Last night, ABC’s two and a half-hour finale of “Lost” left many viewers, well, uh, “lost”. It ended with the character Jack meeting his dead dad and many of the other castaways at his own funeral. Some say it means they’re all dead.
- Well possibly… it was all a DREAM!
Meanwhile on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, Poison singer Bret Michael’s beat out Holly Robinson Peete. He flew to New York after having a brain hemorrhage and a “warning stroke” to be there when Donald Trump announced, “You’re hired”.
- Trump immediately changed his mind when he realized he now had to pay for Bret’s healthcare.
Fergie… Fergie… Fergie…
The Dutchess of York is in hot water…
Sarah Ferguson, ex-wife of Britain’s Prince Andrew was caught on tape selling access to her ex-husband. A journalist, posing as a businessman, gave her a bag with $40,000 cash – plus agreed to wire $700,000 more into her account. Fergie has apologized profusely and claims that she is desperate for money.
- When the Queen heard this, she fell off the Throne – and knocked over the plunger.
- Apparently, when Fergie served as a Spokeswoman for Weight Watchers, the weight she lost was all in her brain.
Officials in Washington, D.C. say some high school students are complaining that the free condoms handed out by school nurses are too small and low quality. So the city has decided to start handing out Trojan condoms – including the companies “Super-Size Magnum”.
- And to think I used to complain about the food in the school cafeteria…
- I guess the “Magnum” is just another example of “Bigger Government”.
- Most of the male students have already applied to USC… Home of the Trojans.
- Those unfamiliar with condoms can find all the answers to their questions in a manual that will be handed out. It’s a pop-up book.
Over the weekend, Briton Don Wales and his team broke the world land speed record for a lawnmower. After showing that the mower could actually cut grass, he took it on a speed course and made it up to an astounding 87 miles per hour.
- The “Fastest Weed-Wacker” part of the competition was cancelled due to an unfortunate accident…
- While driving the mower home, Mr. Wales was ticketed by police for a “Mowing Violation”.
- The good news is he broke the record. The bad news is he has to return the lawn mower to the neighbor he borrowed it from.
Michael Jackson fans in Japan are coughing up $1000 a piece for the chance to spend the night in a room filled with a collection of his clothes, awards and other possessions on June 25th – the 1st anniversary of his death. Organizers say being with possessions of loved ones on the anniversary of their death is an important ritual.
- Right… and charging a thousand bucks for it is an important “Rich”-ual for the organizers.
- I just hope the items aren’t “Bubbles” wrapped.
- For $2000 bucks you can to spend the night with his collection of noses.
- TOTALLY UNTRUE FACT: This event was predicted by “Nostril”-damus two thousand years ago.
- For an extra free, Dr. Murray, Michael’s personal physician will give you a dose of Propofol to help you sleep.
On this date in 1844, Samuel Morse opened America’s first telegraph line by transmitting the message, “What hath God wrought!”
- LITTLE KNOWN HISTORICAL FACT: in 1855, Kwame Kipatrick’s great, great grandfather was caught up in a sex telegraph message scandal.