Bill Gates and his foundation are offering a $100,000 grant to anyone who can build a better condom. 

- Question: Does this count as a “Software Update”? 

- Bill tried to do it himself, but his plan to install “Windows” in each condom just didn’t work out. 

- He’s taken a lot of ribbing about the grant. 

- A lot of guys would settle for one that doesn’t leave a ring impression on their wallet. 


Pope Francis met with Pope Benedict over the weekend. 

- They reportedly prayed, blessed each other, and compared their March Madness Brackets. 

- There was also a private Easter Egg Hunt…It took Benedict 15 minutes to find the eggs hidden under Pope Francis’s giant hat. 


The government sequester cuts have led to the closing of 149 air traffic control towers. 

- So now the drunken pilots aren’t going to have anybody to talk to but their drunken co-pilots. 

- Ironically, all the money the government “saved” will be spent at the Home Depot buying red paint for the giant red arrows and “LAND HERE” signs they’re going to have to put on the runways. 


People in Washington started lining up three days in advance for the Supreme Court hearings into gay marriage. 

- There haven’t been that many snappily dressed men in one place since Fashion Week in New York. 

- They camped out with the usual blankets, protest signs, and water bottles filled with a crisp Chardonay with a subtle woodsy aftertaste. 

- The crowd has been peaceful so far, except for Rosie O’Donnel who got mad because…well, that’s what she does. 


Scientists say the best way to get rid of a song that’s stuck in your head is to do a puzzle. 

- It works great…especially with pesky songs you don’t even want to think about like “It’s a Small World Afterall”, “Midnight at the Oasis” and “The Macarena”.


In an interview with Esquire, Hugh Hefner said he’s slept with over 1000 women but has never cheated on any of them. 

- It’s amazing that he’s slept with that many Bunnies and yet the Rabbit never died! 

- If Wilt Chamberlain was still alive, he’d call Hef “an amateur”. 


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!



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