The Show Must Go On…

If I sound kind of hoarse as you’re reading this, it’s because (da-da-da) my cold has gotten worse and turned into bronchitis. I just got back from the doctor who put me on antibiotics and ordered me to take it easy.  (Okay I added that part to get out of cleaning the garage).  I did have to cancel a trip up north to visit friends and see the fall foliage.  Instead, I’ll just stare at the trees in my backyard and wait for them to change color.  

And Now On With The News…

CBS Radio News correspondent Richard Arenstein and his wife have been arrested on charges of possession and intent to distribute marijuana.  After receiving complaints from neighbors, police arrived at their Washington D.C. home to find an 8 ft. tall cannabis plant, plus packaged pot inside. 

It just shows you that radio guys will do anything to get “higher” ratings.

An 8 foot pot plant?  And to think I couldn’t get one lousy tomato from my As Seen On TV “Topsy Turvey”.

No Ifs or Ands But One Butt

When Raymond Roberts was pulled over in Florida last week, they noticed a strong smell of marijuana in his car.  During a body search, the cops found not one, but two soft objects… well… where the sun don’t shine.  One was a bag of pot, the other a bag containing 27 rocks of crack cocaine.  He copped to the pot, but claimed the crack belonged to a friend. 

He’s claiming his “friend” is a proctologist. 

This gives a whole new meaning to the term “Butt Crack”.

The guys in prison are gonna be thrilled to hear the answer when they ask, “What are you in for?”

In an ironic twist, the story was reported by CBS News correspondent, Richard Arenstein. 

And the Grammy Goes To… 

65-year-old Elsie O’Conner of Florida was pulled over for driving erratically.  The cop said he smelled alcohol on her breath and saw two partially empty bottles of vodka on the front seat.  She failed a sobriety but said to the cop, “Come on now, I’m a grandma, can’t you do something for me since I’m not that bad?”  She then offered to take him home and make him a grilled cheese sandwich.  It didn’t work.  She was charged with DUI. 

It would have worked too if only the cop hadn’t been lactose intolerant! 

She claimed she was depressed and drinking because she had just come from an End of Life Seminar.

A Club They’re Dye-ing to Join! 

A Lithuanian company called “Ooh-la-la” is creating a vacation resort in the Maldives Islands run entirely by blondes.  Critics of the company accuse them of hypocrisy for saying they’re fighting the image of “blonde bimbos” but are actually selling sexiness and are accused of racism – or “hairism” against brunettes, redheads and gray hairs.  The company claims that applicants of all hair colors are welcome, but “once they are surrounded by all these beautiful blondes… eventually they end up going blonde, too.”

It’s gonna take the entire staff just to change one light bulb.

One of the resort workers, a “Miss Clairol” says she thinks critics are just splitting hairs.

If they lose their jobs at the resort, they can always audition for Fox News. 

Cinemax has already planned a mini-series based on the resort.  It’s called “Roots II”.

I Find That A Little Hard To Swallow 

California plastic surgeon Dr. Nicolas Chugay is offering a new weight loss device he call the Miracle Patch.  It’s much cheaper and less invasive than gastric bypass surgery.  It’s just a patch that attaches surgically to the tongue that makes eating solid food difficult and painful.  Thus the patient eats less. 

He was going to have his patients give testimonials on his TV commercials, but no one could understand what they were saying.

If something attached to your tongue limits eating, how come there are so many overweight people on Jerry Springer with pierced tongues?

Come On Over To My Space… 

 “The Social Network”, the movie about the birth of Facebook topped the box office this weekend, taking in $24 million. 

I didn’t have time to see it… I was too busy commenting on the “What do you think of the movie “The Social Network” page on Facebook.

Almost  everyone who saw the movie went to the theater alone because they don’t have any real friends.

Today’s Almanac

On this day in 1535, the first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

And for years afterwards, Swiss cheese makers accidentally referred to it as “The Wholly Book”.


Have a great day… I’m going to gargle warm salt water and we’ll see you right back here tomorrow!

- Dick 




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