Obama sings.jpeg

Michelle Obama went on a talk show hosted by rapper "Bow Wow" and said that her husband, the President, "has swag" and "spends a lot of time in the bathroom just singing". 

- It's beginning to look like he'll have to change his tune about Obamacare. 

- Lately he's been crooning songs like "Promises, Promises", "Desperado", and "Take This Job and Shove It". 


India is planning on putting female monkeys on the pill to help cut down on the monkey population. 

- It's expensive, but compared to the cost of caring for a surplus of monkeys, Indian officials say it's "Chimp Change". 

- They would have used condoms, but the male monkeys don't have a pocket to keep their wallets in. 


Pilots will soon have to have their Body Mass Indexes checked, and if it's over 40 (indicating too much weight), they'll have to be assessed for sleep apnea...which causes interrupted sleep and could affect their performance. 

- Pilots argue they've got plenty of time to catch up on their zzzzzz's during the flight. 

- Some pilots are so big, the front of the plane is now known as the "Crock Pot Pit". 


The city council in Toronto has stripped admitted crack-using, heavy drinking, foul-mouthed Mayor Rob Ford of all powers except his title. Ford shot back that the city council is "Saddam Hussein", he is "Kuwait" and this is war. 

- Prepare for "Operation Desert Stoned".

- You gotta give him props for sorta kinda being up to date...at least back to 1991!


Kayne West has released a new video for his song "Bound 2" that depicts a topless Kim Karsashian riding behind him on a Motorcycle as they roar past famous American tourist spots. 

- First stop: The Grand Tetons. 


- HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius boasted Tuesday that 2 - that's right 2! - Floridians successfully signed up using the Obamacare website yesterday. 

- Wow! Two down...only 300 Million+ to go! 

- It's official: You now have a better chance of winning the Mega-Millions Powerball Lotto than you do of getting health care for your family! 


Tech experts testified in front of Congress yesterday that in addition to all the glitches...70% of the healthcare website hasn't even been built yet.

- Apparently Joe Biden's brother-in-law is building it as a favor and he can only work on it every other Saturday. 

It was also revealed that security on the site is so lax, hackers have already gotten the Social Security numbers and other personal info of thousands of Americans. 

- Why go to the problem of hacking when you can just ask the NSA? 


MSNBC will not invite Alec Baldwin back to host his late night show despite apologizing for his homophobic rant to a photographer. 

- Apparently Rachel Maddow has more pull at the network than people were led to believe. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!