A survey found that 31% of Christians have given up Social Media for lent.
- Let's see if we can get 100,000 "Likes" for this on Facebook!
- This is explains the 31% decrease in pictures of "cute cats" and must-try pot roast recipes on my newsfeed.
- It's led to a new medical condition called PTSD...Post Twitter Stress Disorder.
A pastor in Tennessee has started a website aim at guilting church goers into tipping better at restaurants.
- I can see it now... "Tip 20% Or This May Be Your Last Supper!"
- One parishioner said he'll start tipping 50%...the day his waiter starts turning water into wine.
- The news has really excited employees at the local "Waffle House Of Worship" and "Burger King of Kings".
Publishing sources say that Keith Richards is writing a Children's Book.
- At least they think it's a children's book...they can't read his handwriting.
- The working title is "Hey, Hey, You Kids...Get Offa My Lawn!"
Texas US Representative Sheila Jackson Lee took to the house floor Wednesday and declared that the Constitution is 400 years old.
- I think she meant to say that Keith Richards is 400 years old.
- We should have known she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed when she asked to be sworn into Congress using the "Steve Gutenberg Bible".
Wildlife officials in India are giving birth control pills to monkeys.
- They tried other methods of contraception, but the male monkeys kept putting the condoms on their bananas.
- PETA's gonna go Ape when they hear about this one.
The FDA approved a nerve stimulating headband as the first medical device to prevent headaches.
- Men everywhere are now asking their wives to put on a teddy with a matching nerve stimulation headband."
Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a Shiny New Podcast! (#114).