Think Pink!

Women across America are celebrating the FDA's approval of the so-called "Pink Viagra" - the first ever drug to improve women's sex drive. 

- Unless you count the illegal stuff that Bill Cosby likes to put in women's drinks. 

*****

The IT company that maintained Hillary Clinton's private email server operated out of a loft apartment and kept the server in a bathroom closet. 

- Which makes perfect sense to me... It's so much easier to scrub a hard drive clean when it's right near the bathtub. 

*****

The winner of the World Yo-Yo Contest held in Japan this week is none other than 20-year old Jake Elliot from Milford. 

- We tried to reach Jake for a comment but his Dad said he was busy Walking the Dog. 

- His Dad added that he and Yo-Yo's Ma were very proud. 

*****

Hackers broke into the Ashley Madison dating site for married people looking to have an affair and posted personal information about tens of thousands of "clients" including names and sexual preferences. 

- Women haven't torn through anything this fast since "Fifty Shades of Grey". 

- Bill Clinton is hoping that nobody will pick up on his username "Former-Commander-in-Briefs".

*****

Yvonne Craig, who played Batgirl on the Batman TV series, has died suddenly at the age of 78. 

- It happened so fast, Commissioner Gordon didn't even have time to flash the Bat Signal. 

- Her eulogy was going to be delivered by The Joker, but The Penguin looks so much better in a tux.

*****

A new report says that American marijuana businesses are are having a hard time finding workers. 

- Apparently, when the workers go out for their "smoke break" they end up wandering off to find a party-size bag of Doritos. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with an all new Podcast!

-Dick 

A study at the THE Ohio State University found that fighting with your spouse can lead to obesity. 

- I agree with that. It's something I learned by watching the Jerry Springer Show. 

*****

A new report claims that AT&T helped the NSA spy on your internet chats. 

- It was part of their "Reach Out And Spy On Someone" program. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to "Shared Data".

*****

Oscar Pistorius will be released from prison this Friday. (He ONLY served 10 months).

- NOTE TO WOMEN: If he invites you over to his place, don't use the bathroom!

*****

Hillary Clinton's spokesperson announced that Hillary will appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show because they share similar views. 

- Plus, Ellen loves to dance and Hillary's been dancing around the e-mail deal for months now. 

*****

Donald Trump told New York Magazine that Heidi Klum is no longer a "10". 

- Heidi responded that "The Donald" is still a "zero". 

*****

Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell said he believes aliens visited earth to prevent a nuclear war between Russia and the U.S. 

- If that's true, I'd like to invite them back and let them loose on ISIS. 

*****

Darrell Hammond is out...and Norm MacDonald is in as the spokesperson for KFC. 

- Norm says he's thrilled and that working for KFC has alway been on his Bucket List. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

You May Turn Your Nose Up At This...

The website RoadSnacks.net released a list of the "10 Snobbiest Places in Michigan". Here are the results from 10 to 1:

10. Saline

9. Okemos

8. Novi

7. Troy

6. Petoskey

5. Traverse City

4. Royal Oak

3. Plymouth

2. Rochester

And the Snobbiest place in Michigan... Northville. 

- Is it just me or did someone forget Birmingham...or Melvindale...or Flint???

*****

Donald Trump reported for jury duty in New York City yesterday. 

- He told the judge he would not vote in any trial unless he was elected Foreman.  

*****

Disney announced that a new Star Wars-themed land is coming to Disney World. 

- They could save a lot of money by just making Yoda the 8th Dwarf. 

- I can't wait to hear Darth Vader say "Mickey Mouse...I am your father". 

- They came up with the concept a long time ago...in a galaxy far, far away. 

*****

China unveiled a sculpture that's identical to Chicago's famous sculpture, The Bean. 

- But the Chinese version comes in a giant White Carton and is covered with the Chef's Special Sauce. 

*****

A new study shows that women who work more than forty hours a week struggle to get pregnant. 

- A related study found that women who work more than forty hours a week trying to get pregnant are happy, but exhausted. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Reality Bites...

I read a story about sharks the other day…it turns out there are more than 500 species - an incredibly diverse cast of characters lumped into 35 families.

- 37 if you include the Bernsteins and the Fiegers.

*****

President Obama released his daytime/nighttime musical playlist on Spotify.  Among his favorites is "Wang Dang Doodle" by Howlin' Wolf. 

- He didn't even know that song until Bill Clinton released His playlist last month. 

*****

New York City was named the most unfriendly city by Travel and Leisure Magazine. 

- New Yorker’s responded with “Up Yours!"

*****

Rolling Stone magazine has named Bob Dylan as the "Greatest Songwriter Of All Time". 

- Song WRITER not Song SINGER. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #168: "We're Back At Podcast Central!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #168... our first "Podisode" since getting back from our summer vacation. Jackie and I talk about how we spent our time off, and a myriad of other topics including: 

- Tarantulas, Grass Hoppers and a Preying Mantis...oh my!

- Famous actresses caught shop lifting.

- Since we recorded this podcast on August 14th, the 20th anniversary of the last day of WWII we talk about why it took 2 Atomic Bombs to get Japan to Surrender. 

- The person who I think would be a great President. 

- Why rapper "Lil B The Space God" stopped endorsing Hillary.  

- Little House On The Prairie star Melissa Gilbert running for Congress in Michigan. 

- And the REAL reason China devalued their currency. 

It's the Dog Days of August...so catch a Frisbee in your teeth and tune in to Podcast #168! (21:37).

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick

Time To Put Your Top Down!

The 21st Annual Dream Cruise is coming up this Saturday on Woodward Avenue. A number of people I've run into the last week or so have asked if I'll be going to the Big Event, and I tell  them that after doing 14 Cruises in a row, I'm literally "Exhausted". (Cough...cough). I'll just stay home and watch my daughter, JoAnne, on the Channel 7 news coverage!

*****

We've got the Dream Cruise, and in San Francisco, that "glamorous" City by the Bay, vagrancy has gotten so bad that the city has painted nine walls with a repellant paint that makes pee spray back on the offender's clothes and shoes.

- So if you're headed to SF for vacation, Urine for a big surprise. 

*****

The big financial story is that China has devalued it's currency, the Yuan, again. 

- Like any good American I'm wondering how this will effect the price of my favorite Sweet 'n Sour Chicken at the China Cafe. 

- China made the change after adding up the numbers in Column A and Column B.  

*****

A study by World Lifestyle named Cheetos the worst snack for people trying to eat healthy. 

- But it's the best snack for people who want orange fingers.

- Phew. I was afraid I was going to have to give up Fried Pork Rinds. 

*****

Sources are saying that FOX News president Roger Ailes has sided with Donald Trump over Megyn Kelly in their recent debate dispute. 

- It was a tough decision for him because their both blondes. 

*****

The hot showbiz rumor is that the Spice Girls are planning a 20 year reunion tour. 

- The songs will be the same, but this time around Baby Spice will be known as Old Spice. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here with a brand new Podcast on Friday! 

-Dick 

Little House of Representatives On The Prairie?

Little House on the Prairie star Melissa Gilbert is running for Congress in Michigan's 8th District. 

- She says she feels confident she can beat her rival, Nellie Oleson. 

*****

Bars in London are now serving "Breathable Alcohol" in which you soak up booze through your skin and eyes. 

- In America we call that, "Hanging out with Lindsay Lohan". 

- It's for people who are just too darn lazy to actually pick up a glass. 

*****

The National Nurses Union has endorsed Bernie Sanders. 

- Meanwhile the National Chicken Lovers Union has endorsed Colonel Sanders. 

*****

A Drexel University survey found that 88% of adults have sexted. 

- The other 12% still have rotary dial phones. 

*****

Japan has invented personal vehicles that can fold up so small they can fit in people's pockets. 

- So now you'll not only forget where you put your keys, you'll forget where you put your car. 

*****

Hillary Clinton unveiled her $350 Billion college affordability plan on Monday. 

- She'll reveal the details in a $300,000 speech she's giving at Harvard next week. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

- Dick 

The Donald and Megyn: Things Are Gettin' Hairy

Donald Trump says that he's the one who deserves an apology after his nasty exchange with Fox News debate host Megyn Kelly. 

- The Donald insisted that if Megyn doesn't apologize "there's going to be hell toupee". 

*****

Astronomers have spotted a mysterious woman-like shape on the planet Mars. 

- They knew it was true when they spotted Bill Cosby offering her a drink. 

- I thought Women were from Mars and Men were from Venus. 

*****

A new survey found that 75% of millennials plan on buying a home someday. 

- The other 25% assume they'll inherit the one they're living in now. 

*****

Cuba is building 4 new cruise ships in anticipation of the increased tourism between the US and Cuba. 

- To make people leaving Cuba feel at home, the massive boats will be shaped like '57 Chevys.

***** 

Kris Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner were seen together at a grocery store in Los Angeles. 

- They both stocked up on the staples...Milk, Bread and Miss Clairol hair color. 

- Caitlyn also bought some "Secret" deodorant because "It's Strong Enough For a Man, But Made For a Woman". 

*****

Target has announced they will no longer label their departments by gender. 

- So now if your looking for pantyhose at Target, you're on your own. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

I hope you've been having a great "summer" (if you can call it that!) Jackie and I are back from our break, rested and ready to roll. But before we dive into the news of the day, I thought I'd take a minute to catch you up on my time off, kind of like the kids do when they head back to school. With that said, here's a short essay: 

What I Did On My Summer Vacation by Dickie P. 

I had a great time on my vacation. First of all, I slept in and then had breakfast while watching cartoons. (I think Spongebob and Patrick might be more than just "friends".)

One day, I opened a lemonade stand at the bottom of my driveway. Lot's of cars drove by, but no one stopped until I changed the sign to read: "Lemonade & Vodka". After that, business really picked up. 

One weekend I went to Cedar Point! It was a blast! I got on "The Raptor" and pulled a muscle in my shoulder putting on the seat belt. I asked the teenager running the ride to let me off, then put a note in the suggestion box. It said: "Please change the sign from "You must be 54 inches to ride the Raptor" to "You must be under 30 years old to ride the Raptor". 

I saw a lot of people there wearing T-Shirts like "I Used To Be With Stupid. Now I'm with an Idiot!" and "I'm the Best Ride at Cedar Point". 

I was disappointed that they didn't have Salmon flavored funnel cakes, but other than that it was an awesome trip! 

I also went to sleepaway camp, but got homesick and called my mom, uh, my wife, to pick me up after one day. 

I did a lot of other stuff too, but I really don't remember. 

All in all, it was an excellent summer vacation. 

-Dickie P. 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

It's Vacation Time!

Hi guys (can you still say "guys" for everybody?) 

I've made the executive decision to give Jackie and myself a few weeks off from the Blog, Facebook and Podcasting! Let's face it, Summer only rolls around once a year and here in Michigan we never know how long it's gonna last! 

Back when we run out of sunscreen... And if you see a guy roaming around town in black socks and sandals - it'll probably be me...

Have fun!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #167: "A Family Affair"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the 4th of July Weekend and Podcast #167! Gather 'round the Purtan Dining Room Table for a Red, White, & Blue discussion on topics including:  

- What Julie's 3 year old son Brayden had to do to earn a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. 

- The time actor Victor Mature called and basically hit on my wife Gail. 

- The growing trend among women to let their arm pit hair grow. 

- The "Best Lead Band Singer of All Time"...and a few of the WORST songs of all time. 

- My being kicked out of the studio at CKLW and why. 

- And a recent exorcism by the Vatican and some Catholic Priests...of the entire country of Mexico. 

So before you light up your sparklers and run around the backyard, take a few minutes to fire up Podcast #167. There may even be a few "oohs" and "ahhs". 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday! 

-Dick

LOL!

Yesterday was International Joke Day. 

- To honor the event, a Priest, a Rabbi and a German Shepherd walked into a bar...

*****

Western Europe is experiencing an historic heatwave - with temps reaching up to 111 degrees Fahrenheit. 

- It's so hot, the French aren't even giving American tourists the cold shoulder. 

*****

In the wake of what many consider Donald Trump's anti-Mexican comments, Macy's will no longer carry his clothing line. 

- But his Ego will still be the most inflated float in their annual Thanksgiving Day Parade. 

*****

TV Land will no longer show re-runs of "The Dukes of Hazzard" because execs claim the show glorifies the Confederate Flag. 

- They also announced that they'll pull re-runs of "Joanie Loves Chachi" because it glorifies stupidity. 

*****

3,000 of Hillary Clinton's private emails from when she was Secretary of State were released, including ones where she emailed staff members to get her iced tea when she was thirsty. 

- Unlike Bill, who used his email to ask staffers to bring him an intern when he was randy. 

*****

A new study found that the majority of Americans suffer from "Digital Amnesia" - relying on smartphones and other devices to "remember" things for them. 91% said they use the Internet as "an extension of their brain". 

- I'll have more on this story after I Google it. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

July 1st...

Jackie here... Thanks a million for all your birthday wishes! So much appreciated! And now on with the news....

*****

Today is Canada Day.. the day they celebrate the "forming of the dominion", thanks for asking', eh? 

- And they're also celebrating  the day I left CKLW and crossed back over the river...

*****

NJ Governor Chris Christie launched his Presidential Campaign in his old high school gym.

- He wanted to start with a fresh slate and make the announcement somewhere he's never been before. 

*****

Negotiators for the US and Iran have extended the deadline for a nuclear deal until July 7th. 

- Apparently Iran wants to see how the whole "fireworks thing" works out on the 4th. 

*****

The captured New York inmate David Sweat, is recovering from his gunshot wounds and and is looking forward to returning to prison.,

- He's hoping to get a cell next to,  his former girlfriend, Joyce Mitchell. 

*****

See you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Happy Birthday Jackie!

Happy Birthday to Jackie, my fellow podcaster, blog writer, and Daughter #2! Have a great day and a great year ahead! 

She's given us nothing but joy since the day she was born...all 9 pounds 13 ounces of her!  

*****

Scientists will add one extra second to a minute at 8:00pm tonight. It's known as a "leap second" and is being done to keep to keep up with the earth's rotation. 

- What a sec... Are they sure they know what they're doing? 

*****

A new study found that mediation and yoga can actually lead to more anxiety. 

-I think the anxiety part comes from knowing that the people behind you in Yoga class are staring at your butt. 

*****

The "World's Ugliest Dog" competition has officially wrapped up in California. First place went to  a Shepherd-Pit Bull mix named "Quasi Modo".

- They were going to have a "World's Ugliest Cat" competition, but none of the cats would get off the back of the couch to even enter. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow ...the 1st of July! Maybe that's when summer will finally kick in! 

-Dick 

P.S. Sorry for the short blog... having a Birthday lunch instead!

Purtan Podcast #166: "Fifty Shades Of A Three-Year-Old"

Click here to download Podcast

Brayden and his Aunt Jackie 

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #166! This week Daughter #6, Julie, and her 3 year old son Brayden join me and Jackie at the Purtan Dining Room Table for a grown up conversation (except for the 3 year old part). Topics include:  

- The common words and expressions we're not supposed to use anymore according to the "PC Police".

- The recent trend of parents giving their babies "neutral gender" names.

- Can women really have specific-sex embryos implanted to guarantee they'll get the boy or girl they want, as Kim Kardashian claims she did? 

- The stupidest question...by far...that I ever asked a doctor.

- And the fourth and latest volume in the "Fifty Shade of Grey" series.

So before you run out to the bookstore...take a few minutes and listen to Podcast #166!   (31:17) 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back her Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

Supreme Court Upholds Obamacare By 6-3 Vote.

Obama happy. But not so happy at White House event Tuesday when he had a heckler removed saying, "You know what? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. No, no, no, no. You are in my house. If you are eating the hors d'oeuvres, know what I'm sayin'? And drinking the booze?"

-Michelle Obama's mother sheepishly apologized and promised she'd never do it again. 

*****

Target and Sears have joined Wal-Mart in refusing to sell the Confederate Flag, and now a NY film critic is saying that "Gone With The Wind" is so racist, it should only be shown in museums. 

- "The Wizard of Oz" is also under fire because only PART of it was in color. 

*****

Some kids in Indiana were caught selling salt, pepper and sugar to fellow students to try and add flavor to the bland Michelle Obama dictated school lunches. 

- And you know what they say about salt...it's the gateway seasoning to garlic powder. 

*****

Doctors are warning women who wear skinny jeans not to squat for too long because it can cut off circulation to their lower extremities. 

- They added that guys who wear skinny jeans can end up cutting off a lot more than just their circulation. 

*****

A Pennsylvania brewery is honoring former Penn State Football coach Joe Paterno with his own beer. 

- And if you drink enough of it you won't be able to see anything...just like Joe. 

*****

There are multi reports that ISIS is now printing it's own currency. 

- Why? It's not like it's members need to save for retirement. 

*****

A prison inmate says that the woman who helped two New York convicts escape had sex with them in a closet more than 100 times. 

- Which begs the question: When did they find time to do all that drilling to break out of their cell? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Lady Gaga Shows Off Her TaTa's...

Lady Gaga was photographed Topless, going out for pizza in New York City.

- I know it's hot out, but she should at least have the decency to wear a couple of round steaks. 

- The guys at the pizza joint described her as "Hot and Ready". 

*****

Wal-Mart announced that it will no longer sell Confederate Flag merchandise. 

- Luckily, they still have the lowest prices on Jefferson Davis action figures. 

*****

Wikileaks is reporting that the NSA spied on three French Presidents dating back to 1995. 

- So for 20 years, we've known their exact plans for surrender if they're ever attacked. 

*****

A new report says that Hillary Clinton's campaign has been registering voters outside of grocery stores. 

- Not to be outdone, Donald Trump is registering voters outside of Tiffany's. 

*****

Rachel Dolezal says she's receiving offers from reality TV show producers. 

- I'm bettin' her show will be filmed in Black and White. 

*****

Disney's Animal Kingdom is now selling brownies called "Animal Poop", at $4 a pop. 

- Or in this case... $4 a poop. 

- If you're looking for something more refreshing, try one of their frozen "Poopsicles". 

*****

A study by Yahoo News says erectile dysfunction drugs are leading to an increase in skin cancer. 

- So guys...make sure you put on sunscreen before climbing into that bathtub in your backyard. 

- Remember..."When the Moment's Right...Go To Your Dermatologist".

*****

The fourth book "Fifty Shades of Grey" series has sold 1.4 million copies in just 4 days. 

- We tried to reach the author for a comment, but her publicist said she was "tied up at the moment". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

"We Made It Through The Rain!"

I Hope everyone is alright following last night's gigantic storms! We hunkered down and slept in the lower level of our house. Also...I can't thank you enough for all of the Father's Day wishes and kind words about my family in response to yesterdays post! 

- I was wished "Happy Father's Day" more times than Jim Bob Duggar. 

*****

United Airlines announced that they're no longer flying out of JFK airport in New York. 

- The announcement was delayed by two hours due to bad weather in Chicago. 

*****

The University of California has asked faculty and students to stop using "potentially offensive" phrases including “America is a melting pot,” “Why are you so quiet?” and “I believe the most qualified person should get the job."

- Why don't we all just become Mimes and call it a day? 

*****

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced that they are expecting a baby boy. 

- Of course the way that family operates, the sex of the baby could change at any time. 

*****

According to a new study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, there are now more obese American adults than overweight American adults. 

- So if you're just plain "overweight", consider yourself part of a more exclusive club. 

- They refer to the obese group as "Whoppers" and overweight people as "Whopper Juniors".  

*****

A new study found that more U.S. adults are taking drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder than children. 

- Wow. I didn't realize so many adults had ADD. Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Paris? It was beautiful. I like ice cream. Wanna go for a bike ride? 

*****

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will hear Tom Brady's appeal of his Deflate-Gate suspension later today. 

- Tom is nervous, but his his wife Giselle Bunchen told him to just take a deep breath in...then just let it out. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

A Picture Purt-Fect Father's Day!

To all of you Dad's out there... I hope you had as great a Father's Day as I did! The whole family went out for lunch and our six daughters treated!!!! As for the eight grandkids... they were at the other end of the table and were busy running up the tab! 

*****

Hallmark is reporting that 180 million men received a Father's Day gift yesterday. 

- It would have been 180 million and one...but Bruce Jenner got all his gifts on Mother's Day. 

*****

Severe storms with winds up to 70mph, golf ball size hail, and even a possible tornado may put a damper on tonight's Ford Fireworks on the Detroit River. 

- So guys...if it's Fireworks you're after, you might want to go the old fashioned "flowers for no reason" route. 

*****

A Rochester, New York high school announced that their sports teams will no longer be called the Orientals. 

- I guess they just couldn't sweep this issue under the rug any longer. 

- They'll know be known by the more politically correct name: "The Amazin' Asians!"

*****

The FBI has released a cookbook of their favorite recipes. 

- The book is entitled "America's Most Wanted Slow Cooker Creations!" 

- You can see pictures of the dishes at your local post office. 

*****

The Statue of Liberty turns 130 years old this week. 

- And she's still carrying a torch for that guy she dated in high school. 

*****

In a new book,  Playboy Bunny Holly Madison says that she didn't enjoy sex with Hugh Hefner. 

- Hugh issued a statement saying he once slept with DOLLY Madison and she even sent him a thank you note. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #165: "Almonds & Walnuts"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #165. This go-around Jackie and I welcome my wife Gail to the Purtan Dining Room Table for some "Pillow Talk" about the passing of Detroit Radio Icon Alan Almond, among other things. Highlights: 

- The first time I "saw" the mysterious Alan Almond, and how I peeked around the corner to see him. 

- Years later, when I found out that Alan had purchased something that I used to own...and the amazing thing he didn't know about it. 

- Jackie's recollection of listening to Alan's show in college... (Who knew a Twix bar, a Michelob Lite, love songs and Alan's deep baritone voice could evoke such emotion!)

- A "Best of Purtan" cut featuring Doc Andrews spoofing Alan Almond as "Alan Walnuts". 

Plus...

- LeBron James "wardrobe malfunction" on live TV. 

- The Donald wanting Oprah as his VP. 

- And Hillary Clinton: The most famous white woman in the world... if you don't count Rachel Dolezal. 

So no matter how awake you are...take a few minutes to have "Sweet Dreams, Angel" in Podcast #165.  (27:47). 

Have a great Father's Day Weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick