I’m Just Sari This Didn’t Happen Sooner…
Ford Motor Company is expected to announce today that they will launch eight new vehicles in India by 2015 as it tries to gain market share in the rapidly growing automotive market.
So they’re basically trying to curry favor with Indian drivers.
Ford’s slogan in India will be: “Have You Driven a Ford in Sandals Lately?”
It’ll be nice knowing that the Indian guy you spend hours on the phone with trying to fix your computer drove to work in an American car.
To make the Indians more comfortable, Ford will drop “Horsepower” and replace it with “Sacred Cow Power”.
Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That!
In an interview with the Atlantic Magazine, former RNC Chairman and President Bush’s 2004 Campaign manager Ken Mehlman revealed that he is gay. Mehlman is the highest-ranking Republican to come out of the closet.
Ironically, it was the same closet Bill Clinton used to hide Monica Lewinsky in when Hillary dropped by the Oval Office.
Former Senator Larry Craig has refused to take a stance on the announcement… but when he does you know it’s gonna be a really wide one!
Democrat Barney Frank said, “I always knew I liked Ken… now I know why”.
I Just Hope He Didn’t Get the (Polite Golf) Clap!
In what she says will be her only interview, Elin Nordegren told People magazine that she was “blindsided” by Tiger Woods multiple affairs and wanted to save the marriage but just couldn’t trust him anymore. The former Mrs. Woods said that she never hit Tiger with a golf club and added “Money can’t buy happiness, or put my family back together.”
Although she did admit, “it could possibly make things a little easier”!!
But still not as easy as Tiger’s mistresses were!
On the bright side for the kids, $500 mil should be enough to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
She may not have hit him with a golf club, but she did do some damage to his putter.
Finally, Something Green In Washington That Can’t Be Spent By Congress!
Jim Henson’s widow Jane has donated the very first Kermit the Frog to the Smithsonian along with some other Muppets. Kermit made his debut in the 1950’s and looked a lot different than the one we know today. Mrs. Henson said the original was made from two ping-pong balls and Henson’s mom’s old, faded green felt coat.
If Jim’s mom had had a gray coat, we would have ended up with Kermit the Toad.
The Swedish Chef will be unable to attend the unveiling ceremony as he was just hired by Elin Nordegren to cook for her kids.
Bert and Ernie, now life partners living in San Francisco, were unavailable for comment.
And Miss Piggy? She was so touched by the gesture she actually cried “puppet-tears”. (Get it?!)
Oh What A Webbed Lawn Chair We Weave!
Listen up suburban dads! Archeologists digging up Roman ruins found a Centurion’s sandal with fibers stuck to it. They believe that means the sandal was worn with socks! They also found evidence of socks in 14 Roman Graves.
So even 2000 years ago there were Roman men sitting on their porches yelling, “Hey thou kidseth, get thineselves off of mine lawn!”
ON A SIDE NOTE: It’s a little known fact that Roman Chariot drivers often reported seeing one lone sandal by the side of the road.
So this many years later, I find out my dad was cool and hip after all!
Business is Way Up!
While businesses everywhere are hurting, the recession actually seems to be helping the sex toy industry. Experts think couples would rather spend their money on something that lasts – unlike an expensive dinner. Even Amazon.com is now offering 60,000 “adult toys” that are selling quite well.
It’s okay to buy them new from Amazon… but just stay away from the “previously enjoyed” stuff on E-Bay.
So a lot of people aren’t waiting for Christmas morning to open something that says, “batteries not included”.
Forget the government! We Americans know how to create our own Stimulus Package!
And finally…
Check out what is perhaps the greatest racehorse call in history…
Have a great day! See you back here tomorrow for my Friday Blog…
-Dick