Madonna was skewered on twitter for showing up at a charity event with her face swollen from plastic surgery.

- She did it on purpose to distract from the limp she was sporting from her hip-replacement surgery. 


Tiger Woods kicked his girlfriend, Olympic skier Lindsay Vonn out of his house, thus ending their relationship.

- Apparently he’s learned it’s better to kick the woman out before she chases you out with a nine iron.  


President Obama will appoint Susan Rice as his National Security Advisor this afternoon.

- Her first job is to go on five Sunday morning talk shows and explain that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was a spontaneous reaction to an anti-sushi YouTube video. 


A new study found that more than a third of US marriages now start online, and those that do, are slightly happier than couples who met offline

- Or as “offline” used to be known…actually going on a date.  


The New York Office of Mental Health is selling a refrigerator from the Morgue, on eBay. 

- The morgue fridge is described as “previously enjoyed”. 

- It’s a great place to keep expired food until garbage day! 


German doctors say a man spent 15 years with a pencil stuck in his head after a childhood accident.

- The man was so traumatized, he actually erased the event from his memory.

- This explains why everyone called him “Dixon Ticonderoga” even though his name was Bob.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!