USA Today says 38 NFL players have been arrested this so far this year. Last year a total of 57 were arrested. 

- So if you want to kill two birds with one stone, forget watching “Cops” and just tune in to Monday Night Football. 

*****

Ray Rice and his wife received a huge ovation from the crowd when he returned to his high school football field on Saturday. 

- It makes sense if you consider that in his senior year he was voted “Most Likely To Beat The Bejabbers Out Of Your Future Wife In An Elevator”. 

- So they’ll boo a ref for making a bad call, but they applaud Ray Rice…It’s good to see they’ve got their priorities in order. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick