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NASA wants to put astronauts into a deep sleep to save money on the 180-day trip to Mars. 

- They'll either inject them with anesthetic or play a continuous loop tape of "Anchorman 2". (Sorry if you thought it was funny...I thought it was beyond bad!)

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Despite the dramatic increase in cases of Ebola, the White House announced that the President is not considering a travel ban to/from West Africa. 

- So you can put that trip to Liberia that you've been wanting to take - back on your bucket list...and then kick the bucket! 

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The Supreme Court cleared the way for an expansion of same sex marriage in five more states: Indiana, Utah, Virginia, Wisconsin and Oklahoma. 

- So if a Lesbian in any one of those five states gets her girlfriend pregnant, she can now make an honest woman out of her! No, wait...

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Demi Moore has offered to help ex-husband Ashton Kutcher and his fiancĂ© Mila Kunis with their new baby girl, Wyatt. 

- It makes sense...she's kind of like the kid's Grandmother. 

- Luckily Demi saved all the toys she bought for Ashton when they were dating! 

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Bruce Jenner showed up at an Elton John concert the other night with an even more flowing hair-do and white earrings. 

- Elton and Bruce have a lot in common...although Elton's a lot more manly. 

- Bruce's favorite song used to be "Rocketman"... now it's "The Bitch Is Back". 

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FBI agents arrested a Chicago teen at O'Hare Airport who was leaving to join ISIS. 

- Remember the good old days when rebellious teens just sneaked behind the school to smoke a cigarette??? 

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FBI Director James Comey says there are two kinds of American companies: those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those that don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese. 

- To find out which company you work for, check the FBI's handy chart labeled, "Column A and Column B". 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick