Disney announced that they are dropping their Mask requirement for all guests in their theme parks starting tomorrow.

- So now they can go back to the old familiar signs hanging around the park… “No Shoes, No. Shirt, No Service! No Mask, No Pants, No Problem!”

*****

In an effort to promote diversity, this year’s Academy Awards will be hosted by three Women.

- I’m not sure who the three women are, but as long as they’re not three of the regulars on “The View”… I’m good with it.

*****

Dozens of students at the University of Nevada-Reno were spotted marching through campus demanding the REINSTATEMENT OF THE MASK MANDATE that was recently ended in the state.

- So… We’ve gone from “Burn the Bra!” to “Reinstate the Mask Mandate!”???

- College sure doesn’t sound like as much fun as it used to be… Beer Kegs and Panty Raids…

*****

Two weeks after CNN boss Jeff Zucker resigned over an affair with a high ranking staffer, the woman, Aliison Gollust, has been fired.

- So it’s true… What’s good for the Goose, is good for the Gander. Or in this case, what’s good for the Gander is good for the Goose. Although the Goose did give consent to the Gander prior to the Goosing.

*****

Prince Andrews will get help from his Mom, Queen Elizabeth to pay the $16 MILLION settlement he agreed to pay his then 17 year old accuser to settle his Sex scandal.

- In exchange for the money, Randy Andy has agreed to “Mow the lawn at Buckingham Palace and wash the Royal Carriage every weekend” for as long as it takes to pay his Mommy (or as they say across the Pond, his “Mummy”) back.

*****

Russian speedskater Daniil Aldoshkin has apologized for throwing up two middle fingers after beating Team USA in the Men’s Semi-finals on Tuesday… saying it was “Pure emotion… I’m sorry if this offended anyone”.

- Putin was said to “so thrilled” that the skater flipped America the bird, he promised that even if the skater loses his next race, he won’t poison or shoot him!! What a great guy!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Social Media continues to be outraged by the lack of masks worn by celebrities at the Super Bowl.

- They only REAL Celebs at the game were the Players… and they ALL wore masks.

*****

One of the “Hooters Girls” has revealed that there is a special vending machine in each Hooters location that dispenses the pantyhose/tights the girls have to wear under their uniforms - which cost $5 a piece.

- That may be the case… but from the looks of the girls, I’m pretty sure the machine ISN’T dispensing Bras.

*****

The Defense Department has completed the first ever un-manned flight of a Black Hawk helicopter.

- Do they mean un-PERSONED?? Or was it flow by a Woman?? Or a Man identifying as a woman?? Or a person identifying as a Helicopter?? Or A Black Hawk identifying as a Blue Jay?? Stop the world… I want to get off…………

*****

This just in… Prince Andrew has settled with his sexual harassment accuser for an undisclosed amount of money - so apparently he WILL NOT have to go to trial.

- Which means he’ll be available to take his girlfriend to Prom and maybe even afford to buy her a wrist corsage!!

*****

When an interviewer asked 78 year old Chevy Chase how he feels when he hears his fellow Saturday Night Live colleagues describe him as “Difficult” and a “Jerk to work with”… Chase said, “I don’t give a crap. I am who I am”.

- Was that Chevy Chase or Popeye the Sailor Man?

*****

A series of limited-edition Popcorn Buckets from Disney World are selling online for as much as $270 each.

- $270 for a bucket of popcorn?? Why that’s just plain Goofy!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

CONGRATULATIONS TO MATTHEW STAFFORD AND THE L.A. RAMS for their 23-20 win over the Cincinnati Bengals in Super Bowl LVI. Down by 4 points with two minutes to go and a bench gutted by injuries, Stafford led an incredible 73 yard drive, ultimately connecting with a pass to the game’s MVP - Wide Receiver Cooper Kupp (Love that name!!!) to give the Rams a touchdown and the Win!

Stafford not only led the Rams to Victory… but he gave those of us in Detroit a sort of Victory-by-Association. Thank you and Congratulations Matthew for finally getting the Super Bowl Victory that you might have had earlier in your career if the Lions had had better Teams.

*****

I have to admit… I was a bit torn about who to root for. I was pulling for Stafford and the Rams, but having lived and worked in Cincinnati for three and a half years - I wouldn’t have been disappointed to see the Bengals win either.

*****

Meanwhile, the “All Hip-Hop” Half Time Show… featuring Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, Mary J. Blige, Kendrick Lamar, 50 Cent and Detroits’ own Eminem was billed as “Historic” because it was the first “All Hip-Hop” Half-Time Show in Super Bowl History.

- It was “Historic” for me too… because it was the first time in 56 Super Bowls that I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE A SINGLE SONG THAT WAS PERFORMED.

- Seems to me things have changed “a bit” from the “Up With People” Half- Time Shows of the 1970’s.

*****

Commercials for this years big game went for a record $6.5 MILLION for each 30 second ad - a MILLION dollars more than the $5.5 MIL it cost last year.

- The Biden Administration blamed it on Inflation, Covid, Supply Chain Issues, People not getting Vaccinated, the Canadian Truckers, Voter Suppression Laws, and Trump.

*****

With all the talk about the Super Bowl… and that pesky "Maybe going to War” thing I almost forgot… It’s VALENTINE’S DAY! And if you haven’t bought a gift for your someone special yet… there’s good news: A new survey found that an overwhelming majority of people would rather get “something simple” - like a box of chocolates - than something “really expensive”.

- I was really glad to hear this… I ended up getting my bride Some Twizzlers and a Gift Certificate to the Dollar (Plus-a-Quarter) Store.

*****

RIP… Hollywood Director Ivan Reitman who’s movies included “Ghostbusters”, "National Lampoon's Animal House", "Stripes” and many others has died at 75.

RIP… Frank Beckmann… Longtime WJR radio personality and the voice of Michigan Football for more than 30 years who died Saturday at 72 of Vascular Dementia. Frank and I both worked on the Salvation Army Radiothon - which is coming up on Friday, February 25th. This will be the first one Frank will miss in 10 years. He was smart, loved football and golf… and what a voice! Our thoughts and Prayers are with his wife and family.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Vladimir Putin was caught on video nodding off - or pretending to - when Team Ukraine entered the Olympic Stadium in Beijing during the Opening Ceremonies Friday night.

- I say we cut the guy some slack! He’s been working night and day getting ready to invade Ukraine. The poor guy is EXHAUSTED!

*****

The Queen is getting ready to mark seventy years on the Throne this Spring.

- The last Royal to spend anywhere near that long on the Throne was Elvis… and we all know how that ended.

*****

Friday, U.S. Marshalls in the Bahamas seized two cruise ships because the owner, Crystal Cruises, has refused to pay $4.6 MILLION in fuel charges.

- They should’ve bought the food for the midnight buffet at Kroger. That way they could have used their Kroger Fuel Points… and saved 10 cents a gallon! They could have gotten the amount due down from $4.6 MILLION to ONLY like $1.2 MIL!

*****

A 42 year old Kentucky man has been arrested for breaking into mobile homes and stealing women’s bras and underwear.

- He’s being held in jail until his Mom bails him out.

*****

Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti continues to insist he held his breath while going mask-less while posing for a picture at the NFC Championship Game.

- I believe him! I mean, who among us hasn’t sucked in our stomachs to look thin while posing for a picture?

*****

Colleges and universities across America are hosting "Sex Week" ahead of Valentine's Day… with events including “SEXtravaganza”, “Freaky Friday: A Beginner’s Gude to Pleasure” and “Condom Bingo”.

- And to think my parents thought my “History of Broadcasting” class was a waste of tuition dollars.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Jeff Zucker… the longtime head of CNN… resigned yesterday - effective immediately - citing a sexual relationship he’s been having with his female second-in-command.

- Wow. Between the Cuomo brothers and Zucker… there have been a lot of Sex scandals at CNN. At least Jeffrey Toobin had the decency to keep his hands to himself.

*****

Former CNN News Anchor Leon Harris was arrested for fleeing the scene of an accident over the weekend and police say they believe he was drunk at the time.

- On a bright note… He’s having the BEST day of anyone at CNN.

*****

David Crosby and Stephen Stills have joined former band members Graham Nash and Neil Young in removing their music from Spotify over the alleged Joe Rogan Podcast Vaccine Misinformation Bruh-ha-ha.

- As the song says… “If you can’t Jab the One You Love… Jab the One Your With”.

*****

Whoopi Goldberg is said to be “Livid” after being suspended from “The View” for two weeks following her controversial comments about the Holocaust and is said to be considering quitting the show.

- Fingers and toes crossed!

- Is there any way we can get Joy to go with her??

*****

A video released by State TV in North Korea attempted to explain Kim Jong Un’s dramatic 44 pound weight loss by saying “His body completely withered away while taking on the fate of the nation… greatly suffering and worrying to realize the dreams of the people”.

- That… and he went on Nutrisystem!

- I guess I just didn’t realize what a tough job he had.

*****

Kanye West will have to be fully vaccinated if he wants to play concerts in Australia.

- It has nothing to do with COVID. They just think it’s smart to make sure a guy who was married to Kim Kardashian has all his shots.

*****

A middle-aged man in Australia was caught on a security camera pumping gas and then walking in to the convenience mart to pay for it - WHILE COMPLETELY NAKED.

Hey… at least the guy PAID for the gas. The way things are going in this country, he would have stolen the gas…. and everything in the store.

Apparently he was going to buy a lottery ticket - but changed his mind when he realized he didn’t have anything to scratch it off with.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning… meaning six more weeks of winter. Meanwhile… New Jersey’s weather-predicting groundhog, Milltown Mel, died suddenly, yesterday - the day before Groundhog Day.

- The Medical Examiner is predicting that he’ll be Dead for Six More Weeks.

*****

After months of anticipation… The team formerly known as the Washington Redskins has announced their new name. Say hello to… THE WASHINGTON COMMANDERS!

Can’t we keep politics out of Football?? Think about it… If Washington and Kansas City both do well next year… we could end up with a Super Bowl featuring the Commanders and Chiefs.

*****

A woman went into labor during an 11-hour flight from Ghana to D.C. early Sunday morning… and by the time the plane landed, she had delivered a healthy, bouncing baby boy!

- The airline congratulated the new Mom… and then charged her $35 for an “extra carry-on”.

*****

Researchers fro the California Institute of Technology say that FEAR is contagious and that instead of finding “Strength in Numbers”… we actually become MORE AFRAID when we’re in a group.

- And if you don’t believe it… You’ve never seen my family in line for the “Demon Drop” at Cedar Point.

- And don’t get me started on the “Old Fashioned Cars”.

*****

Kim Jong Un's wife was seen in public for the first time since September as she and Lil Kim attended some annual North Korean celebrations.

- The celebrations included the “Miss Nuclear Missile Pageant 2022” and the “Friends and Family Firing Squad”.

*****

Prosecutors in Missouri have dropped charges against a 26 year old former high school teacher accused of sleeping with one of her students… because she MARRIED HIM… meaning he can’t testify against her because of “Spousal Privilege”.

- On another bright note… The teacher said that because the groom “showed progress and put in considerable time and effort” he got an “A+” on their Wedding Night.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s Official… TOM BRADY ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT…

Meanwhile… Apple announced that it will release a group of new Emojis including the one we’ve all been waiting for… a PREGNANT MAN. Tom Brady retires and we’re getting a Pregnant Man emoji in the same week. COINCIDENCE????? Time will tell… in about 9 months!

*****

Whoopi Goldberg is facing intense backlash after saying that the Holocaust wasn’t about Race because both the Germans and the Jewish people were “White”.

- She’s getting her butt kicked in the News and on Social Media so badly… Whoopi’s gonna need a Cushion to sit on.

*****

Jet Blue passengers were stuck on the tarmac at JFK airport for so many hours that some of them “Relieved themselves” in their seats.

- The lines for the restrooms were so long some of the people were going in TWO AT A TIME. I wonder what THAT was all about…

*****

A middle-aged man in Australia was caught on a security camera pumping gas and then walking in to the convenience mart to pay for it - WHILE COMPLETELY NAKED.

- Hey… at least the guy PAID for the gas. The way things are going in this country, he would have stolen the gas…. and everything in the store.

- Apparently he was going to buy a lottery ticket - but changed his mind when he realized he didn’t have anything to scratch it off with.

*****

Disney’s live action remake of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” is facing controversy after Game of Thrones actor Peter Dinklage - himself a Dwarf - complained that the story “stereotypes” dwarves and Disney agreed to “Update” the characters in the new movie with “Regular Size Hollywood” actors.

- Why don’t they just have the Dwarves “IDENTIFY” as “Regular-Sized” Actors??

- This is getting out of hand… Why don’t they just Re-name it “Snow White and the Seven Regular Size Hollywood Actors”.

*****

Podcaster Joe Rogan has apologized to Spotify - which carries his Podcast after Neil Young and Joni Mitchell pulled their music in protest of what they call the “Misinformation” Rogan spread about COVID vaccines. Spotify says it will now warn users if they are about to hear “Any Misinformation”.

- Oh, like say… that MEN can get PREGNANT!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

For the second week in a row… we saw some great play-off football! It was Cincinnati over Kansas City and the LA Rams defeating the San Francisco 49ers.

So… On Sunday, Feb. 13… Super Bowl LVI… a game which will see QB Heisman Trophy winner Joe Barrow and the Bengals take on Matthew Stafford and the Rams. GO MATTHEW!!!

*****

Researchers at Northwestern University have created a device that monitors how many hours you wear a mask and then shares that data with other people to compare your stats.

- And by “Other People" they mean “Dr. Fauci”.

*****

Both Central Michigan and Oakland University sent out emails informing some students that they had won valuable scholarships - then turned around and admitted they’d sent out the emails accidentally.

- This reminds me of when I got accepted to Syracuse University on a full-ride scholarship. And by “Full-Ride” I mean they paid for my bus fare from Buffalo to Syracuse the weekend I moved in.

*****

80-year-old Italian President Sergio Mattarella was pulled away from his impending retirement and reelected to a second seven-year term as the country’s head of state.

- I’m not gonna name names (NANCY PELOSI) but I guess we should be grateful the Speaker of the House is only elected for a term of 2 years.

*****

RIP… Howard Hesseman who played Dr. Johnny Fever on “WKRP in Cincinnati” has died at 81. The role was modeled on a radio friend of mine who I worked with in Cincinnati named Skinny Bobby Harper. Bobby was, in a word, Nuts. For example, his girlfriend once called the cops on him because he was a tad tipsy and was wandering around the parking lot of her apartment complex looking for his car. When the cops arrived to help, he accused them of STEALING HIS CAR which he was too intoxicated to see was right in front of him.

After I moved to Detroit and started working at Keener 13… Bobby had another of his run ins with the cops in Cincinnati - who had finally had enough - and drove him to the edge of the city, dropped him off and said, “Don’t ever show your face in this town again”. So naturally, I got him a job in Detroit! Skinny Bobby died a few years back… but his persona lives on in Dr. Johnny Fever - perfectly captured by the now, late Howard Hesseman.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

What is: Thanks for a Great Run!

"Jeopardy!" champ Amy Schneider ended her incredible 40 game run last night with $1,383,800 in winnings. She now holds the record for the show’s second-longest consecutive win streak and made history as the first woman to earn over a million dollars & the first openly transgender woman to qualify for the Tournament of Champions! The question she missed was: The only nation in the world whose name in English ends in an “H”. The correct answer was: What is Bangladesh?

*****

Minnie Mouse will look a little different at the 30th anniversary of Disneyland Paris this March… Turns out she’s ditching her trademark dress for a spiffy new pantsuit.

- Sounds like somebody’s been taking fashion advice from Hillary Clinton.

- Wow. If somebody at Disney was finally going to start wearing pants I thought for sure it would be Donald Duck.

*****

The Santa Barbara Zoo announced that their Giraffe Adia welcomed a male calf named Raymie on January 19th! The bouncing baby boy giraffe weighed 157.4 pounds and stands 5’ 7” tall.

- He was born at 10:02, 11:45 and 2:17pm.

*****

Justice Stephen Breyer will step down from the Supreme Court at the end of the current term - and President Biden says he’ll make good on his promise to fill the vacancy by appointing a Black Woman.

- Right now the leading contender appears to be Dennis Rodman.

*****

Kraft Foods announced that due to supply chain issues, it’s forced to raise prices on many of it’s most popular products including Bacon, Velveeta Cheese and Ocsar Mayer Hot Dogs.

Sing with me… My Bologna has a first name… It’s O-S-C-A-R.

My Bologna has a second name… it’s M-A-Y-E-R.

Oh I love to eat it everyday.

But I can’t because of supply chain issues.

*****

Sarah Palin has tested positive for COVID-19.

- Ironically… It’s the first time CNN has had anything POSITIVE to say about Sarah, EVER.

*****

66 year old Englishman Clive Jones claims he’s the “World’s Most Prolific Sperm Donor” - and says he’s fathered 129 children and currently has 9 more on the way.

- They outta erect a statue in his honor.

*****

Elton John cancelled two dates on his delayed “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” tour after testing positive for COVID.

- Here’s an idea… Why don’t they get that sperm-donor Clive guy to fill in for Elton. He seems like a real “Rocketman”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Happy birthday, Michigan! On this day in 1837… Michigan OFFICIALLY became the 26th State.

- And the people who were waiting at the Secretary of States office that day… are just now reaching the front of the line.

*****

Researchers have trained a robot dog to climb the Swiss Alps.

- Which is great news if they decide to do a remake of “The Sound of Music” where the Von Trapp kids have a pet.

*****

Despite a decrease in COVID cases, Greece has begun imposing fines on people age 60 and older who haven’t gotten the Vaccine.

- Well maybe the seniors in Greece are taking a page out of the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and in lieu of getting a Vaccine… they’re using…… WINDEX! They say it cures EVERYTHING!!!

*****

“Game of Thrones” Actor Peter Dinklage - who is a “little person” is calling the new Disney remake of “Snow White” insensitive to dwarfs.

- Sounds like somebody woke up a little Grumpy this morning.

****

Speaking of Grumpy… 82 year old Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi shut down retirement rumors yesterday by announcing that she’s running for reelection.

- Well, she’s 82 so “Running” might be a bit of an overstatement.

*****

The CDC revealed that natural immunity was SIX TIMES STRONGER than Vaccines alone during the Delta Wave of COVID-19.

- So let me get this straight… The best way to keep from getting the Virus is to get the first two doses of the Vaccine… then get the Booster… then actually GET the Virus so you can build up natural immunity which will protect you SIX TIMES BETTER from getting the virus that - apparently - you already had??

*****

RIP… Peter Robbins, the actor who first put a voice to Snoopy’s best friend, Charlie Brown in 1965’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas” has taken his own life at age 65.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Yesterday at a Press Conference, President Biden called Fox News reporter Peter Doocy a “Stupid Son of a Bitch”. He later called Doocy to “Clear the air” and told him “It isn’t personal, pal”.

- You know, just like when the people in the Wuhan lab didn’t mean it “Personally” when they unleashed COVID onto the ENTIRE WORLD.

*****

To help make up for the nationwide blood shortage, Krispy Kreme is offering a FREE dozen donuts to anyone who can show proof that they donated blood to the Red Cross… or any other blood donor organization.

- Like, for example… the Mafia.

*****

Kim Kardashian and Hillary Clinton were seen together at a hip cafe in LA filming an episode of a TV show loosely based on Hillary’s 2019 book “Gutsy Women”.

- What a dynamic duo! Regarding her election loss, Hillary won’t turn the other cheek… and if Kim turns the other cheek about ANYTHING, she’ll knock somebody’s eye out.

*****

Micheal Avenatti… who represented Stormy Daniels in her failed lawsuit against former President Trump, will be back in court today - this time facing charges that he forged her signature in order to steal more than $300,000 from her.

- Which wasn’t easy to do considering it was all in singles.

*****

Pamela Anderson is calling it quits with her 5th husband - Bodyguard - Dan Hayhurst after just one year of marriage.

- It may have only been a year… but Pam said it felt like “Forever”. Which makes sense. Like her scenes on Baywatch, they started out fast and ended up in Slo-Motion.

*****

A study from the University of Amherst in Massachusetts found that Vaccinated moms pass on COVID Antibodies to their breastfeeding babies.

-Well, what about all the MEN out there who the WOKE LEFT tell us are able to have babies?? You know - the “Pregnant PERSONS”?? Can’t they breastfeed and pass on the antibodies too?? Problem solved!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

What a Football Weekend! With 4 of the most exciting games EVER!!!

Matthew Stafford and the LA Rams beat Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers when Stafford threw a last minute 44 yard pass to receiver Cooper Kupp - who was tackled at the 13 yard line. Next play - with 4 seconds left - the Rams scored - winning the game 30 -27.

If you thought that was some game… and it was… I hope you stayed tuned for the Buffalo- Kansas City game that had an even more amazing finish! With less than a minute to go… Buffalo took the lead and it looked like they’d won the game. Then, with just seconds left, Kansas City got the ball, marched down the field and scored a touchdown… Winning what many are calling one of the greatest NFL comeback finishes of All Time. The game featured two young and incredibly talented Quarterbacks: Patrick Mahomes of Kansas City and Josh Allen of the Buffalo Bills… two great QB’s of the Future!

*****

On Sunday mornings show, Chuck Todd, the usually Biden-friendly host of NBC’s “Meet the Press” said that the President is no longer considered “Easy going and likable”.

- No matter which side of the aisle you’re on… I think the solution is obvious: Joe needs more Fiber in his diet.

*****

According to a preliminary study in Israel, even a fourth shot of a COVID vaccine is “not good enough” to prevent Omicron.

- Hey… If they’re gonna make us take unlimited shots… the least they can do is turn it into a drinking game.

*****

A study by the University of Pennsylvania found that a lack of gravity can lead to social and emotional impairment for astronauts.

- It’s just like a relationship on Earth. You start out close… and then you start drifting apart.

*****

A new study names Michigan one of the worst States in the country to drive in.

- And if you don’t believe it… Just ask the people who have been stuck in one of our many Roundabouts since 2019.

*****

29 year old Shane McInerney is out on bond after disrupting a flight from Dublin Ireland to JFK in NYC by throwing an empty beer can at a fellow passenger, kicking the seat in front of him and pulling down his underwear to moon the flight attendant.

- Let’s see… His name is Shane McInerney and he’s from Ireland. Ya think maybe ALCOHOL was involved??

*****

RIP… Pop Rock Singer Meatloaf who died at age 74 and Comedian Louie Anderson who passed away at the age of 68.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday to Buzz Aldrin who turns 92 today!

- Buzz is a member of an elite group who have walked on the moon including Neil Armstong, Pete Conrad… and the most famous Moon-walker of all, Michael Jackson.

*****

67 year old Jim Belushi is now a cannabis farmer and claims that if his brother John had smoked Pot instead of using Cocaine and Heroin… he’d be alive today.

- He’d be a 72 year old man in a Toga… but he’d be ALIVE.

*****

The Biden administration will start shipping 400-million free non-surgical N95 face masks to distribution sites nationwide this week.

- Which is PERFECT… When it comes to the Government, we should be gettin’ the Masks just in time for Halloween!

*****

This week, Dr. Fauci said we are still in the FIRST of FIVE Stages of the Pandemic…and cautioned against thinking we are further along than we actually are.

- It’s kind of like when your at a Movie theater… and you’ve finished the entire Large Bucket of Buttered Popcorn and 72 ounce Diet Coke Combo… and you realize your still watching the previews.

*****

Rumors are swirling that Harry and Meghan may decline to attend the Memorial event for Harry’s grandfather Phillip because the Queen won’t allow Harry to hire Private Police Protection while he’s in England.

- This reminds me of a game we used to play when we were kids… Remember how we’d challenge each other to “Silence Contests” to see who could stay quiet the longest??? Whataya say we challenge Harry and Meghan to one of those??

*****

A new study found that Arthritis can potentially be cured by zapping a person's bones with electricity.

- They got the idea from a man who Tazed his wife during a romantic game of “Cops and Robbers” and when she came to… her arthritis was Gone!

*****

Alec Baldwin is being sued for $25 MILLION for making a false and defamatory claim about the sister of a fallen Marine in Afghanistan… after he said she was part of the Capitol riot on January 6th - which she denies.

- Hey… at least all Alec did THIS time was shoot his MOUTH off.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A Russian woman’s pet cat is on track to make history as the largest HOUSE CAT EVER… “Kefir” - who is only 22 months old - currently weighs in at a whopping 22 pounds.

- The Cat’s big enough to be one of Putin’s Secret New Military Weapons.

*****

And speaking of BIG… Dolly Parton turns 76 today!

*****

At an event held at the Senate in Italy Monday, someone hacked into the video session and began streaming an “Adult Film”.

- Or as we’d call it in America… “Pulling a Jeffrey Toobin”.

*****

Cleveland Browns defensive tackle Malik McDowell is out on bail after being arrested for public exposure while walking naked on the grounds of a preschool in South Florida.

- It’s bad enough he was walking naked… he also wasn’t wearing a Mask.

*****

A fuel price expert is warning that inflation and increased travel could push gas prices above $4 a gallon this Spring.

- The good news is… GasBuddy.com reports the price of a Bean Burrito at Taco Bell is holding steady at $1.49.

*****

The Federal Government will allow 18 to 20 year olds to drive BIG RIGS from State to State as part of an Apprenticeship Test Program designed to ease supply chain backlogs.

- This is a GREAT idea!!!! Maybe we can also get the teenagers to pick up the slack from the hundreds of AIRLINE PILOTS who are calling in sick because of COVID!

*****

Spain held it’s annual "Las Luminarias" Festival last weekend - a 500 year old tradition in which Spaniards ride horses into bonfires.

- It’s for people just to chicken to participate in the “Running of the Bulls”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

As you’ve probably heard by now, on Friday it was announced that after 20 years, DTE Energy Music Theater is returning to its iconic name of Pine Knob!!! In celebration of the historic move, I put a screen shot of my #5 daughter Jessica’s Facebook post up this morning. It was an obviously tongue-in-cheek reaction to what we’ve all been saying since the name was changed back in 2001. The most hysterical part was… some people thought she was serious! Thanks, Jess!

*****

U of M fired president Mark Schlissel "effective immediately" following an “anonymous complaint” and the release of emails he sent to a unnamed subordinate of a “sexual nature”… including the use of the Jewish snack food “Knish” as a euphemism for “Kiss”.

- He was gonna use “Let’s Go Blue” as the code word… but it turns out the girl doesn’t have BLUE eyes and “Let’s Go Brown” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

*****

On Friday, Netflix announced that it’s raising it’s prices again.

- This is bad news for my son-in-law whose Password I’ve been using for the last 5 years.

*****

This morning the Beijing Winter Olympics Organizing Committee announced that due to concerns about the spread of COVID, tickets to the upcoming games will NOT be sold to the general public - but will be “Distributed by Communist Authorities” instead.

- Put another way… If you’re friends with Hunter Biden… start packin’… YOU’RE GOING TO THE OLYMPICS!!!

*****

A new study shows that Amazon scams have skyrocketed by 500% in the past year.

- But unlike other scams, with Amazon - they drain your bank account in just TWO DAYS if you have PRIME!

*****

A new study shows that WOMEN FIND MEN IN MASKS MORE ATTRACTIVE!

- So look for Dr. Fauci on the cover of People’s Magazine’s “Sexiest Epidemiologist Alive” issue.

- This is good news for Spiderman and Batman… but not such good news for Superman - who doesn’t wear a mask. (Thankfully he’s got Lois Lane who still loves him!!)

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It’s National Rubber Ducky Day!

So fill up the tub… don’t be a Schmuck!

Grab the soap… And Float your Duck!

*****

A family in Minnesota donated a recliner to a thrift store… not knowing their pet cat was hiding inside. When store employees heard the chair “Meowing”… they freed the cat and returned him safely to his owners.

- The same thing happened to me when I worked at a furniture store one summer. Except I found a dog hiding in a Bark-a-lounger. (Bada Boom)

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A new study in the UK shows that a farmer who gave his cows Virtual Reality headsets that showed them in a summer field has increased milk production because it puts them in a better mood.

- On the whole, they say their mood has improved about 2%.

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In June, Hunter Biden’s Ex-Wife Kathleen is set to release a tell-all about their 24 year marriage - in which she details how he spent their money on drugs, alcohol, prostitutes and strip clubs.

- Hey… how about telling us something we don’t already know?

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Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss is moving out of Nevada to Missouri after someone shot her parrot.

- So I guess they were wrong. What happens in Vegas DOESN’T stay in VEGAS. It moves to Missouri.

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With the cost of food continuing to rise, Domino's Pizza announced that it’s cutting its $7.99 order of wings from 10 to 8 pieces of chicken.

- Reminds me of the end of “It’s a Wonderful Life” when Zuzu looks at her dad and says, “Every time Inflation reaches a 40 year high… Domino’s Cut’s the number of Wings!”

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RIP… Ronnie Spector… of the Ronettes who’s hit’s included “Sleigh Ride”, “Frosty the Snowman”, and “Be My Baby” among others has died at the age of 78.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Controversial University of Pennsylvania transgender swimmer, Lia Thomas, who was born male and is transitioning to female was defeated by another transgender swimmer from Yale Saturday - who was born female and is transitioning to male.

- I don’t care if they’re male or female… as long as they don’t pee in the pool.

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A study published in the Journal of Nature Products found that compounds found in Cannabis - ie: Marijuana - have potential to combat COVID in humans.

- This explains why Willie Nelson always looks so gosh darn Healthy!!

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The Biden administration announced that starting Saturday, Health Insurers must pay for eight COVID-19 home tests per month - per person - per household.

- Awesome! Now all the Government has to do is get some tests.

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A man in Portland, Oregon claims his “manhood” shrunk by an inch-and-a-half due to Covid, and doctors say it can’t be fixed.

- You’ve heard of “Long Covid”? Well, this is the OPPOSITE of THAT.

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In a related story, a man in California claims he woke up recently and couldn’t find his “Fellas”.

- Turns out it has nothing to do with Covid… Doctors say it was “caused by his marriage to Meghan Markle”.

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A man described as an Antifa activist was caught at a conservative rally in Florida with a homemade pipe bomb and a checklist of items he needed to commit an attack, including: a "Gas Mask," "Flammable Rags," "Matches," and "Snacks."

- Ironically… the most dangerous thing on the list was the snacks: Flaming Hot Cheetos.

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On this day in 1995 the murder trial of OJ Simpson begin in Los Angeles.

- And bless his heart… 27 years later… he’s still looking for the real killer or killers.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Doctors say a 57-year-old Maryland man is “doing well” 3 days after receiving a genetically modified Pig Heart in a 1st-of-its-kind transplant surgery.

- More details when they become available… but for now… Th…Th…Th…That’s All Folks!!

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The Treasury Department is warning of long delays in Tax Refund Checks this year due to “enormous challenges” brought on by the Pandemic and supply chain issues.

- How about we all send the IRS a note telling them there’s going to be a long delay in us PAYING OUR TAXES for the same reason. How do you think that’ll go over??

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Martha Stewart and Rapper Snoop Dogg wore matching diamond-and-gold glasses while taping “Puppy Bowl XVIII”… the 3-Hour TV special TV Special which features 70 adoptable puppies competing for the coveted “Lombarky” trophy.

- There was some drama when one of the Snauzers appeared to take a knee during the playing of the National Anthem… but it turned out he was just going to the bathroom.

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Customs and Border Patrol Agents in Progresso, Texas have reportedly intercepted a 20-year-old American woman trying to smuggle Spider Monkeys into the U-S.

- Why did she try to SMUGGLE them? Why not just let them walk across with everybody else??

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A Pennsylvania man is facing an indecent exposure charge, after police say he walked into a car dealership completely naked - hoping to take a test drive.

- He says he was looking for an automatic but ended up with five on the floor.

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According to a new survey of 2,000 adults half of Americans don’t know how to cook Pasta and more than a third said they struggle to make something as simple as Eggs.

- Anyone who thinks eggs are simple to make has obviously NEVER asked a Chicken.

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RIP… Sidney Poitier, Bob Saget, Dwayne Hickman (Dobie Gillis), Marilyn Bergman (Lyricist - “The Way We Were”, “Windmills of Your Mind”, “Summer of 42”) & Peter Bogdanovich (Director - “The Last Picture Show”, “Paper Moon”).

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The NFL is exploring holding the Super Bowl in another location if COVID restrictions in California make it impossible to hold it in L.A.

- Why not go with Ford Field? The Lions play there all the time and they rarely catch anything.

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The World Health Organization is now warning about “Flurona” - which they say is a very real condition in which a person contracts the Flu and the Coronavirus at the same time.

- Which leads to another condition known as “Yougottabekiddingme-itis”.

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The WHO says Flurona symptoms are the same as flu and Covid symptoms, and can include fever, cough, fatigue, runny nose, sore throat, diarrhea, and muscle and body aches… and can be spread by coughing, sneezing, talking, singing and BREATHING.

- So far today, I’ve coughed once, sneezed twice, talked three times… but I haven’t done any singing or breathing… so I guess I’m good for now.

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Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro was taken to a Sao Paulo hospital for tests early Monday after experiencing abdominal discomfort.

- Usually when you hear “Brazilian” and “Abdominal Discomfort” in the same sentence… there’s a Russian woman and hot wax involved.

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BMW unveiled the world’s first ever color-changing Sports Activity Vehicle at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas… that can switch from White to Black at the press of a button.

- If only OJ’s White Bronco had had this technology he might have evaded the police and he could have gotten away with MURDER!!! Oh… wait a minute… he already did.

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For the first time in history an Aircraft Carrier - the USS Abraham Lincoln - has deployed under a female Captain.

- Hundreds waited anxiously onshore as she checked her lipstick in the ship’s rear-view mirror, put on her Barry Manilow tape, checked her phone, took a sip of her Diet Coke and proudly backed the ship out of Port.

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75 year old Cher says that she refuses to let her hair go gray.

- Uh oh! She’s in trouble now… because Prez. Biden just put Kamala Harris in charge of finding the “Root Cause” of why people’s hair turns Gray.

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RIP… Lawrence N. Brooks, the oldest U.S. World War II veteran has died at the age of 112.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The former Chief Scientist for NASA says that all we have to do to make it possible for Humans to live on Mars is to create a giant magnetic shield and put it around Mars to block energy from the sun and keep it from over-heating the Martian surface.

- He got the idea from a Super Hero comic book he read over Christmas..

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KFC is starting the new year by launching a new plant-based fried chicken made with “Beyond Meat”.

- Is it just me or does that sound Finger Lickin’ Gross??

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Jeff Bezos says his new buff body is the result of a strict diet and a personal trainer… but there are rumors that he’s taking a Testosterone Replacement to build muscle.

- The Testosterone would also explain why he went into space on a rocket ship shaped like… well… you know.

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The government of Quebec has reversed course and will exempt Dog-Walkers from their new 10pm COVID curfew after facing backlash from pet owners.

- Unlike their dogs, they don’t think the Government should stick their noses in other peoples business.

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A new report claims Americans are naming their dogs "COVID" because of the pandemic.

- If I wanted to name my Dog after something annoying that won’t go away… I think I’d go with “Dr. Fauci”.

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California twins were born just fifteen minutes apart but in different years — with one born just a few minutes before midnight in 2021 and the other at exactly Midnight on New Year’s Day in 2022.

- Both babies rang in the New Year happily babbling and drooling… not unlike those two guys who co-hosted the Ball-Drop on CNN.

******

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick