Purtan Podcast #187: "You Never Know Who's Listening"

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Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #187...with our special guest Tom DeLisle. Today we planned out some subjects to discuss but got off track and started talking about stuff that was more interesting...including: 

- Tom tells the story of a tennis game between him and Caitlyn Jenner.

- What Bruce Jenner is getting Caitlyn for Valentine's Day.

- Lip Balm addicts.

- Actresses and their attempts to get attention at any cost. (Can you say Cleavage??)

- My scary appearance at a 1960's "Burn The Bra" rally in downtown Detroit. 

- The problems Jackie had doing the News on my Radio show. 

- The question Jackie asked a marathon runner she was interviewing on her Morning Show in New York City... and the reaction she got.  

- The "event" that produced the highest ratings ever on my Radio show. 

- And revealed: On their way to school...when some of my daughters didn't listen to my radio show!

So grab a virtual seat at the Purtan dining room table and join us for Podcast #187. (48:22)(Maybe my daughters will be listening at the same time...NOT).

And don't forget... The 29th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon is just two weeks away - on Friday, Feb. 26th. It will be broadcast live from the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak from 6am to 10pm on WJR am 760. I - along with Big Al, Jackie and a bunch of the character guys from my show - will be hosting the 7pm to 10pm slot. This year Gail and I are donating $30,000 and are hoping you can help match that money and make it $60,000! You can donate right now by texting: PURTAN to 41444 on your smartphone! Every dollar goes to the critical Bed & Bread Program that feeds and shelters almost 5000 men, women and children every day, 365 days a year. Anything you can give will be appreciated more than you know. Thank you! 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog.

-Dick

Bernie Sanders didn't wait to be introduced on last night's "The Late Show"...he walked onstage during Stephen Colbert's monologue, announced the show's guest line up and reminded viewers that he won in New Hampshire. 

- Bernie's kind of like a crazy old uncle who interrupts the preacher during a wedding ceremony to ask when dinner is gonna be served. 

*****

Donald Trump's son Eric told an interviewer that waterboarding is no different than fraternity hazing. 

- Apparently he's a member of Alpha Gamma Gitmo. 

*****

Kanye West is facing a Twitter backlash for Tweeting that Bill Cosby is innocent. 

- But admits that "Bill Cosby makes the greatest drug laced cocktails of all time." 

*****

A New York Daily News survey found that the most popular item given up for Lent is alcohol. 

- Well I'll drink to that. 

*****

In an effort to come back from it's food poisoning scandal, Chipotle is giving away free food. 

- Chipotle fans say the Chimichunga with a side of sour cream and E. Coli is to die for. 

*****

A Florida man was arrested on Sunday for throwing an alligator into a Wendy's drive-thru. 

- I'm not pointing fingers here, but the alligator has gone missing and customers say the Chili tastes "different". 

*****

A British dominatrix was arrested for walking a Man on a dog leash through city streets. 

- If she'd just kept him away from that fire hydrant. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

The owners of a Scottish animal shelter are trying find a suitable home for a Giant Bunny named Atlas. 

- Meanwhile Bunnies at the Playboy Mansion are looking for a Nursing Home for Hugh Hefner. 

*****

Bernie Sanders trounced Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire with 60% of the vote to her 38%. 

- Pundits credit Sanders win to his promise of "free college for young people" and "free Early Bird Dinners" for voters his age.  

*****

Trump won on the Republican side with 35% of the vote...but his supporters were blatantly insulted by the NY Daily News whose cover called the victory the "Dawn of the Brain Dead" and Trump voters "Zombies".  

- Usually Trump is the one hurling those kind of insults. 

*****

North Korea has executed it's Army Chief of Staff.

- Apparently they use their military leaders when they need someone for Target Practice. 

*****

Three plus-size models will appear in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue next week. 

- They're just like the regular swimsuit models except that in addition to liking puffy clouds and world peace, they also like food.  

- Of course by Sports Illustrated standards, "Plus Size" is anything above a size 4. 

*****

O.J. Simpson's White Bronco has been found in a California garage. 

- Meanwhile, another famous white Bronco named Peyton Manning is sitting at home admiring his new Super Bowl Ring. 

*****

Don't forget... The Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon is coming up in two weeks, on Friday the 26th, live on 760 am WJR from 6am to 10pm. This is the ONLY fundraiser for this critical program that feeds and shelters almost 5000 people every day, 365 days a year. Gail and I are donating $30,000 and are asking you to contribute whatever you can so we can get a match and turn that $30,000 into $60,000! You can make your donation right now by texting the word "Purtan" to 41444 on your smartphone. It's fast, easy and so appreciated! Thank you! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday. 

-Dick

The Denver Broncos won the Super Bowl last night. Their Defense was too much for Carolina, losing to Denver 24-10. Congratulations to Peyton Manning on winning his 2nd Super Bowl and 200th career win! I personally thought that Cam Newton, QB for Carolina, should have shown some class and respect since he stood there chewing gum and swaying during the National Anthem, while the other players were putting their hands over their hearts. 

*****

Lady Gaga sounded great during her version of the National Anthem while wearing red eye shadow and a tasteful red dress.  

- Fortunately she left the meat at home.  

*****

Chelsea Clinton accidentally referred to Bernie Sanders as "President Sanders" while campaigning for her mom on Friday. 

- On the bright side, she didn't refer to him as "Colonel Sanders". 

*****

North Korea defied international warnings and test launched a long range missile on Saturday. 

- If he keeps acting up like this, Obama is threatening to put Kim Jong Un in a Time Out. 

*****

93-year-old Norwood Thomas is flying from Norfolk, Virginia to Australia to reunite with his WWII girlfriend Joyce Morris - who he says is "the one that got away". 

- When she heard he was making the trip her jaw hit the floor. And so did her boobs. 

- They met when "The Germans wore Gray"...and will reunite thanks to a little Blue pill. 

*****

A tattoo parlor in Vermont is giving away free tattoos of Bernie Sanders.  

- They're also giving away Chris Christie tattoos...but they only have enough ink on hand to do one. 

*****

The Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon is coming up on Friday, February 26! Gail and I are asking you help match the $30,000 we will be donating. You can do it right now, by just texting the word "Purtan" to 41444 on your smartphone! Anything you can give to this program that feeds and shelters almost 5000 men, women and children 365 days a year will be greatly appreciated!

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #186: "Legendary Laughs"

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Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #186...our special tribute to the great Radio comedy team "Bob & Ray". With the death of Bob Elliot this week at the age of 92, Jackie and I, along with our special guest Tom DeLisle, celebrate the comic genius of these two Radio pioneers. We play three of their classic bits... including "The Slow Talkers Of America" and an interview by "Wally Ballou". Plus I'll tell you why I turned down an offer to "replace" Bob & Ray on a radio station in New York. 

If you were fans of theirs, you'll love the bits. If you're not familiar with them... you are in for a treat. 

So join us as we showcase two guys who influenced so many TV and Radio personalities... From Johnny Carson & David Letterman to Yours Truly. 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

RIP... Bob Elliott, (on the right), one half of the great radio comedy team "Bob & Ray" has died at the age of 92. If you don't know them, they worked in the '50's, '60's and '70's and they were great heroes of mine and many others. I will feature some of their incredibly classic comedy bits on my new Podcast that will be up right here tomorrow, along with special guest Tom DeLisle. 

*****

Under the category "You've Gotta Be Kidding"... Somehow Donald Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his "Vigorous peace through strength ideology", most likely by one of his supporters. He's up against some strong opposition including The Pope. 

- Trump is now wearing a baseball hat embroidered with the slogan, "Make The Nobel Peace Prize Great Again". 

*****

Levi's has released a new design called "wedgie fit" jeans that make your pants fit like you have a wedgie. 

- Because we all want to go back and re-live Junior High School.  

- The jeans go great with Levi's new line of "Swirly Sweaters". 

*****

A new report claims that before deciding on a career in comedy, Bill Cosby thought about becoming a priest. 

- Apparently he realized it would be pretty hard to convince the Nuns to stop by the Chapel for a cocktail. 

*****

A Yahoo Tech study found that more and more Millennials are swiping right on Tinder. 

- If you have any idea what that means, please contact me at dickpurtan.com. 

*****

Congrats to coach Jim Harbaugh and U of M Football for signing the #1 recruit in the country, defensive tackle, Rashan Gary! The announcement was made at the end of a star-studded awards show-like production by Harbaugh called "Signing of the Stars" yesterday on ESPN. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Happy Groundhog Day! A time to celebrate since Punxsutawney Phil did NOT see his shadow this morning - meaning we'll have an early end to winter. 

In Wisconsin, they had to get a new groundhog because the old one bit the mayor last year. 

- The Mayor ended up with an early Spring but six more weeks of rabies. 

We're also celebrating today... because the Iowa Caucuses are finally over! The 3 top winners on the Republican side were Cruz, Trump and Rubio - in that order. On the Democratic side, Clinton and Sanders are 50-50 in a statistical dead heat. 

*****

The real winner is a woman in Nepal who turned 112 years old which she owes to smoking 30 cigarettes a day. 

- She obviously hasn't heard that cigarettes can kill you.  

***** 

Hillary Clinton is putting out a children's book called "Some Girls Are Born To Lead". 

- Meanwhile her husband is putting out a children's book called "Curious Bill Goes To The Moonlight Bunny Ranch". 

*****

The principal of an elementary school is Minnesota has banned celebrations of Christmas, Thanksgiving and Valentines Day so as not to offend students of "diverse backgrounds".

- Finally...someone is taking a stand against the most divisive figure in America... Cupid.  

- Instead of candy hearts reading "Be Mine", the principal will get notes reading "Up Yours". 

*****

A study out of New Zealand found that dogs read faces just like humans do. 

- And then they lick them. 

***** 

The American Crime Story series, "The People vs. O.J. Simpson" premieres tonight on FX. 

- I can't wait to find out how it ends!

*****

Don't Forget!  The 29th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Radiothon is coming up on Friday, February 26th on 760 WJR AM from 6am to 10pm. Gail and I are asking you to help match our $30,000 donation which you can do right now by texting the key word "Purtan" to 41444 on your cell phone. Any amount you donate to this local feeding and sheltering program is appreciated! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick

FINALLY...  After months of build up, the Iowa Caucuses will officially take place tonight, with the latest polls showing Trump & Cruz neck and neck among GOP voters and Clinton & Sanders neck and neck among Democrats. 

- There hasn't been this much "necking" going on since Bill Clinton was in the Oval Office.

*****

Meteorologists predict that a huge snowstorm set to dump more than a foot of snow on Iowa won't hit until Tuesday morning. 

- Iowans aren't worried about the snowstorm...since they've been dealing with a political snow job for months now. 

*****

"Voting" in Iowa doesn't begin until 7pm so we won't know the results until late tonight. 

- And Bernie Sanders won't know until he wakes up to have his Bran Muffin tomorrow morning. 

*****

A study by the Salk Institute revealed that the capacity of the human brain is 10 times greater than previously thought. 

- Unless you happen to be a Kardashian. 

*****

The Fox television Network wowed audiences last night with a Live 3-Hour production of the Musical "Grease" following NBC's live production of "The Sound of Music" last year. 

-Up next... a live version of "Oh, Calcutta" on the Playboy Channel.

*****

Just a reminder... The 29th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon is coming up on Friday, February 26th. Gail and I will match all donations up to $30,000 that are made by texting "41444" on your smart phone and entering the key word "Purtan"! You don't have to wait for the Radiothon...you can donate right now to this vital program that feeds and shelters 5000 people a day! Any donation is welcome! Thank you!

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #185: "Just Around The Corner"

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Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #185. With the 29th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club 16-Hour Radiothon just around the corner, we welcome special guest Dale Johnson to the Purtan Dining Room Table. The big event will take place on Friday, February 26th at the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak and will be broadcast live on WJR 760 am. In this "Preview Podcast" I'll tell you about a new and unique way to give...and also ask a favor of you that would mean a lot to my wife Gail and me! It's something we've never done before...and you can really make a difference! 

Remember, the Bed & Bread Program feeds 4300 Metro Detroit men, women and children every day - 365 days a year and shelters more than 500 people every night. There's no other program like it! 

I'll also reveal which local "celebrity" reminds me of "The Donald", play a cut off one of my "Best Of" CD's, and share a story about the late Hector Sossi and my Dad. Who do you think knows more about Pasta? The owner of the Roma or a Mattress Salesman? 

So Give Podcast #185 a listen... and listen to the unique New Way you can Give to the Radiothon! 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick

Despite pleas from Bill O'Reilly, Donald Trump says he will not take part in tonight's debate hosted by Fox News because of his on-going feud with moderator Megyn Kelly. 

- So the remaining GOP candidates will be talking about the Elephant that's NOT in the room. 

- If Fox really wants ratings, they should get rid of the other candidates and just make it a debate between The Donald and Megyn. 

*****

Meanwhile Bernie Sanders met with President Obama for an hour yesterday, worrying Hillary Clinton's campaign.

- But Bernie says they didn't talk politics...it was just a Social-ist call. 

*****

Mattel announced that Barbie will now come in three new body types - instead of the traditional stick figure doll - to reflect real women. 

- Now you can choose from "Skinny Barbie", "Curvy Barbie" or "Rosie O'Donnell Barbie". 

*****

A study in the Washington Examiner found that more people are watching porn because it's safer than having sex. 

- Plus, you don't have to buy your computer dinner beforehand. 

- And it doesn't ask you what your thinking about afterward.

*****

Mexican drug lord El Chapo says he can't sleep in prison because the guards leave a light on in his cell all night. 

- I guess he won't be staying at the Motel 6 anytime soon. 

*****

A U.S. expert says that North Korea is just weeks away from launching a rocket into space. 

- So now instead of shooting his relatives, he can send them "Where No Aunts & Uncles Have Gone Before". 

*****

Apple had the most profitable quarter in American business history. 

- If you don't believe me, just look up the story on your iPhone. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with an all new Podcast!

-Dick

In an effort to end decades long rumors that he was dead, actor Abe Vigoda has died at the age of 94. He was best known for his roles as "Fish" on the sitcom "Barney Miller" and as the executed mob guy in "The Godfather".

- So finally...Fish is Sleeping With The Fishes. 

*****

Donald Trump will not participate in tomorrow night's GOP debate hosted by Fox News because Megyn Kelly will be a moderator. He doesn't like her, because in the first debate she asked him about his many comments about women being "fat", and he thinks that was an unfair question. 

- Trump is the classic example of a kid who says if he doesn't get what he wants, "I'm gonna take my ball and go home". 

- Or possibly... The Donald and Megyn are two crazy kids who have a crush on each other. 

*****

A 56 year old man crashed his car on I-75 in Detroit while watching a porn movie on his phone. Police say he was not wearing pants at the time. 

- Hey...maybe the guy was just a big fan of Donald Duck. 

*****

A new survey found that Star Wars has sold $715 million worth of toys since the film came out last month. 

- Star Wars owner Disney issued a statement saying "Luke...You are our cash cow". 

- Great. More stuff cluttering up 30 year old men's apartments in their parents basements. 

*****

Wisconsin police are looking for burglars who made off with $90,000 worth of parmesan cheese. 

- Apparently some people just don't care about their cholesterol. 

*****

The Navy Seal who wrote a book about killing Osama Bin Laden is accused of keeping an unauthorized picture of his corpse. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to the term "Photo-Bombing". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

RIP... Hector Sossi, the owner of the Roma Cafe in the Eastern Market has died at the age of 92. I have known Hector since I was a little boy when my Dad would bring me on his sales trips from Buffalo to Detroit. We would stay at the Statler Hotel, eat breakfast at the Adam's Grill and have dinner at the Roma Cafe. 

When Gail and I moved to Detroit in 1965, the first time we went out to dinner, I took her to the Roma and introduced her to Hector. After that the Roma became our favorite Italian restaurant in Detroit and continues to be. I used to mention the Roma on my radio show occasionally and Hector never failed to stop by our table and thank me for the mentions. He also never failed to NOT pick up the check! But that was fine with me...because the food was always so good!

Hector's wife Stella passed away a couple of years ago, she too was in her 90's. (It must have been the terrific meatballs!) 

Our condolences to their daughter Janet who for some years has run the Roma so Hector could spend time in Florida and play his beloved Golf. 

I'll have much more on Hector including a friendly argument he and my dad had over the meaning of "al dente" in my Podcast which will be posted on Friday. 

*****

Kwame Kilpatrick wrote a jailhouse letter saying that when Governor Snyder said he only recently found out about the water crisis in Flint "he is being viciously, aggressively, and deliberately untruthful."

- As they say, It takes one to know one. 

*****

Donald Trump told a crowd that he could shoot somebody and he still wouldn't lose any voters. 

- Especially if he shot Ted Cruz. 

*****

ISIS has se up a dating site for women who want to marry Jihadists. 

- It's called "eDisharmony.com".

- It's great for women looking for a short-term committed relationship. 

*****

A study by Business Week found that some porn writers earn more than porn actors. 

- They have writers???

- I guess The Pen IS Mightier Than The Sword.

*****

Chris Rock is reportedly re-writing his Academy Awards monologue in light of the #OscarsSoWhite scandal. 

- Meanwhile Jada Pinkett Smith says she's boycotting the entire Northeast because #SnowSoWhite.  

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Gone Ice Fishing... Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #184: "Words That Will Put You In 'Jeopardy' If You're Over 50?"

Click here to download Podcast 

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #184. Today daughter #2, Jackie, and I are joined at the Purtan Dining Room Table by daughter #5, Jessica. (She just happened to stop by to borrow some money - just kidding Jess!) The three of us discuss a list of words and phrases I found that aren't supposed to be used by people over 50 (see if you agree) and I don my Alex Trebek hat to give the girls a "Jeopardy!" quiz. 

We also talk about some astounding song lyrics that will have you taking note the next time you hear your favorite ditty. 

So take "Podcast #184 For $1000" and let us know what you think! And don't forget to put your answer in the form of a question...  (38:14)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick

Kwame To Supreme Kourt!

Kwame Kilpatrick has filed an appeal with the US Supreme Court hoping to get the high court to overturn his conviction.  

- Just when you thought there wasn't any good news! 

- He gave instructions to his lawyers to give oral arguments to the Judges, and if that doesn't work...try to bribe 'em. 

*****

Happy Birthday to my Daughter Julie's boy Brayden... He's the Big 0-4 today! 

*****

Donald Trump says would not rule out giving Sarah Palin a job in his administration. 

- Meanwhile Bernie Sanders says he wouldn't rule out giving Sean Penn a job in His administration. 

*****

A new study shows sleeping late can help prevent diabetes. 

- Mostly because it keeps you from eating Fruit Loops and Prune Juice for breakfast. 

*****

A new study found that nearly 10% of recent college grads in America think Judge Judy is a member of the US Supreme Court. 

- Parents everywhere are paraphrasing Judy's line:  "Don't Pee On My Leg and Tell Me I Just Paid 50 Grand For You To Be An Idiot". 

- If you needed proof that our country is headed in the wrong direction...here ya go.  

*****

The Fiat used by Pope Francis during his visit to Philadelphia is going to be auctioned off. 

- It comes with heated seats and a cigarette lighter just in case a new Pope is elected. 

*****

Mexican prison officials announced that drug kingpin El Chapo is now being guarded by a group of dogs.

- So now instead of building a tunnel, his friends are buying a squeaky toy. 

- Or as El Chapo calls them, "Coke-Canines".

*****

The Mayor of Flint has endorsed Hillary Clinton for President. 

- He used to disagree with her policies...but I guess that's just water under the bridge. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

A new study found that berries and citrus fruits can help cure Erectile Dysfunction. 

- So now, When the Moment's Right...Eat an Orange.

*****

A report by the US Intelligence Committee says Hillary Clinton's email server exposed documents that were even more sensitive than those that are labeled "Top Secret". 

- Ironically, Bill's emails showed a lot of "Tops" that he was trying to keep "Secret". 

*****

Michael Jackson's private collection of drawings are being auctioned off to benefit at-risk kids. 

- Of course there are a lot fewer at-risk kids since Michael isn't around anymore. 

*****

The big news in the publishing world is that Caitlyn Jenner will be releasing a memoir. 

- It's one of those He Said/She Said stories. 

*****

A large stake of the satirical newspaper and website "The Onion" has been sold to the Spanish Language Network, Univision. 

- Then again, the report was published by "The Onion" so you never know. 

*****

Pete Rose will be inducted into the Cincinnati Reds Hall of Fame. 

- He's the Reds all-time leader in hits, runs, and errors in judgement. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

RIP... Glenn Frey. The co-founder of The Eagles has died at the age of 67. According to his lifelong friend Bob Seger, Glenn was in the hospital since November, was in and out of a coma, and finally succumbed to complications from rheumatoid arthritis, acute ulcerative colitis and pneumonia. 

Frey was both a guitarist and songwriter...helping pen and sing many of The Eagles hits like "Take It Easy", "Lyin' Eyes", "Hotel California", "Desperado", and "Take It To The Limit". 

The band broke up in 1980 - but reunited for a tour last summer. The Eagles sold over 150 Million albums. Frey was a graduate of Royal Oak Dondero High School. 

One of Frey's solo songs, "The Heat Is On" was featured in the "Beverly Hills Cop" movies. So in a way...a very small way???...we starred in a movie together. 

*****

American Pie singer Don McLean was arrested for domestic violence at his home in Maine. 

- Apparently he got ticked off when he drove his Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.

- He's expected to get 30 days in jail...which is exactly how long it takes to listen to "American Pie" one time. 

*****

According to the "Treasury Ministry", ISIS has cut terrorist fighters salaries in half due to "exceptional circumstances". 

- They've also cut the "Retirement Package" meaning instead of 72 Virgins waiting in the afterlife, they only get 30. 

- With the pay cut a lot of terrorists are having to get a second job to afford suicide vests for their kids. 

*****

A town here in Michigan is selling gas for just 78 cents a gallon. 

- That makes it a cheaper and safer alternative to the drinking water. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #183: "Gene Taylor - Part Two"

Click here to download Podcast 

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #183. Today Jackie and I continue our tribute to Gene Taylor - the longtime producer and writer for my morning show - as we mark the 15th Anniversary of his untimely and tragic death. Join us as we play more cuts that Gene wrote and/or performed on including The Ladies of Harley, Johnny Carson and Bill & Hillary Clinton. 

We also include some info on this year's Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon coming up on Friday, Feb. 26th and broadcast on WJR 760AM! 

We hope you'll tune in to the Podcast this weekend... and donate at the end of February! 

See you back here Monday! 

-Dick

Ben Is Big At The Palace

Congrats to Piston Great "Big Ben" Wallace, whose #3 Jersey will be retired and sent to the rafters before Saturday night's game!

-  It'll be the first retirement ceremony at the Palace since the Piston's retired Dennis Rodman's Wedding Dress back in 2011.

*****

Five people won last night's Powerball Jackpot. 

- And bets are everyone of them will use the money to quit their job, take a trip to Disney World and hire security to protect them from friends and relatives.   

*****

With Bernie Sanders polling higher in Iowa, some of Hillary Clinton's aides say they are suffering from "2008 PTSD".

- Meanwhile, Bill's aides claim he's suffering from STD's. 

*****

A study published in the journal Biology Letters suggests that dogs can read human emotions. 

- So can Cats, but THEY don't give a rats patoot how you're feeling. 

*****

A new survey found that 1 in 10 Americans would star in a porn movie for a million bucks. 

- The same survey found that 10 in 10 Kardashians would do it for free... They'd be better off doing a remake of the classic film "Rear Window". 

*****

The cast of "Friends" is reuniting for a 2-hour NBC special that will honor the show's director James Burrows. 

- In other showbiz news... Hollywood is planning a new Buddy movie starring Sean Penn and El Chapo. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Water, Water Everywhere...And FINALLY a Drop To Drink!

Last night, Governor Snyder activated the National Guard to help hand out safe drinking water to the people in Flint. 

- This has been going on for some time...so it's about time he decided to get the lead out. 

*****

Donald Trump called last night's State of the Union address "really boring, slow & lethargic". 

- He said the exact same thing last week about Jeb Bush. 

*****

After 21 years, the St. Louis Rams are headed back to Los Angeles. 

- That's all well and good, but most likely the Lions still have no chance of going to the Super Bowl anytime soon. 

*****

Police in Ohio sent their thanks to a wanted man who was captured after sending them a selife to replace his mugshot which he said was "terrible".

- The man used a Selfie-Stick to snap the pic which will be replaced by a Selfie-Shank when he gets to prison. 

*****

According to a new report, Bill and Hillary Clinton did not give Donald Trump a gift for his 2005 wedding to wife Melania. 

- Looks like things are about to get nasty on the campaign trail. 

*****

A cologne inspired by Vladimir Putin has become a top seller in Moscow...with creators saying it has a "warm, inviting & unifying" scent... 

- ...With "Invasive & Communist undertones". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick