In case you didn’t think the world was heading down the toilet…
A New York State Senate Judiciary Committee narrowly voted 12-11 Tuesday to defeat the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act, also known as the “Bathroom Bill.” It would’ve opened all single-sex public facilities to both genders INCLUDING cross-dressing men. (I am not making this up!)
- This brings back a fond memory…Anyone remember the days when the ladies would sneak into the men’s rooms at Pine Knob?
- Had the “Bathroom Bill” passed, doors into public restrooms would probably have had to display the figure of a man, a woman, AND a man in a woman’s dress.
Speaking of “Bills”…
On this day in 1934, Donald Duck made his debut in the cartoon, “Wise Little Men.”
- It was rated “R” because Donald didn’t have any pants on.
In other news about “Quacks”…
Tuesday, Lindsay Lohan’s judge ordered her $100,000 bail forfeited, put out an arrest warrant on her, and reset her bail to $200,000. The alarm on the bracelet Lohan wears to monitor alcohol in her sweat reportedly went off five times while she was at the MTV Awards after-party.
- The same alarm goes off on Big Al whenever he eats cake.
- Ironically, later that night, Lindsay’s dog disappeared after jumping over her home’s Invisible Fence.
From One Space Cadet to Another…
If you don’t have the dough to become a “Space Tourist”, you can now upload your photo to FaceInSpace.nasa.gov and have your picture sent up.
- Note to Arizona residences…You need to send two pictures on the shuttle or else you could be arrested for being an illegal “Space Alien”.
- Great, finally I can get rid of that lousy driver’s license picture of mine.
- FaceInSpace? Come on, I still haven’t learned how to change the pictures on our Facebook page!
From “Animal Instincts” to I think this “Animal Stinks”…
Zoo keepers at the Bronx Zoo discovered that the favorite designer fragrance of cheetahs and other big cats is Calvin Klein’s “Obsession”. They sprayed 24 fragrances on rocks and trees and timed the cats to see how long they spent sniffing them. “Obsession” was far and away the favorite with Cheetahs spending an average of 11 minutes sniffing the fragrance. By contrast Estee Lauder’s “Beautiful” held their attention for only 2 seconds!
- It’s the one that smells the least like a dead antelope.
- Tiger Woods’ cologne is popular with serial cheetahs.
- None of the fragrances had an effect on the lions because, well, we all know the “Lions” stink. (Just kidding Coach Schwartz, we know you’re going to turn things around this year!)
There’s always room for a good “Dumb Criminal” story…
Police in New York arrested a man who tried to rob a bank with a TV remote control that he claimed was connected to a bomb. The manager handed him a black bag with unknown contents. He took off, and the cops arrested him two doors away…there was no bomb!
-The police called in reinforcements when the man with the remote threatened to DVR a whole season of Kate Gosselin’s new reality TV series.
- After a 20-hour stand-off, the man finally gave up the remote…to his wife.
Finally, today’s Political Round-Up…
The White House has granted $500,000 to President Obama’s blue-ribbon commission on finding ways to reduce the deficit, after they complained that they were already out of money. A spokesman defended it as a relatively meager budget for a government commission, saying, “We’re not trying to reinvent the wheel.”
- Spending more to help find ways to reduce the deficit? Big Al told me that’s the exact same philosophy he uses to lose weight. The more he eats, the more he knows he needs to lose.
- And Tuesday was a huge day across America. Decisions were being made that could affect Americans for years to come. Will the right person be voted through? Will those people live up to our expectations? Only time will tell…Oh, maybe I should clarify something…I’m not talking about Tuesday’s Election Primaries, I’m talking about Tuesday night’s special two-hour “America’s Got Talent” auditions! Were those folks great or what! I’m thinking of auditioning next year. My talent? Jumping up and down on one foot trying to clear my sinuses in the middle of the night. Vote early and vote often!