A study by the University of Virginia found that having a large, formal wedding leads to a happier marriage. 

- Try telling that to Jackie Purtan!!!


President Obama vowed to be "relentless" against ISIS jihadists. 

- He then had lunch in the grill and bought a new set of clubs. 


Elizabeth Arden stock plummeted 28% due to a drop in sales for Justin Bieber's cologne. 

- So Elizabeth dropped the Bieber fragrance and will soon launch the "Scent of Charlie Sheen". (It's preferred by 2 out of 2 Hookers). 


McDonald's announced plans to sell it's ground coffee for customers to brew at home. 

- So now you'll be able to stay at home and ask yourself if you want fries with that. 


A survey shows that residents of Tokyo, Japan get less sleep that any other city in the world.  

- The survey was conducted by calling people during the middle of the night. 

- The results are being disputed by the residents of Ferguson, Missouri. 


The Reverend Al Sharpton has announced a protest march against the New York City Police.

- Wow. When does this guy have time to agitate crowds in all those other cities???  

- Seems like only yesterday he was upsetting things in Missouri...because he was! 


Iceland's Bardarbunda Volcano could disrupt air travel between North America and Europe if it erupts. 

- I thought "Bardarbunga" was Bart Simpson's catchphrase.  (who borrowed it from Howdy Doody). 


Pope Francis announced plans to visit New York City. 

- He can't wait to get a hot dog from a street vendor while driving by in his Pope Mobile. 

- He'd better not set his hat on the ground or people might mistake it for another sky scraper. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast! (#133).