Psychologists at Oregon State University say that men become more unhappy after they hit age 70. 

- They do have occasional periods of happiness, but if the happiness lasts for more than 4 hours they have to go to immediately to the hospital.  

- This applies to everyman over 70...with the possible exception of Hugh Hefner. 


Miley Cyrus was reportedly hospitalized for an allergic reaction to antibiotics. 

- Usually, it's Miley's boyfriends who end up on antibiotics. 

- The doctor who asked her to stick her tongue out and say "ah" was knocked unconscious. 


President Obama and Vladimir Putin had another dispute yesterday. 

- They agreed on everything about Ukraine, but disagreed on whether or not it should be a "shirts on or off" video-call. 


The U.S. Military began an "underwater" search for the Malaysian plane using a special submersible vehicle. 

- Nothing on the plane yet, but radar shows something that looks a lot like Jimmy Hoffa. 


A lock of Napoleon Bonaparte's hair was stolen from a museum in Australia. 

- Curators say it will be easy to identify because the hair contains traces of "Just For French Dictators". 

- What was his hair doing in Australia? I thought he lost everything in Waterloo. 

- No one knows which side of his head the hair came from, but experts agree Napoleon always Bona-parted it on the right side. (ba-da-boom) 


US Airways apologized again for Tweeting a picture of a naked woman in response to a customer complaint. 

- I don't know why they're apologizing...once he got the naked pic, the customer stopped complaining. 


MSNBC Host Laurence O'Donnell suffered mild injuries after getting hit by a Taxi while on vacation. 

- Usually, MSNBC hosts come back from vacation and get hit by a pink-slip. 

- What's most shocking is that there actually are Republican Taxi drivers. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!