Hernandez: NFL Hall of Shamer!

Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez was convicted of murder and was sentenced to life without parole. 

- Luckily, getting patted on the butt during all those huddles has prepared him for the slammer. 

*****

Paula Deen announced that her new restaurant in Tennessee will open on April 27th. 

- And the first 25 customers get a free Egg White Omelet! 

*****

A female CEO in Texas, Cheryl Rios, it taking fire for claiming that a woman should not be President of the US because her hormones would  make it impossible for her to start a war. 

- But she did admit that a female President would be tough at the negociating table...for a few days every month. 

*****

Doctors in London say that Julius Caesar may have suffered a series of mini-strokes that left him angry later in life. 

- He was particularly angry about that whole being assassinated thing. 

*****

Kim Kardashian's book of "selfies" hits book stores at the end of the week. 

- I've already reserved my copy at "Butts and Noble". 

*****

Brian Williams was seen around New York City walking his dog. 

- He claimed he used a pooper-scooper, but even his dog said it wasn't true. 

*****

A Montana man was arrested after his girlfriend found him "romancing" their pet Husky. 

- Apparently this guys thinks dogs are "Man's Best Friend...With Benefits". 

- He claims he was just trying to prove that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A Very Taxing Day...

It's April 15th... Deadline Day for filing your federal income taxes. 

- And if you're like me...you have every confidence that Congress will spend your money wisely!

*****

In clip from his upcoming interview with Diane Sawyer about his sex change, Bruce Jenner said "My whole life has been getting me ready for this". 

- And now that he's a woman, it takes him 3 hours to get ready for interviews. 

*****

Royal Caribbean has two ships at sea right now with passengers experiencing gastrointestinal illnesses. 

- On the bright side, the line at the Midnight Buffet is a lot shorter than usual. 

- To try and contain the illness, all of the sick passengers have been moved to the Poop Deck. 

*****

Hillary Clinton confirmed that she named 35 year old Robby Mook as her campaign chief, making him the first openly gay manager of a US presidential campaign. 

- His strategy to get votes? Accessorize!

*****

A new study found that 58% of American students are not proficient enough in Grammar. 

- For example, most of the students believe "Grammar" is the old lady married to their "Gramper". 

*****

65 year old Billy Joel and his 33 year old girlfriend have confirmed that they have a baby on the way. 

- She wants a boy... But Billy wants an Uptown Girl. 

- A baby at 65??? He must be going out of his tree. Or driving his car into one... 

*****

The FDA is monitoring a program that prescribes medicinal marijuana to dogs. 

- And you thought Rover could jump high to catch that Frisbee now!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Clintons More Than All a-Twitter!

Hillary Clinton officially announced her run for the 2016 Presidential election in a video she posted on YouTube Sunday. 

- In a related story...Bill Clinton spent Sunday WATCHING videos other women posted on MyBoobs. 

*****

The White House has installed a "Gender Neutral" bathroom featuring both a urinal and a toilet. 

- It's known as the "Bruce Jenner" room. 

- With everything going on in the world, it's nice to know Gender Neutral Bathrooms are the administrations #1 priority. And #2. 

*****

"Furious 7" was number one at the box office for the 2nd straight week. 

- If you haven't seen it... it' just like "12 Angry Men" but with 5 fewer guys who are a lot madder. 

*****

Katie Holmes was spotted at Disneyland over the weekend with her 8 year old daughter Suri Cruise. 

- She said the Magic Kingdom was a lot like Scientology...except you're allowed to leave. 

- Katie posed for a picture with the Seven Dwarfs but, our of habit, made them all stand on crates so they'd look taller than her. 

*****

Sources at Buckingham Palace say the Royal Baby will arrive next month. 

- Sounds like Prince Harry has scheduled a trip to see Grandma. 

*****

A new study found that Obesity may protect people from dementia. 

- Researchers came to that conclusion after noticing that no one EVER got lost on their way to the All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet. 

*****

A female contestant on "The Bachelor" reportedly broke wind twice on her first date. 

- And then they had sex. 

***** 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #156: "A Hooker Celebrates Her 25th Anniversary!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #156! Jackie and I are back at the Purtan Dining Room table (aka "Podcast Central") for a semi-riveting discussion of topics including: 

- Julia Roberts & The 25th Anniversary of the movie "Pretty Woman"... Plus Jason "George on Seinfeld" Alexander's role in it as a bad guy. 

- The woman who wrote her own obit that's gone viral. 

- Bob Dylan's rather interesting comments on Frank Sinatra, Nancy Sinatra, Jimmy Rogers, Chuck Berry, Shakespeare and who Bob believes is the most successful composer of all time. 

- Plus 3 cuts (Or is it SIX?) from the "Best of Purtan" CD Collection. (Once again...my technical prowess comes shining through!)

So stop thinking about last-minute deductions (Yup...April 15th is almost here) and tune in to Podcast #156. It's not "taxing"...I promise!  (22:49)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog! 

-Dick 

Barry Manilow Can't Smile Without...GARRY!

The media is all abuzz with the confirmation that Barry Manilow and his longtime manager Garry Kief were married in a secret ceremony last April. 

- That sound you hear is millions of middle aged women's heart breaking and their husbands saying, "I told you so". 

- Following the ceremony, the happy couple spent a romantic Weekend in New England. 

- The two met at the Copa. Copacabana. It's the hottest spot North of Havana. 

*****

And speaking of happy marriages... Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles celebrate their 10th Wedding Anniversary today. 

- The Queen says Camilla is still crazy for Charles and that he has her "eating out of his hand"... mostly oats. 

*****

McDonald's announced plans to start serving bigger burgers. 

- The burgers may be bigger...but the kid at the drive-thru window is still gonna get your order wrong. 

*****

According to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control, 90% of sexually active teens use contraception. 

- The other 10% are registered at "Babies R Us". 

*****

A headline on Rand Paul's website misspelled the world "education". 

- Dan Quayle said it was no big deal...you know..."You say Potatoe, I say Potatoe". 

*****

A New Jersey school teacher plead not guilty to having sex with 6 students in her car. 

- The boys allegedly involved are supporting her...except for the one guy she gave a "C+".

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick

Pretty Women!

ABC News sources confirm that Bruce Jenner will formerly introduce himself as a women in a recorded two-hour interview with Diane Sawyer set to air on April 24th. 

- He was going to wait until later this summer, but he's anxious to celebrate his very first Mother's Day! 

- The show was only supposed to be sixty minutes long...but it turns out those two gals could gab for HOURS! 

*****

Meanwhile over at NBC...the Brian Williams scandal is getting even weirder. His bosses say he can't bring himself to say "I Lied" and asked if maybe he had "a brain tumor or something wrong in his head". 

- I think the only thing that's wrong with his head is that his nose keeps growing. 

*****

A power outage temporarily shut down the electricity at the White House and Capitol building Tuesday. 

- It marked the first time Congress was in the dark both literally and figuratively. 

- On the bright side... the front door of the WH was locked! 

*****

115 year old Jeralean Talley of Inskter is now "The World's Oldest Living Person". She inherited the crown when a 116 year old Arkansas woman died Monday, after holding the title for just 6 days. 

- Is it just me... or it this "World's Oldest Living Person" thing kind of a blessing and a curse?

- Her family is planning a celebration for Jeralean... "as soon as humanly possible". 

*****

NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden claims that the NSA spies on naked photos of Americans. 

- Why go to the trouble of spying when you can just go on Instagram like everybody else? 

*****

Starbucks Is now offering its Baristas free college tuition at the University of Arizona. 

- Now that they don't have tuition payments to make...they can actually afford a cup of coffee where they work.

*****

Don McLean's manuscript for the song "American Pie" was auctioned off for a cool $1.25 Million. 

- Even with bidding going that high, the auction still wasn't as long as the song. 

- Finally he can afford to visit the three men he admires the most, who caught the last train for the coast. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

"Take James Out To The Ballgame..."

It's Opening Day for the Tigers! And one of the thousands of people who are Celebrating the day... James "The Walking Man" Robertson. So many of you have asked how he's doing... And I'm here to tell you... He' doing GREAT! Jackie talks or texts with him daily, and even as I write this he's on his way down to Comerica Park to root on the Tigs! Baseball is his passion...something he didn't have much time for when he was walking 21 miles a day to get to his job and back. But now, with a car, and a new life, he can do things he could never do before. GO TIGERS! And GO JAMES! 

*****

President Obama will host the 137th "Easter Egg Roll" on the White House lawn today, with 35,000 expected to attend. 

- There hasn't been that big a crowd since Bill Clinton hosted the "Easter Egg Roll In The Hay" in 1996. 

*****

An Argentinian man died while having sex with a Scarecrow. 

- His last words were "I'll miss you the most..."

*****

North Korean officials are recruiting women to be a part of Kim Jong Un's "Pleasure Squad". 

- Apparently he wasn't getting enough responses on eManiacalDictator.com.

- ATTENTION SINGLE LADIES: If you're looking for a guy "do die for"...here's your golden opportunity! And if that doesn't work out...there's always ISIS. 

*****

"Furious 7" took in an astounding $127 Million at the box office this weekend. 

- That breaks the old record set by "12 Angry Men". 

*****

A study by Clinical Psychiatry fount that 70% of the people who take anti-depressants are not clinically depressed. 

- Unless they go off their meds...

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

P.S. GO TIGERS!!!!!

Purtan Podcast #155: "In Elementary School...Why Did I Have To Know All About Those 'Explorer' Guys?"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the first weekend of APRIL and Podcast #155... In this go-around, Jackie and I shower you with a discussion of topics including: 

- When does food REALLY "expire"? And our very different views of what's okay to eat...and when it's okay to eat it. 

- My experiences with food poisoning...including one that landed me in the hospital. 

- The Tigers new season and the quest to give Mike Ilitch a much deserved World Series Ring. 

- The MLB team that Vegas odds-makers think will go all the way this year... REALLY? 

- My love of Wikipedia.

- How I was literally pounded in elementary school about "The Explorers". 

- And on that note... A quiz about those explorers and what they discovered.

So put on your thinking cap...along with your Tiger's cap...and take a swing at Podcast #155.

Have a great weekend - GO SPARTANS! GO TIGERS! - and I'll see you back here on Monday!

-Dick 

Monica To Join Whoopi On Cushion?!

Multiple sources say that Barbara Walters has picked Monica Lewinsky to join the cast of "The View". 

- The show will even have a new opening theme..."Devil With The Blue Dress On". 

- She's no Rosie O'Donnell... Close, but no cigar. 

*****

A study by InfoPlease.Com says that American children will consume 90 Million chocolate bunnies this Easter. 

- The news prompted outrage from PETCA... The People For The Ethical Treatment of Chocolate Animals. 

- When asked how many marshmallow chicks would be consumed, not a Peep was heard. 

*****

A new dating app pairs Colorado pot smokers with other singles who like the drug. 

- It's called I'veGotAJointButINeedAMatch.com. 

*****

Gary Dahl, the man who invented the Pet Rock has died at the age of 78. 

- So now, just like his "invention" he just lays there and doesn't do anything. 

- He was sort of like the Henry Ford of really stupid stuff. 

*****

California doctors say that folk singer Joni Mitchell, who was rushed to the hospital earlier this week, is alert and in good spirits. 

- It's the first time Joni's actually been "alert" since Woodstock. 

- Insider's say Joni claims she died for a moment but was brought back...so she can honestly say she's "Looked At Life From Both Sides Now". 

*****

A Pew poll found that 82% of people use their smartphones primarily for taking photos. 

- In related news, 42% of people use their dumb cameras to try and make calls. 

*****

On this day in 1513 Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon discovered what is now the state of Florida. 

- Ironically, Ponce was looking for the "Fountain of Youth" but he ended up finding the "Land of The Early Bird Dinner". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Marching Into April...

HEADLINES IN THE NEWS...

Hillary Clinton Stunned That World Still Thinks She's Going To Run For President Asking, "Didn't You Get My Email???"

Brangelina to adopt ISIS and "Put them in a serious Time Out".

Michelle Obama Lobbies Congress To Change Name Of Presidential Music To "Kale To The Chief". 

Bruce Jenner Has Olympic Gold Medals Melted Down; Made Into Earrings. 

Google Announces "Slow-Cooker Schnauzer Recipes" The #1 Search Term In North Korea.

Metro-Detroit Area Potholes To Be Turned Into Multi-Family Condos. 

Vladimir Putin Signs On For Next Season Of DWTS!

*****

And in the REAL News...

Just 25 days after celebrating her 117th Birthday, "The World's Oldest Person", Japan's Misao Okawa, has died. 

- Her great-grandchildren were stunned saying "We honestly didn't see that coming."

*****

Radaronline has confirmed that Bruce Jenner underwent breast implant surgery two weeks ago. He can't lift anything and has to wear a bra 24 hours a day during his recovery. 

- Bruce says he's so grateful to his plastic surgeon that his "Cups runneth over". 

*****

Amazon Prime is expanding it's one hour delivery service to Dallas, Miami and Baltimore. 

- It's for people who just can't wait overnight for that "Star Wars Action Figure" they've had their hearts set on. 

*****

Temperatures in Antarctica have reached 63 degrees fahrenheit. 

- It's so warm, the penguins have taken off their Tuxedo jackets. 

*****

The Rolling Stones announced a two-month U.S. tour that will run through Spring and Summer, including a concert here in July.

- At their ages, it's more like a "Lipi-tour". 

- Mick Jagger is reportedly demanding that his dressing room be stocked with Compression stockings and cases of Ensure.

*****

ABC announced that Ludacris and Chrissy Teigen will co-host the Billboard Music Awards in May.

- I'm going to be excited about this as soon as I find out who "Ludacris" and "Chrissy Teigen" are. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll you back here Thursday!

-Dick

The "Icing" On The Cake For "Mr. Hockey"...

Happy Birthday to the GREAT Gordie Howe! The Red Wing Legend turns 87 today...and after reportedly being near-death just 4 months ago, his son says he is doing well and looking forward to celebrating with his family in Texas. 

On a personal note, as the Captain and Founder of the "Purtan No-Stars" media hockey team back in the 70's, I had many encounters on the ice with Gordie during our weekly practice sessions, which he loved to attend after his first retirement. Since I played Goalie, I can proudly say that I once stopped one of Gordie's many shots on the net. And when you're talking Gordie Howe, one out of a hundred isn't bad! 

Happy 87th Gordie! 

*****

Woke up with snow on the ground at my house this morning. 

- So it's looks like March came in like a lamb, and went out like a Detroit Lion. 

*****

Indiana police say that a man accidentally drove off a bridge because he was following his GPS. 

- Mother's everywhere will now be saying, "Just because your GPS told you to drive off a bridge...would you do it?". 

*****

A new study claims that getting more sleep is the key to weight loss. 

- So I'm guessing Michael Moore is an insomniac. 

- The rule does not apply to people who wake up with orange Cheeto dust all over their fingers. 

*****

A video has gone viral that depicts a sequel to the Lego movie as a horror film. 

- And if you've ever stepped on a Lego in bare feet, you know just how horrifying they can be. 

*****

Hollywood insiders say that HBO's new documentary on Scientology could could topple Tom Cruise from his acting pedestal. 

- Of course at his height, it won't be a very long fall. 

*****

Jamie Foxx is being slammed on Twitter for telling jokes about Bruce Jenner at the iHeart Radio Awards. 

- Hey... It takes a lot of cajones to make fun of a guy who's decided he doesn't want his anymore. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Spartans To Go FOUR It!!!!!

Congratulations to Tom Izzo and The Spartans for making it to the Final Four after their 76-70 overtime win that toppled the Louisville Cardinals. They'll take on Duke Saturday. Game time: 6:09 pm. GO SPARTANS!!!!!

*****

For the second straight year, President Obama did not make Forbes Magazine's List of "The World's Greatest Leaders". But Taylor Swift did. She came in at #6. 

- If only Obama would have released a song called "We Are Never Ever Ever Going To Help Iran Again". 

- Kanye West threw a fit claiming "Beyonce is the Greatest World Leader of all time!"

*****

Apple CEO Tim Cook was named the World's Greatest Leader for his willingness to admit being gay. 

- And when you're worth $500 Million...that was one gigantic, well-appointed  closet he had to come out of. 

*****

A study by Beverage Digest found that Coca-Cola is the most popular soda pop in the country. 

- The findings we're disputed by one "Dr. P"  who pointed out, "I'm a Pepper, He's a Pepper, She's a Pepper, We're a Pepper..."

- The study also found that "Mountain Dew" is the pop that looks the most like a urine sample. 

*****

The USDA banned a pair of baby llamas from performing in Arizona because their owner doesn't have the proper permits. 

- The animals owner, a Miss Dolly Llama, is protesting the decision. 

*****

Willie Nelson is launching a chain of marijuana stores that will sell his personal line of edible pot. 

- Willie says the new stores represent a High point in his career.

- Matthew McConaughey already has his credit card info on file. 

*****

A jealous South African man poured super glue onto his wife's private parts because he thought she was cheating on him. 

- Sounds like "when the moment's right...she's not gonna be ready". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #154: "Date-ing Websites That Will Live In Infamy!"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #154... Today my regular Podcasting compadre Jackie (Daughter #2) and I are joined by Daughter #3, Jill at the Purtan dining room table. Topics include:

- The "Beautiful People" online dating website.

- The guy from eHarmony.com, Neil Clark Warren, and why listening to him talk makes me crazy. 

- FarmersOnly.com... the site for people who like to muck stalls and are looking' for lookin' for love with something other than sheep.  

- The remarkable things Jackie found out about her ex-husband when she read his online dating profile. (Seriously? He's an expert Scuba Diver???) 

- Our suggestion for the Public Face of elderly people...Larry King.

- Jill's son Matthew's amazing "I'm Afraid of Spider's" story. 

- My most embarrassing moment on the radio. 

- Plus, Bond. James Bond. And what makes the poster for the newest movie uniquely different from all the others. 

So tune in to Podcast #154... I guarantee if will leave you - if not shaken - at least stirred!   (38:46)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog. 

-Dick 

P.S. GO SPARTANS!!!!!

Dover Soulmates???

Membership for the online dating site "Plenty of Fish" has ballooned to 100 million users. 

- It's only 50 million, if you don't count the Married people. 

*****

"50 Shades of Grey" is coming out on DVD and Blu Ray on May 8th.

- Talk about a great Mother's Day gift!

*****

Facebook is launching a new feature called "On This Day" that shares your posts from the same day last year. 

- It's for you Historians out there. 

- Also for the people who want to know if the stuff they posted last year was just as uninteresting as the stuff they put up now. 

*****

The U.S. Army announced that they're charging former POW Bowe Bergdahl with "Desertion". 

- Meanwhile the terrorists we gave to the Taliban to get Bowe back are enjoying all-expense paid vacations at their local Jihadist's "Club Med". 

*****

Burger King stores in Japan are reportedly planning to sell Whopper scented cologne. 

- It's designed to complement their "French Fry Grease" shower gel. 

- This is great news for teenagers who want their parents to think they actually have an after school job. 

*****

A Grosse Pte. Park businessman is being investigated by the FBI for selling human body parts worldwide. 

- His wife became suspicious when after dancing with him, she realized he had two left feet. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

A Birthday Fit For A Queen!

The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin turns 73 today. 

- So hats off to Aretha. SERIOUSLY... Hats OFF! 

- Just kidding about the hat... I meant no dis-R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 

- At 73, she not only "Says a Little Prayer" but takes Lipitor too. 

*****

H.J. Heinz and Kraft Foods Group are merging in a mega-deal that will form the fifth largest food and beverage firm in the world.

- This is great news for your kids who will now have 57 varieties of Mac and Cheese to choose from! 

- Personally, I can't wait for the new "Macaroni & Ketchup". 

*****

Radaronline is reporting that Bruce Jenner will appear on next fall's season of Dancing With The Stars after completing his transgender surgery to become a woman. 

- What better place to show off his new Cha-Cha's???

*****

A Huffington Post poll found that 13% of Americans have been in an "open" relationship. 

- And a full 2% of them actually told their spouses about it. 

*****

The White House has designated former Facebook engineer David Redcorn as its new Director of Information Technology. 

- So look for a lot more Kale recipes from Michelle Obama showing up in your Facebook newsfeed! 

*****

Telemundo is running a Spanish version of the miniseries "The Bible" starting at 8pm tonight. 

- It's pretty much the same as the original, except at The Last Supper they serve Chimichangas and refried beans. 

*****

Legendary rocker David Crosby accidentally hit a jogger with his car on a California highway. 

- The most amazing part of the story is that police DON'T think drugs or alcohol were involved. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #153: "Spring Has Sprung, The Grass Ain't Riz...But Here Is Where The Podcast Is!"

Click here to download Podcast 

Welcome to the first weekend of Spring and Podcast #153! In my latest "Podisode", Jackie (daughter #2) and I welcome special guest Jessica (daughter #5) to the Purtan dining room table. Topics include: 

- The NCAA "Big Dance" & Michigan State.

- "Common Courtesy Day".

- Are parents really responsible for their kids being narcissistic when they grow up? Plus ways to prevent that from happening. 

- Some great songs written by Jimmy Webb.  

- The Schmenge Brothers on SCTV and the new CBC series "Schitt's Creek" with Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara. 

- Great movies like "Best in Show" and "Waiting for Guffman". 

-  Bad songs like "Midnight at the Oasis", "Loving You" and "Surfin' Bird". 

- Free Cone Day at DQ.

- And Starbucks' new campaign to get their baristas to talk to customers about race relations while making their coffee. (You can't make this stuff up!)

So celebrate the change of seasons by "Springing" into Podcast #153!   (33:49)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick 

"The Old And The Not So Bored!"

A new Yahoo survey found that 62% of Senior Citizens are satisfied with their sex lives. 

- The other 38% haven't figured out that you're supposed to do more than just sit in bathtubs next to each other in the backyard. 

- Great...now I can't get the image of Larry King in suspenders and boxer shorts out of my mind.

*****

Paul McCartney announced that he will induct Ringo Star into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 

- Call me crazy but shouldn't Ringo have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame years ago?? 

- Yoko Ono is not invited to the ceremony, so all she'll get is a "Photograph". 

*****

Kim Jong Un will visit Moscow to celebrate the 70th Anniversary of the Soviet Union's victory over Nazi Germany. 

- Let's hope he doesn't get any "let's go shirtless" ideas from Vladimir Putin. 

*****

The Secret Service asked Congress for $8 Million to build a replica of the White House where they can train new agents. 

- They say it will be an exact replica with an Oval Office, a West Wing and no lock on the front door. 

*****

Mitt Romney is scheduled to take on Evander Holyfield in a Boxing match to raise money for charity in May. 

- Mitt's invitation to Evander read, "Friend, Countrymen, Lend Me What's Left Of Your Ear."

*****

Kanye West posted naked photos of his wife Kim Kardashian on Twitter. 

- In other Breaking News...the sun came up this morning. 

*****

Prince Harry announced that after ten years of service, he's leaving the British Army. 

- He's going to join the German Army because he likes their uniforms better.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow! 

-Dick  

"The Donald"..."The President"???

Donald Trump announced this morning that he is forming a Presidential  exploratory committee saying "I am the only one who can make America truly great again." 

- He then went to breakfast and said, "Leggo My Ego". 

- If he ends up running, he won't have a Vice President, he'll have a "White House Apprentice". 

*****

The head of Starbucks is being mocked all over social media after instructing employees to write "RaceTogether" on it's paper cups and talk about race relations with customers while making their coffee. 

- I have a feeling those customers will be "Racing" over to Tim Horton's for their morning cup of joe.  

- The CEO got the idea when he overheard a customer saying he'd like his coffee "Black". 

*****

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles arrived in the US last night for a four day visit, including a dinner with the Obamas. 

- In keeping with tradition, they'll serve Fish 'n Chips for Charlies and Oats for Camilla. 

*****

TMZ reports that Kris Jenner is no longer speaking to Bruce Jenner. 

- Which is odd...usually you get two women on the phone and they can talk forever! 

*****

Kraft has recalled 6.5 million boxes of their Macaroni 'n Cheese because they might contain small fragments of metal. 

- Apparently it was an idea to get more Iron in kids diets that went terribly awry. 

*****

A poll by the University of Michigan found that 67% of parents share parenting tips on social media. 

- And 99% of Grandmothers talk about everything those parents are doing WRONG raising their grandchildren. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

It's St. Patty's Day...And That's No Blarney!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

- Or as the Irish call it: "March Madness Without The Brackets". 

*****

Both Bruce Willis and Demi Moore were on hand to watch their daughter Rumer take the top spot on the 10th Anniversary opening night of Dancing With The Stars. The show debuted in 2005. 

- Interestingly enough, that was the very same year Demi's latest boyfriend was born. 

*****

The man who shot two cops in Ferguson, Missouri told the FBI that he was aiming for someone else in the crowd.

- Apparently he not only has bad aim, but a really bad defense strategy.

*****

An ISIS spokesman said the terrorist group wants to destroy Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, and the White House. 

- These days everybody's got a "Bucket List". 

*****

A Northwestern University study found that teenage boys who smoke marijuana are hurting their long term memory. 

- The study also found that those teenage boys are like...so like...totally...okay with that... dude. 

*****

A Brigham Young University study found that Lonely people die younger. 

- So Taylor Swift is either going to be gone by 30 or live to be 100 depending on how her dating life turns out.  

*****

Heather Mills says that her ex, Paul McCartney, has no choice but to record songs with Kanye West because Paul is "no longer relevant". 

- In a related story, Heather Mills made this comment about her ex Paul McCartney, in order to get in the news, because she is "no longer relevant". 

*****

Elton John is calling for a boycott of Dolce & Gabbana because, although they're gay themselves, the designers made disparaging comments about gay parents. 

- Not to say I'm out of the fashion loop, but I thought Dolce & Gabbana was a morning radio team in Italy. 

*****

Pete Rose has submitted an application to be reinstated to Major League Baseball. 

- No word on how they'll rule, but If I were a bettin' man...

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

"Baby, It's WARM Outside!"

We may be 4 days away from the "official" arrival of Spring... but today's temp is expected to be near 70 degrees! 

- On the downside... "Speedo Season" has officially begun. 

*****

South African doctors have successfully performed the world's first penis transplant on a 21-year-old man. 

- They say the man who donated his "manhood" is a real stand up guy... Well, he USED to be.

- The clinical name for the procedure is "A Reverse Bobbitt". 

*****

A report claims that the Obama administration leaked Hillary Clinton's email scandal story to the press to sabotage her Presidential campaign. 

- The President immediately denied it, claiming he knew nothing about the scandal until he saw it on the news. 

*****

A Nebraska woman was arrested for calling in a bomb threat to Time Warner Cable. 

- She said the soonest she could schedule the bomb to go off was next Thursday, between Noon and 5pm. 

*****

A lawsuit claims that Seattle bus drivers were forced to wear diapers because the city failed to allow them access to public restrooms. 

- On the bright side, they've got the most Depend-able bus system in the country. 

- Why don't they just "go" on the bus like some of the passengers do? 

*****

Pamela Anderson has been granted a restraining order against her ex-husband. 

- She needed the extra protection because if he comes near her, she's only able to run in slow motion. 

*****

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: It's FREE CONE DAY at Dairy Queen! As a celebration of their 75th "Fanniversary" DQ is handing out free small vanilla cones all day today, but there is a catch: The offer is limited to one per customer, per location. 

- I can only imagine how many miles Michael Moore is gonna put on his car today. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick