Move Over Florine Mark… Try the Jacktown Diet!
Now that Kwame is behind bars, details of his incarceration are coming to light. Most importantly… the Prison Menu! According to sources his first dinner was a choice of Pork Stew or Black Bean Stew over noodles with an Orange or Strawberry Sherbet. Breakfast was bacon and eggs… and lunch? A choice of a PB&J sandwich or a hot dog. That’s not a lot of food for a guy as big as Kwame!
- Word has it he already asked Carlita to bring him a nail file with a cake hidden in it.
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Last night, paint store clerk Lee DeWyze surprised many by beating out Crystal Bowersox to win “American Idol”. The star studded finale featured performances from everyone from the Bee Gee’s to Alice Cooper to William Hung. Plenty of celebs sat in the audience as well – among them, Christy Brinkley and David Hasselhoff. Even the “Pant’s on the Ground” guy was there…
- Speaking of pants on the ground, neither Jesse James or Tiger Woods were in attendance.
- Paula Abdul surprised everyone by showing up… SOBER!
- Guest Singer Joe Cocker said Paula looked great…but added that he couldn’t understand a word she said.
- Speaking of Joe Cocker… between his and William Hung’s performances, I found myself longing for a good old-fashioned Bob Dylan song.
“SIMON SAYS”… SO LONG!
Much of the two-hour finale was devoted to paying homage to Simon Cowell who is leaving after nine seasons as the shows most famous and critical judge. He was surprisingly humble in his goodbye speech – claiming that the viewers are the real judges…
- … then added that they are doing a horrible job.
A lot of comments came in saying that though he was harsh, viewers really appreciated Simon’s honesty.
- So next time your boss calls you a “talentless complete waste of time” be sure to thank him for his honesty.
Ellen DeGeneres joked that Simon “wants her” and has been hitting on her all season.
- Wait… I’m confused. I thought Ryan Seacrest was hitting on Simon all season.
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Yesterday, Disney was rocked by an insider trading scandal… The Feds in L.A. arrested the assistant to a top Disney exec and her boyfriend for allegedly trying to sell top-secret company info. Disney has denied one of the so-called secrets - that they’re trying to sell ABC.
- Everybody sing! “Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to jail they go!”
- Although to be fair, I don’t think telling people “It’s a Small World After All” qualifies as “inside information”.
- The most interesting info they had was that Mickey and Minnie Mouse are seeing a sex therapist.
- In a related story, it was on this date 50 years ago that Donald Duck lost his pants in an insider trading deal gone wrong.
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COMING TOMORROW TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU… “The Week That Was” - a thrilling wrap-up of the week’s top events and my exciting life in retirement! Do the words “clean the garage” mean anything to you?
See ya Friday!
-Dick