During a conference call with community organizers yesterday regarding Health Care, President Obama "misspoke" and told them that "100 Million Americans" have successfully signed up for insurance through the Obamacare website. He apparently meant to say the "100 Thousand" figure that the White House announced last week. 

- The President says he got the idea for "100 Million Americans" after watching Dr. Evil in an Austin Powers movie. 

- This is what happens when you put Joe Biden in charge of the calculator. 

- The only thing 100 Million Americans will successfully get their hands on this month is the McRib Sandwich at McDonalds. 


Speaking of Joe Biden...He said Monday that Obamacare will eventually become a success, then added "God willing". 

- God had no comment. 


A mechanic in Argentina has developed a birthing tool that helps mothers deliver their babies more easily. 

- The hard part is getting her to agree to go up on the hoist. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to the term "The Jaws of Life". 

- The mechanic boasts that he'll also also attach cables to her battery and give her a free jump. 


The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended that kids under 2 should avoid all screen time on tablets because it slows their development. 

- However it does help kids learn to talk. Just ask their iMoms and iDads. 

- So stick to the old-fashioned way of parenting and plop them down in front of the TV set! 


George Zimmerman has been arrested again, after he allegedly pointed a gun at his girlfriend and locked her out of her own house. 

- She should know better than to come home from the store with a bag of Skittles. 

- Zimmerman claims she bought the wrong brand of coffee forcing him to utilize the "Stand Your Grounds" law. 


Today is National Toilet Day. 

- And Urine-vited to celebrate! 

- Most men will honor their toilet with a Standing Ovation. 


Researchers have discovered that cold weather makes men frisky. 

- Which puts them in a tough spot since it also causes shrinkage. 

- So it's not shoveling the driveway that causes heart attacks, it's thinking about what they're gonna do afterwards!

- No wonder Snowmen always have a smile on their face. 


A new smartphone app called "Panic Me" acts as a panic button so you can alert someone to rescue you if you think you're in trouble or danger. 

- In Toronto, it's known as the "Mayor Rob Ford Just Walked In" button. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!