Disneyland announced that it’s raising adult ticket prices to $92 a day, but insisted that it’s still a good value. 

- Finally! They’ll be able to buy Donald Duck some pants!


A letter obtained by the Associated Press indicates that al Qaeda fired a terrrorist from it’s North African Branch. 

- On the bright side, he’s already been offered a job at the IRS. 

- So now he’s gonna have to get his 72 virgins the old-fashioned way…join a College Fraternity. 


Starbucks is going to forbid smoking within 25 feet of it’s stores. 

- I suggest they tell they’re customers BEFORE serving them a Dark Roast Grande with six shots of espresso. 


Dunkin’ Donuts is introducing a new breakfast menu item: fried egg and bacon inside a split glazed donut “bun”. 

- If you order the combo, it comes with a small coffee and a portable defibrilator. 

- And for a buck more…you can get sausage sprinkles on your donut!


The Vatican refuted Pope Francis’s suggestion that even Atheists can get into heaven. 

- The Pope then announced that people who work at the Vatican CAN’T get into heaven. 

- This takes “going over your bosses head” to a whole new level.


Germany has officially dropped the longest word in the German language: Rindfleischetikettierungsuberwachungsaufgavenubertragungsgesetz. 

- It was actually Hitler’s pet name for Eva Braun… before he killed her.  


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!