Alec Baldwin… who is expecting his 7th Child with his wife Hilaria (and his 8th total) says he has “so many kids” because being a parent is “The Ultimate Journey”.

- Well, that… and - like with guns - Alec has a hard time distinguishing between “blanks” and “live ammo”.

*****

Amazon is getting into the Medical Business…. On Thursday, the company is expected to announce a $3.9 BILLION deal that will give them a “Physical network” of medical offices and doctors.

- This will be great! All those Amazon Prime trucks you see in your neighborhood can deliver your toilet paper and give you a colonoscopy at the same time!!

*****

Prince Harry is reported to have completed his autobiography and it’s expected to be out just in time for the Holidays.

- So if your looking for the perfect Christmas Gift for the Queen….. KEEP LOOKING!

*****

Despite reports that Elon Musk had an affair with Google co-founder Sergey Brin’s wife last December, Elon posted a pic of he and Sergey partying together LAST NIGHT to prove that it’s not true and that they’re still good friends. Elon added that he "Hasn't even had sex in ages (sigh)".

- Then he jumped in his Rocket Ship and left town.

*****

A survey found that over 85% of Americans experienced temperatures ABOVE 90 degrees this week.

- Luckily, here in Michigan we have an antidote for this kind of extreme weather… its called WINTER.

*****

A study by Oxford University revealed that chewing gum can sharpen your mental state.

- They say the conclusion was the result of a Double-Blind, Double-Bubble Study.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Tom Cruise is now Hollywood's highest paid actor making more than $100M for Top Gun: Maverick. Will Smith came in 2nd with $35 MIL for his upcoming film “Emancipation”.

- Well that’s a real slap in the face to all the other hard working actors.

*****

Disney says that in order to be “more inclusive”… "Fairy Godmothers in Training" will now be called “Fairy Godmother’s Apprentices” instead. “This way cast members who might not identify as female can still dress up as a female Disney character."

- As they say at Disney these days… “If it looks like a Duck, and it walks like a Duck… it’s probably a Guy in a Dress”.

*****

A new study finds that 4 out of 10 British adults brush their teeth just once a week.

- No wonder the Royal Family waves all the time. Nobody wants to go in close enough for a hug.

*****

A Giraffe in a National Park in Nairobi, Kenya has given birth to twins… a rarity in the Giraffe community.

- Even more rare… the twins were almost born AT THE SAME TIME… with the doctor saying they were “Neck and Neck” right up until the last minute when one of them pulled ahead.

*****

New York Governor Kathy Hochul is ordering state agencies to beef up monitoring of sharks following a series of “Jaws”-like attacks off Long Island.

- Why don’t they just send “Social Workers” to talk to the sharks?? I thought that was how “Woke” people like to handle “violent offenders” these days.

*****

The U.S. House of Representatives agreed to pay $96,000 of taxpayer money to provide its staff access to the meditation app “Calm”… citing the trauma of the January 6th assault on the U.S. Capitol.

- How about they pay for TAXPAYERS to get the app for the trauma of paying $5 bucks for a gallon of gas??

*****

A new report claims Rapper Lil Uzi Vert has changed his pronouns to "They" and "Them."

- Well good for They!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Pics of a rather pasty, shirtless Elon Musk vacationing on board a yacht in Mykonos, Greece have gone viral.

- The RICHEST man in the world also looks to be the WHITEST man in the world… He looks like the Poster Boy for what some people refer to as “WHITE Privilege”.

*****

A heatwave continues to sweep across much of Europe… affecting millions of homes and businesses most of which have no AC.

- For a minute I thought that read No “AOC” and I thought… “Lucky Europe!”

*****

Temps soared over 100 degrees in England yesterday causing an Airport Runway to buckle.

- Experts say they haven’t seen a Runway give way like that since Micheal Moore modeled for “Harry’s Big and Tall” Spring Fashion Show.

*****

Brad Pitt raised eyebrows at the premiere of his new action movie “Bullet” in Berlin, Germany when he showed up wearing a brown SKIRT and matching jacket.

- I guess Brad finally figured out what WE already knew… Angelina definitely wore the pants in that family.

*****

Kamala Harris' speech writer has resigned after just four months on the job.

- Wait… Kamala has a SPEECH WRITER???

- Talk about a Tiny pair of shoes to fill!

*****

The band Limp Bizkit has cancelled its European tour over the lead singer's “personal health issues”.

- They didn’t mention what those “personal health issues” were… but with the name “Limp Bizkit”… there are a few things that come to mind.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Big night last night! Went to see Elton John at Comerica Park… What a concert! Elton was in great voice and the band was incredible - although I’ll admit I did miss the Duck Suit Elton wore the first time I saw him at Olympia Stadium back in the early 70’s when my wife Gail and I took our two oldest daughters, Jennifer and Jackie who were 9 and 7 at the time to the show. (Then again, I think I wore a leisure suit to that concert which made me look more bizarre than the Duck onstage singing and playing the piano).

Last night, we had great seats courtesy of daughter #4 JoAnne who got them for us through her radio station 104.3 WOMC (Boy that rings a bell) where she does the morning show with JJ Johnson every morning from 6 to 11.

The show kicked off with “Benny & The Jett’s and included a ton of hits including one of my all time favorites, “Don’t Let the Son Go Down On Me”. The reason that song resonates with me is that I used to sign off with it at the end of my Salvation Army Radiothon every year.

It always reminds me of the late, great Gene Taylor and Doc Andrews and I thought of both of them last night as I listened to Elton sing it. But… in the interest of full disclosure… I’ll admit I listened in the walkway… as my wife Donna (Gail died in 2018 and I remarried 2 years ago) and I were trying to make it to the car in time to beat the traffic!!

And we did!! We got home by 11pm. So imagine my “delight” when the SMOKE DETECTOR WENT OFF at 1AM… FOR OVER AN HOUR.

There was no smoke… no fire that we could see… but we called the Firefighters, they came, checked everything out and determined that we had a bad battery in one of the detectors that was making them ALL go off.

Being the “Mr. Fix It” kind of guy that I am, I thanked them… put the faulty detector out on the front porch so if it set the other detectors off again WE WOULDN’T HEAR IT… and went back to sleep about 3am.

All in all… (except for the smoke detector part) it was a great night!

And hopefully, this afternoon… I’ll take a great nap!

And speaking of great… Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Rumor has it Hugh Grant has signed on to play Prince Andrew in a new film about the disgraced Royal.

- Remember when Hugh was caught by the LAPD with that Hooker “Divine Brown” back in the 90’s… maybe he was just “doing research” for the role??

*****

Harry and Meghan are in NYC today for a UN tribute to Nelson Mandela where Harry will speak to the delegates on Climate Change and Poverty.

- I don’t know what he knows about Nelson Mandela and Climate Change… but I’m pretty sure you could find someone a little better acquainted with Poverty, than Harry.

*****

A 27 year old Transgender female inmate is being moved to the Men’s prison after SHE IMPREGNATED TWO OF HER FELLOW FEMALE INMATES AT THE WOMEN’S JAIL.

- Before her transfer to the Men’s prison, she won the “Multitasker of the Year” award.

*****

They did it! J Lo and Ben finally tied the knot in a surprise wedding at the famed Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas over the weekend! It’s the 2nd marriage for Ben… and the 4th for J-Lo.

- I guess it’s true what they say!… The Sixth time’s the charm.

- They must have been SOOOO nervous for the wedding night!

*****

"90 Day Fiancé" star Larissa Lima claims a botched tummy tuck procedure left her without a belly button.

- She says she plans to join the military where she can, “Pick up a new Belly Button at one of the Naval Bases”. (Ba da Boom!)

*****

The University of Pennsylvania has come under fire after they nominated Transgender College Swimmer Lia Thomas… who was BORN MALE AND COMPETED IN THE MEN’S DIVISION LAST YEAR… for this year’s NCAA “Woman OF the Year” award.

- Call me crazy… but isn’t Lia more suited for the “BEEN a WOMAN FOR a YEAR” Award???

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Twitter went down this morning leaving people unable to Tweet, retweet or read other peoples Tweets more more than a half hour.

- It’s true… For an excruciating 40 MINUTES America had to wait for Harry & Meghan to weigh in on President Biden’s trip to the Middle East.

*****

BIG NEWS!!!! Images of a new group of Emojis that will be available later this year- including a pink heart, a jellyfish and a shaking face - have been released by the “Emoji Reference Website” Emojipedia.

- I thought “Emojipedia” was one of those new medicines you see advertised on TV. You know, the ones that make cause your tongue to swell but will have you dancing while you mow your front lawn.

*****

VP Harris dished up another serving of “Word Salad” during a speech about Jobs & Transportation this week saying, “'You need to get to go and need to be able to get where you need to go to do the work and go home”.

- Can you imagine if she was ever cast as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz? She’ be like, “There’s no place like home… because home, being a place… the place where our home is… is the place where we most feel at home”.

*****

Kim Kardashian’s sister Khloe made comments on Social Media implying that Kim’s boyfriend Pete Davidson may have a “Foot Fetish”.

- I’m not a Rhodes Scholar like the Kardashian girls, but my money is on Pete being more of a Butt guy.

*****

A new study found that Viruses like COVID can survive on meat and fish stored in your freezer for up to 30 days… and then infect you even after you cook it.

- Great. Now they’re gonna tell us we have to start putting Masks on all our frozen meat.

- Can we Vaccinate our hamburgers instead??

*****

According to researchers from the University of Sydney, exercise alone won’t compensate for a diet filled with fatty foods.

- The way I look at it you have two choices: Give up fast food… or give up reading depressing studies.

*****

Botched robberies led to shots being fired at six different 7-Eleven stores in California during one day last week.

- But the good news is… Alec Baldwin wasn’t involved in ANY of them. (As far as we know…)

*****

A trailer filled with 40,000 pounds of potato chips caught on fire in Florida.

- Firefighters said the chips started out as “Sour Cream ‘n Onion” but ended up as “BBQ”.

*****

Now the Church of England is going “Woke” by refusing to offer up a definition of a “woman,” arguing that RECENT DEVELOPMENTS required “additional care” when attempting to define the word.

- Where’s Helen Reddy with her “I Am Woman” song when we need her?? Unfortunately she passed away back in 2020.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Time Mag has named Detroit as one of the World’s 50 Greatest Destinations of 2022… saying “The story of Detroit’s resilient people…rich heritage of design, innovation and diversity” ensured it made the list.

- There was an * though… “Detroit: One of the World’s 50 Greatest Destinations… Unless You Want to See the Home Team Win At Ford Field”.

*****

A Hispanic journalist group issued a statement calling out First Lady Jill Biden after she said Latinos were as unique as “Breakfast Tacos”.

- With that gaffe, when if comes to public speaking it appears “Dr. Jill” is Nacho average First Lady.

*****

New numbers out this morning show Inflation rose 9.1 percent in June - the highest it’s been in 40 Years.

- It may be time for Joe to start handing out “Make Inflation Great Again!” Baseball Caps.

*****

Hollywood heartthrob Bradley Cooper is reportedly dating Hillary Clinton’s former assistant/Anthony Weiner’s soon to be ex-wife Huma Abedin.

- Wow. She’s gone from “Carlos Danger” to Bradley Cooper. That’s like trading in a used Pinto for a Mercedes Convertible.

*****

TV viewers in NYC have been treated to a new 90 second TV ad instructing them what to do in the event of a nuclear attack.

- Some found it “Terrifying”… but on a bright note - it’s sad but true - that if you live in New York City chances are a criminal is gonna take you out long before a Nuke does!

*****

Medical researchers say we’re getting closer to the day when it will be commonplace for humans to get organ transplants from Pigs.

- More info as it becomes available… but for now, Th… Th…Th…That’s All Folks!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Thank you all so much for the kind Birthday wishes and comments yesterday! I had a great day celebrating with the family. I didn’t make it to 7-Eleven for my free Slurpee but I did make it to Chick fil A for a couple of of Grilled Chicken Sandwiches. They were delicious… but by the time I got through the line, I thought I was ANOTHER year older!

*****

It’s National Cow Appreciation Day! And if I know Cows… they’re gonna Milk this for all it’s worth.

*****

After Donald Trump publicly criticized Elon Musk for pulling out of the Twitter deal - calling him a “Bull**** artist”, Musk tweeted that he thinks its time for Trump to “Hang up his hat and sail into the Sunset”.

- Personally I think it’s time for all of US to Hang onto OUR hats… because this is about to get FUN!!

*****

A conservative nonprofit estimated that California has spent over $500 million on diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives, including spending nearly $50,000 on "Racial Equity" trainings for the state Fish and Wildlife Department.

- Well it’s about time they came to grips with “Whitefish Privilege”!

*****

A Brazilian influencer had to be wheeled through a Portuguese airport after she experienced “horrible pain” and was unable to walk because she was afraid to “break wind” in front of her boyfriend whom she was traveling with.

- Wasn’t it Bob Dylan who asked, “How many Airports… Must a Girl be Wheeled, Thru? Before She Can Be Honest With Her Man? The Answer My Friend… Is Blowin’ in the Wind. The Answer is Blowin’ in the Wind”.

*****

Police in a small town in Maine tracked down a Sheep who had escaped from a local farm, coaxed it into the backseat of their cruiser and gave it a ride home.

- All told, the Sheep was only on the Lam for about an hour. (Ba da Boom)

*****

The World Health Organization (WHO) is updating their guidance to “Recognize gender and sexual diversity” by saying “Sex is NOT LIMITED to being Male or Female”.

- Really?? It’s AMAZING!! Everyday we’re learning something new!!!

*****

This summer England celebrated the 50th Anniversary of its Lawn Mower Racing Championships.

- It’s just like Formula One Racing, except instead of wearing a fireproof suit and a helmet, all the drivers wear black socks, sandals, Bermuda shorts, and a “World’s Best Dad” T-Shirt.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Hi! Jackie here! It’s 7/11 and that can only mean two things: Free Slurpees at 7-Eleven and more importantly… It’s MY DAD’S BIRTHDAY!!!!

On behalf of my sisters and myself… I want to wish Happy Birthday to the kindest, sweetest, funniest, most generous, loving and supportive man EVER!!! We are so blessed to have you as our Dad!!! Despite the fact that you’ve always said, “It took Mom 54 months to have you… and my part only took 6 minutes!!”… you will never know how much you mean to us and the incredibly positive impact you have on our lives each and everyday!!!

Thank you for being the best Dad… and the best friend… your daughters could ever ask for!!!!

We love you to the Moon and back!!! (Which is A TON considering the price of gas these days!!!!)

Have the best Birthday ever and we’ll see you later!!!

Love,

Your Girls.

(Jennifer, Jackie, Jill, JoAnne, Jessica & Julie (😇 from above!)

Happy Birthday to Rapper 50 Cent who is 47 today…

- Of course if you factor in inflation… he now goes by the name $1.75.

*****

WARNING: This story (actually - this picture - may be disturbing to some - not to mention RIDICULOUS - but it IS all over the internet and TV!)

A 28 year old Democrat STATE SENATOR FROM RHODE ISLAND named Tiara Mack posted a campaign video of herself TWERKING upside down in a bikini WHILE ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO VOTE FOR HER FOR RE-ELECTION.

- We’ve gone from “The Shining City on the Hill” to “The Big Butt on the Beach”… Am I the only one who’s worried about where this country is headed??????

*****

As inflation continues to send prices up, some grocery stores have starting putting the same electronic security tags they use on expensive items like bottles of booze, on blocks of cheese as well… to fend off shoplifters.

- If you’re a fan of Velveeta like I am… you know this security move is looong overdue.

*****

First son Hunter Biden joined his father on the White House Balcony to watch the Fourth of July Fireworks Monday night.

- There was plenty of “Ooohing” and “Ahhing”… and that was even BEFORE Hunter’s Hooker showed up in her “Sexy Betsy Ross” Costume.

*****

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot gave a speech calling for an end to the “Toxicity in our public Discourse”… just days after she shouted “F*** Clarence Thomas!” in regard to the Supreme Court ruling on Roe v. Wade.

- Well, as they say, it’s a woman’s perrogative to change her mind! (Although who am I to say what a “Woman” is?? After all, I’m no Biologist…)

*****

Brad Pitt says he suffers from “Facial Blindness” - a rare genetic condition that makes it difficult for him to recognize people - even family members by their faces.

- Brad’s been married to Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. I’m no Doctor… but isn’t it ODD that someone who is “FACIALLY BLIND” only ends up married to BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE??? How come we don’t see him dating Rosie O’Donnell??

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

I hope you had a great Independence Day weekend!

Meanwhile… a new poll found that two of three young adults in Gen Z ( 10 to 25 year olds) don’t know who America declared its independence from… with one in three thinking July 4th celebrates America’s Independence from NATIVE AMERICANS.

- HOW?? HOW could have we let this happen???

- Well that would explain why Elizabeth Warren looks so angry all the time.

*****

But wait… there’s more!!! 8% say on the 4th of July we celebrate our Freedom from… SOUTH AMERICA.

- See… Even MORE reasons to keep tearing down statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson!!!

*****

Hot Dog Eating phenom Joey "Jaws" Chestnut ate his way to a 15th win at the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, NY yesterday, scarfing down 63 hot dogs and buns - in just 10 minutes.

- In a related story, I had two 99% Fat Free All White Meat Turkey Hot Dogs (Without buns- who needs the carbs??) at my daughter Jackie’s 4th of July BBQ yesterday - along with Baked Beans, Coleslaw, Chips & Guacamole in about 7 MINUTES. So there!

*****

A hero police officer helped deliver a baby in a gas station parking lot in Atlanta over the weekend. The mom and dad were rushing to the hospital when they realized they weren’t going to make it, got the cops’s attention and pulled their car into the lot.

- The baby weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and the gas was $4.89 a gallon.

*****

86 year old Bette Nash of Boston has been named the World Longest-Serving Flight Attendant. She began as a “Stewardess” for Eastern Airlines in 1957 before becoming a flight attendant for American - a job she holds to this day.

- Bette says a lot has changed over the years… She says passengers used to dress up in nice clothes to fly… now fists fly and some passengers barely wear clothes.

*****

NASA’s administrator Bill Nelson says that China’s state owned Space Corporation, may be PLANNING A “TAKEOVER” OF THE MOON as part of its Military Space Program.

- “Houston… We have a problem”!!

*****

The Hotel Industry is reportedly so desperate for workers… they’re giving jobs to anyone who shows up for an interview - No experience needed… with one industry expert saying, “You can basically just walk in off the street and get a job”.

- This isn’t the first time Street Walkers have walked in off the street into a hotel and gotten work… and it won’t be the last.

*****

Happy Birthday to Huey Lewis who is 72 today!

He still “Wants a New Drug”… but these days, it’s Lipitor.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

From the Purtan Family to You and Yours… Have a Safe, Healthy and Happy 4th of July in what remains the Greatest country on Earth!

See you back here Tomorrow!

-Dick

Hillary Clinton - who went to Law School with Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas - said he’s “Been a person of grievance for “as long as she’s known him” and that he’s been “full of anger and resentment his whole life”.

- Well it takes one to know one!

*****

A squirrel interrupted a Pittsburgh Pirates game the other night by running around the outfield.

- At first he looked like all the other players… just standing there rearranging his nuts.

*****

According to a new survey, 1 in 4 people don’t know that Caterpillars transform into Butterflies.

- Apparently most people assume Caterpillars just “Transform” into another Gender like everybody else is doing these days.

*****

According to a new study… tiny 8-legged mites could be having sex on your face while you’re asleep.

- Well that explains the teensy tiny little pair of black socks I found on my pillow this morning.

- I don’t care what they do as long as their quiet. I’m a light sleeper.

*****

Starting tomorrow - July 1st - Broadway Theaters are lifting their Mask mandates.

- It’s about time! If you want to see someone in a Mask you’re gonna have to go see Phantom of the Opera.

*****

Transgender ex-neo-Nazi bank robber, Donna Langan - who is serving life in prison for armed robbery - will get “Gender Surgeries' fast-tracked by the Texas Bureau of Prisons after filing a lawsuit against the agency over delays.

- I don’t care who she is… or who she used to be… she sounds like my kinda gal.

*****

Nancy Pelosi and her husband Paul met with the Pope in Rome this week... ahead of Paul Pelosi’s sentencing for Drunk Driving later this summer.

- The Pope reportedly told Pelosi's husband that he "forgives him"... but he still wouldn't give him the keys to the Popemobile.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

According to a new poll, the majority of people are NOT changing their Fourth of July plans because of high gas prices.

- Whether you’re traveling or staying home, there’s one thing you can do to celebrate the 4th that won’t cost you a dime: FLY YOUR FLAG!!!!

*****

Tuesday, Jeffrey Epstein’s galpal Ghislaine Maxwell was sentenced to 20 years in prison for her role in his Sexual trafficking scandal.

- Maxwell is said to know the names of all the famous people who visited Epstein's famous Sex Island - so it's anyone's guess as to who's going to be the first one to try to “off her”.

*****

A 25 year old former White House Aide gave what is being touted as “bombshell” testimony in the Jan. 6th hearings yesterday, claiming that she’d been told that President Trump tried to grab the wheel of the Presidential Limo and drive to the Capitol on 1/6 - a claim that the Secret Service agents in the car at the time say isn’t true.

- Reminds me of the time I was at Paradise Park on Grand River in Novi riding shotgun on the Go-Karts with my Grandson Brayden. I thought things were great, but afterwards he told a different story. Brayden blabbed to anyone who would listen that when we went into a sharp turn, I lurched for the steering wheel saying, “Hey…. I’m the Boss!!!” He may only be 10… but he says he’s organizing a 4th Grade Committee to Investigate.

*****

According to a new report in the British Journal of Sports Medicine, Middle-aged people who can’t stand on one leg for at least 10 seconds appear to be at higher risk of dying within a decade.

- I’m no Doctor… But I think the point here is obvious: DON’T TRY TO STAND ON ONE LEG.

*****

Cops were called to Disney’s Animal Kingdom when a wife slapped her husband - but the couple told police they “rarely argue” but were “pushed over the edge” by the stress of the their Disneyworld Vacation.

- That Mad Teacup Ride can really take it out of you.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

A video has gone viral that shows a Ukrainian man casually going about his morning shave with an unexploded missile lodged in the ceiling of his house.

- As the Folgers Commercial says… “The Best Part of Waking Up… Is to Shave and Not Blow Up!”

*****

President Biden’s abilities were called into question again when he accidentally flashed a “Cheat Sheet” to the cameras on Friday which showed bullet point instructions for a meeting including, “YOU sit in YOUR seat”.

- In today’s crazy world, did anyone think that maybe the Prez has decided to Identify as “Gender Fluid” and try out some new “Personal Pronouns”??? Hey… I’m just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here.

*****

World Leaders gathered for the G7 Summit in Bavaria mocked the absent Vladimir Putin with jokes about showing their pecs and going horseback riding shirtless.

- I’m no fan of Vlad’s… but there are two World Leaders that I wouldn’t want to see shirtless on a horse: Ex-German Chancellor Angela Merkel and Kim Jong Un.

*****

With more than 3000 Dentists calling it quits during the last COVID lockdown, many people in Britain have been forced into “Do-It-Yourself Dentistry”… with people pulling their own teeth with pliers.

- Personally speaking, you’d never get me to do that! Why that would be like….. Pulling teeth. (Sorry! Ba da Boom!)

*****

A man in India threw a surprise party with 4000 guests and an 800 pound cake to celebrate… his Dog’s Birthday.

- Did it really need to be a “Surprise” party?? Did he think someone was going to tell the dog??

- And all the guests got extra cake to take home in a Doggy Bag!! (Another Ba da Boom!!)

*****

Firefighters in Pennsylvania rescued a man who accidentally fell into a vat of chocolate at the Mars Candy Factory during his work shift.

- The man is expected to survive but was mad at firefighters saying, “Mind your own business… I LIKED it in there!!!”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

A Bloodhound named “Trumpet” beat out more than 3500 dogs to become the first Bloodhound to ever win “Best in Show” in the Westminster Dog Shows History Wednesday night.

- For those of you not into Dog Shows… Westminster is just like the Super Bowl. But instead of “Taking a Knee” on the field… the competitors occasionally “Lift a Leg”.

*****

According to a recent study, almost half the world’s rivers are contaminated with over-the-counter and prescription drugs including antidepressants, painkillers and tranquilizers.

- Well no wonder that Old Man River just keeps rollin… Just keeps rollin’ along. He’s whacked out on drugs!

*****

A rare celestial occurrence is underway… Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn will be visible every morning from now until the end of June in a planetary alignment not seen since 1864.

- But if you want to know if those jeans make Uranus look big, you’ll still have to ask your husband.

*****

Ohio State University has officially registered a trademark for the word "THE" after a nearly three-year battle to clinch legal branding access to a word that's “deeply meaningful to the school's overall identity”.

- And, more importantly, it’s the one word most OSU students and alumni can actually SPELL!!!

*****

Farmers in Thailand have begun feeding cannabis to their chickens… saying chickens fed with cannabis are known to taste better and more tender.

- The idea goes way back to former President Herbert Hoover who promised “A car in every garage, a chicken in every pot… and Pot in Every Chicken”.

- If you thought Kenny Rogers’ Chicken was good… Wait til you try Willie Nelson’s!

*****

With VP Kamala Harris’s approval ratings continuing to fall, the Democrat National Committee has slashed the price of a photo op with the VEEP from $15,000 to $5000 per photo.

- And if you’re a Kamala fan and REALLY want to be smart about it, I’ll have one of my grandkids Photoshop you into a pic with her… Just send me $5 bucks!

*****

Speculation is continuing to grow around Pope Francis and whether he will resign or not after he was seen needing assistance walking.

- The Pontiff also recently signed up for the AARP Magazine. (The American Association of Retired Popes).

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

- Dick

Happy Birthday to TV’s Original “Bionic Woman”, Lindsay Wagner who turns 73 today!

And while it’s not her Birthday today, we also salute Madonna… the Original “Anti-Biotic Woman”!

*****

There’s a new way to beat the heat… For a limited time, you can enjoy the “Frenchsicle”… a Popsicle made with tomatoes, hot sauce and tomato sauce. Sorry… Only available in Canada.

- They had 57 varieties to choose from… and this is the one they went with??

*****

One of Elon Musk's son’s has petitioned a California court to recognize his new name and gender, saying SHE no longer wishes to be related to her famous and wealthy father. 18 year old Xavier will now be known as “Vivian”.

- No word yet on whether Vivian will now be know as “Broke”.

*****

Barack and Michele Obama just signed a new deal with Amazon worth a cool $20 MILLION dollars to produce TWO PODCASTS with 8 episodes each.

- The money will help Barack keep his promise to Michelle… “If you like your $12 MILLION Martha’s Vineyard Estate… You Can KEEP Your $12 MILLION Martha’s Vineyard Estate”.

*****

90 year old Martha Stewart says she’s “symptom free” and “feeling fine” but is quarantining as a precaution after testing Postive for Covid.

- On a bright note… By adding a little Glitter Glue, she turned her Nasal Test Swab and an old mask into an elegant Bud Vase and charming Essential Oil Diffuser.

*****

After 85 years as a kid favorite, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is officially changing its name to…. “Kraft Mac & Cheese”.

- Apparently the “aroni” part of “Mac-aroni” was just a little too controversial for the “Woke” crowd. It sounded too “Ethnic”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday to the Beach Boy’s Brian Wilson who is 80 today!

- Brian says he'll spend the day having "Fun, Fun, Fun until his Grandson takes the keys to the T-Bird Away..." as he's no longer allowed to drive at night.

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President Biden took a spill off of his bike while he was out for a ride in Delaware over the weekend - but, luckily, was wearing a helmet and wasn't injured.

- The White House blamed the fall on Supply Chain issues, the Pandemic, Donald Trump and "Putin's War".

- I blame the lack of Training Wheels.

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FINA - The International Swimming Federation has ruled that Transgender Women - those who were born men but “transitioned” to become women CANNOT compete in Elite Women’s Swimming Events unless they began hormone treatments that stopped them from going through male puberty on or before age 12.

- Things have certainly gotten more confusing than they used to be. When I was 12… I was worried about LOOKING at girls… not BECOMING one.

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7 members of a production team from the "Late Show with Stephen Colbert" were arrested and charged with unlawful entry to the Capitol last week after they were discovered by Capitol Police roaming the halls trying to film a comedy skit without any id or badges.

- Sounds like an INSURRECTION to me!!!!!

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Jennifer Lopez introduced her child Emme with the gender neutral pronouns “They/Them” when inviting the 14 year old onstage to sing a duet with her in Los Angeles over the weekend.

- Question: If you invite someone who goes by “They/Them” to sing a “Duet” with you… is it really a DUET?? Or is it more of a TRIO??

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Rut Linnéa Ingegärd Larsson, of Sweden became the Oldest Person Ever to successfully complete a Tandem Skydiving Jump last month… at the age of 103 years and 259 days old. Larsson said it was, “Exhilarating… but a little bit scary” adding “I almost wet my pants!”.

- Well I would think so! At 103 you don’t have to skydive to wet your pants… I would think it happens naturally.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

- Dick

Happy Birthday to Apache Chief Geronimo today!

Of course he’s long gone, but the word in the family is that my Great Grandfather was a good friend of his. (??) He said Geronimo even gave him a Horse one time. But then he took it back. Indian Giver!

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The View co-host Sunny Hostin said she wants a ticket with VP Kamala Harris and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg running together.

- Running for what?? Prom King and Queen??

- I don’t what Hostin’s smokin’ but I’m pretty sure it’s not Geronimo’s Peace Pipe.

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Nancy Pelosi made an appearance on “RuPaul's Drag Race” TV Show on VH1 - telling the audience of Drag Queens, “Your freedom of expression of yourselves in drag is what America is all about”.

- I’m starting to think Nancy’s husband isn’t the only one throwing back a few cocktails.

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American researcher Christopher Balding says he’s uncovered evidence that China is making “Smart” Coffee Makers in order to spy on Americans in their homes.

Why don’t we all do what I did when I was a kid! I got a plastic shovel and started digging a hole because I heard it would go all the way from my backyard to CHINA. I only got about a foot and a half down before my Mother called me in for dinner, so I don’t know if it’s TRUE… but if it is… Let’s do it again… and then WE can spy on THEM!

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Kim Kardashian is denying reports that she “damaged” the iconic dress Marilyn Monroe wore to sing Happy Birthday to JFK back in 1962. Kim borrowed it and wore it to the Met Gala last month. She says she couldn’t have stretched it out as she “had it on for less than 15 minutes”.

- If ANYBODY could stretch something out in 15 minutes or less it’s Kim. I mean C’mon… that comes out to 7.5 minutes per cheek!

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Wow! Dr. Fauci has tested positive for COVID.

So if you ever wondered if being fully vaccinated, having 27 boosters and wearing 496 masks can prevent YOU from getting COVID… the answer is… NO.

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In order to be “Closer to the Queen”, Prince William and Kate Middleton are moving into Adelaide Cottage. The only problem is… disgraced Prince Andrew had his eye on the same property but, being on the outs with the family, lost it and now feels “GAZUMPED” according to Royal Experts.

- Well maybe if he hadn’t done so much “GAZUMPING” with the girls on Jeffrey Epstein’s Island he wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Excessive Heat Warning for all of Metro Detroit today… with temps in the 90’s! When you factor in the humidity… that means it will feel like 105-107 this afternoon.

Remember all Spring when it was cold and wet for days on end and we were whining and complaining about how it was NEVER going to be Summer?? Well here it is!

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The World Health Organization confirmed that they will “Rename” the Monkeypox Virus after a group of Scientists called the current name “Racist and discriminatory towards Africa”.

- Who cares what the “SCIENTISTS” think… Did anybody think to ask the MONKEYS??

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Move over Disney… According to a new survey by TripAdvisor.com, the #1 Themepark in America is… DOLLYWOOD!

- I’ve never been… but I hear the “Majestic Mountains Double Roller Coaster” is CRAZY fun! You go Up… and then plunge into total darkness in “Cleavage Crossing”!!!

- And if you’re looking for a gift Dad will love this Father’s Day… Check out the “Dolly Parton FAST PASS” to “Dolly’s Bra & Grill!” - sorry, that’s “BAR & Grill”.

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Speaking of Rides… Disney is offering what is calls a “Bucket List Adventure”… A 24-Day Private Jet trip to all 12 Disney Parks around the World - plus stops at other manmade wonders including the Taj Mahal and the Pyramids. The Price: $110,000 per person.

- When they say “Pyramids”… are they talking about the ones in Egypt or Dolly Parton? (She admits they’re not real!)

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Mick Jagger had to cancel some upcoming concerts after testing positive for COVID, but says he hopes to reschedule soon.

- But no one knows better than Mick that You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

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Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm says gas prices are a “Very compelling case” to buy an electric car as gas prices soar over $5 nationwide.

- And the $60,000 t0 $70,000 base price tag for an electric car is a “Very compelling case” to keep the gas powered car that you already own.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick