"The Lions King" Of Monday Night Football!

Matthew Stafford and the Lions trounced the New York Giants 35-14 in front of a National Audience last night in their first game under new coach Jim Caldwell. As they say in Showbiz... "This Could Be The Start Of Something Big!" - or not. Let's hope!

And to make it a perfect night downtown, the Tigers beat the K.C. Royals 9-5. If the Tigs win today, they'll be just one game behind Kansas City for 1st place. 

Go Lions! Go Tigers! Go Detroit! 

*****

Channel 7 Meteorologist Dave Rexroth was back on the air yesterday after the 4th of July fireworks accident that took his left eye. Congratulations Dave! It's great to have you back! Now if you could just do something about these storms...

*****

Apple will unveil it's "next big things" later today.  The show-stopper will allegedly be the new iPhone 6 with a much larger screen. Soon to follow will be a software update that will allow you to start your coffee maker from your phone. 

- It's called the iCaf... or in my case, the iDecaf.

- To think Juan Valdez spends all that time on a donkey harvesting the beans, and Americans are too lazy to get off the couch and push a button. 

*****

The Olive Garden announced their new "7-Week Unlimited Pasta Pass" for $100. People who buy the pass online can eat all the pasta and breadsticks they want, as many times as they'd like. 

- The company will be changing their slogan from "When You're Here...You're Family" to "When You're Here...You're Fat". 

*****

Iranian officials say the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei recently had a routine prostate procedure. 

- The bad news is Doctors say they expect a full recovery. 

*****

Fran Drescher, of "The Nanny" fame revealed that she married Shiva Ayyaduari, the inventor e-mail. 

- Lois Lerner was invited to the nuptials but said she lost the email invite. 

- Shiva actually invented the email as a way to communicate with Fran without having to hear her speak. 

*****

According to a study by the National Center for Education Statistics, the number of homeschooled students has spiked by 25%. 

- It's not that the kids like being taught by their parents, they just want to be able to eat Hot Dogs and Doritos for lunch. 

- On the downside, it's a lot harder to make your Mom believe the dog ate your homework if you don't have a dog. 

- On the bright side, homeschooled girls are a shoe-in for Homecoming Queen. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Big 10 Falls...Tigers Hopefully Rise!

A bad weekend for Michigan and Michigan State in College Football...as well as the entire Big 10 Conference. 

The Tigers begin a 3-game series against the K.C. Royals downtown tonight, trailing the 1st place Royals by 2 games. 

*****

Joan Rivers received a star-studded, red carpet funeral on Sunday...including a eulogy by Howard Stern and musical performances by broadway stars Audra MacDonald and Hugh Jackman. 

- Those who attended the viewing said, "She looks so Un-lifelike...just like in real life." (Sorry...but she did have a lot of plastic surgery). 

- Out of respect, no one critiqued the outfit she was buried in. 

*****

President Obama will make a speech on Wednesday to reveal America's plans for attacking ISIS. 

- He was going to announce his plans tonight, but he hasn't come up with anything yet. 

- Holding off until Wednesday will give ISIS plenty of time to put on their "JV Jihad" Jerseys and set their DVR's so they can watch our game plan over and over. 

*****

An IRS spokesman said the agency has lost emails from five more workers who are under investigation. 

- How come the IRS can find paperwork that they say shows you owe an extra grand in taxes, but they find can't find a few of their own emails? 

- All we have to do is tell Kate Upton's photo hackers that the emails contain nude pix of Lois Lerner and we'll have them in no time. 

*****

After weeks of speculation it's official: Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their second royal bundle of joy. The new baby will be fourth in line to the throne, bumping Prince Harry down to #5. 

- Just like the last time, Kate is suffering from severe morning sickness and Harry is suffering from a severe hangover. 

*****

On Saturday, the city of Toronto held a "Bill Murray Day" complete with wacky outfits and a pub crawl. 

- By the end of the pub crawl, 95% of the participants mimicked Bill's line from Caddyshack and "had achieved total Un-consiousness...So they've got that going for 'em. Which is nice." 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick  

Purtan Podcast #135: "A Towel, A Bar Of Soap, & A Sheep"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #135! Back by popular demand - for the second week in a row - former "Purtan's Person" Tom DeLisle joins us at the Purtan dining room table for some More-Than-A-Brush-With-Celebrity stories including:

- Tom "comes clean" about the time he stole JFK's monogramed bath towel while staying in the bedroom next to Rose Kennedy at the family's Hyannisport Compound. 

- My unexpected dinner with Henry Fonda.

- The brilliance of Gene Wilder and the hysterical scene in a Woody Allen film involving Gene, a bed, a sheep and a bottle of Woolite. 

- How in real life, the great Mr. Wilder used to go out into a field, lay down and do absolutely nothing for hours at a time. 

- And what was my Doctor thinking when he told me to put a bar of Ivory soap in my bed every night for two months?

So don't be "Sheepish"...join us for Podcast #135!  (33:56)

Have a great weekend and I'll see back here Monday with my regular blog!  

-Dick

Kwame Just Gets More & More Appealing!

He's back! Yesterday Kwame Kilpatrick asked a federal appeals court to vacate his conviction and order a new trial...saying some of the testimony that landed him in the Slammer for 28 years was "unfair". 

- You know...the testimony that got him convicted. 

- Kwame's attorney said the former mayor is excited about the appeal...and his upcoming role in the Prison's Fall Musical:  "Guys & Guys-Dressed-Up-As-Dolls". 

*****

Home Depot says the financial data of their customers may have been hacked and put up for sale online. 

- This is the most notorious Do-It-Yourselfer story since Pee Wee Herman was arrested in a movie theater. 

*****

DWTS announced it's "Celeb" line-up for Season 19 this morning and it includes none other than Tommy Chong of "Cheech and Chong" fame. 

- Apparently they were looking for someone who would bring in really "high" ratings. 

- Producers are trying to capture that all important "Potheads who love ballroom dancing" audience. 

*****

The Russian Space Agency reported that the five geckos they sent into orbit for a sex experiment have all died. 

- Studying Weightless Gecko Sex? I guess we know how Vladimir Putin likes to unwind after a day of attempted world domination.

*****

A Russian man dressed as Mickey Mouse was caught on camera beating up a motorist in a road rage attack. 

- He must have been really cheesed off. 

- Luckily he wasn't wearing a Donald Duck suit or he would have been arrested for indecent exposure. 

*****

Justin Verlander was rocked by the Cleveland Indians last night giving up 7 runs. 

- Gee...ya think his mind was on something else? 

- On the bright side, he still got to go home with Kate Upton. 

******

CVS pulled tobacco from all 7,700 of its stores in an effort to promote healthier choices for their customers. 

- To ease shoppers into the health conscious move, they're now selling two kinds of Fritos: Regular and Menthol. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast - #135!

-Dick 

Forget The Fridge...Put Your Kids Artwork On Your Wedding Dress!

Angelina Jolie's wedding dress from her surprise wedding to Brad Pitt was a tad unusual. The mother of six had artwork made by her kids sewn onto the train and veil of her $20,000-plus designer gown. 

- What screams "Bride" more than a magic marker rendition of Mickey Mouse's ears covering your butt? 

*****

Kate Upton, who's semi-naked selfies with boyfriend Justin Verlander were leaked on the Internet, is considering suing Apple - since many believe their "iCloud" storage system was the source of the hacking.

- Have we come a long way from getting drunk and Xeroxing your butt at the office holiday party or what? 

*****

A study by the National Consumers League found that cell phone companies have begun marketing to children as young as five. 

- Soon kindergarteners everywhere will be watching "SpongeBob SquarePants" on TV...and looking at pix of "SpongeBob NoPants" on their smartphones. 

*****

Officials in Colorado say the legalization of marijuana sales brought in $21 Million tax dollars LESS than the $33 Million they'd predicted. 

- Of course the numbers could be off since the guys who counted the cash were high as a kite at the time. 

- Apparently people are buying tax-free pot on the streets...just like they did before it was legalized. 

- Accountants know exactly which dollars came from pot sales...it's the bills covered with orange Cheeto's dust. 

*****

A Spanish teenager was electrocuted after peeing on a lamppost at an outdoor music festival. 

- Kinda makes ya miss the good old days at Pine Knob when the worst that could happen was when somebody sitting next to you on The Hill threw up on your shoes.

- On the bright side, if it had been a Rap concert, he would have been electrocuted AND shot. 

*****

A Louisiana newscaster was shot dead by his son-in-law, who was also believed to be his lover.

- The shooting is sad...but you've gotta admit it's gonna make Thanksgiving dinner a lot less awkward. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie & Selfies!

Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander and his girlfriend Kate Upton have been caught up, along with Jennifer Lawrence, in the "Nude Celebrity Photo Hacking Scandal" that has rocked the country.  Several "selfies" of the couple, in various states of undress have made their way onto the internet.

- After seeing the photos, every pitcher in the Major Leagues wants to be Justin's reliever. 

*****

It's "Back to School Day" 2014!

- Or as kids call it: "The worst day of my life". 

- Or as their parents call it: "The best day of my life". 

- Or as teachers call it: "Why didn't I become a Doctor instead of a Teacher? Day" 

*****

Joe Biden kicked off the Detroit Labor Day Parade yesterday. 

- Who better to speak about hard work than somebody whose job description reads: "Put on a suit and do nothing". 

*****

On this day, September 2nd, in 1945, Japan formally surrendered to the U.S. and ended World War II. 

- And we all live happily ever after. No wait...

- If you've ever been served bad sushi, you know they're not completely over it. 

*****

A new study claims that being skinny improves brain function. 

- Which explains why so many supermodels have received Nobel Peace Prizes over the years. 

*****

A new al Qaeda manual is calling for a preemptive jihad against the United States.

- Luckily, like most guys, terrorists never read the manual.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! And don't forget to check out my latest Podcast (#134) with special guest, former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle! Just click here to download.  

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #134: "Tom (Delisle) & Thumbs"

Click here to download Podcast 

Welcome to Labor Day Weekend, the last gasp of summer vacation, and Podcast #134. Today, Jackie and I welcome special guest and former "Purtan's Person" Tom Delisle to the dining room table. Topics include: 

- Who was the largest selling musical act in the world that filled the gap after Elvis and before the Beatles? 

- Tom's job as emcee of that group's "Fan Fantasy Camp" every year. 

- How Tom wrote the pilot for the short-lived "Tony Orlando Variety Show" - but couldn't stand talking to Tony and why. 

- The Emmy I won...and what I won if for.

- How one year later, the "Dick Purtan Comedy Hour" won an Emmy and how the committee came up one Statuette short because of something I did.  

- My dread as we began shooting my TV Special because I thought it would be the end of my career in Television...and Radio!

- How a fistfight led me to take over the morning show a few weeks earlier than I was supposed to. 

- Jackie's new plan to ditch her reading glasses by wearing one contact lens.  

- And the "Purtan Family Secret" about a certain body part that explains why Jackie has been in "thumb therapy" for years... and which of my other daughters has two completely different thumbs - one from each side of the family. 

So have a great Holiday Weekend and give Podcast #134 a listen...Hopefully you'll give it "Two Thumbs Up"!   (45:33) 

-Dick

PS...See you back here Tuesday!

"Mr. & Mrs. Smith" Now Officially "Mr. & Mrs."

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally tied the knot at their French Chateau on Saturday. They've been together since 2005.

- They've already received tons of wedding gifts including China, Silverware, and 147 children. 

*****

In other Nuptial News...68-year-old Neil Young is divorcing his wife of 36 years. 

- Apparently he's not so into Judy's Blue Eyes now that they've got cataracts. 

- There's also rumors of a reunion tour of "Crosby, Stills, Nash & Not-So-Young". 

*****

Time Magazine is publishing a new book called "The Animal Mind" that claims parrots are much smarter than we thought. 

- Of course they got the info from a Parrot, so take it for what's it worth. 

- Turns out Polly not only wants a cracker, but wants some duck liver pate and a nice Merlot to go along with it. 

*****

According to a Pew Research Survey one-third of Mexicans would move to the U.S. if given the chance. 

- Personally I thought they already had. 

*****

A study by UCLA found that smartphones are eroding students' social skills. 

- For instance, kids these days don't know how to ask a girl nicely if they can take naked photos of her to show their friends, they just take them while she's not looking. 

*****

An 83-year-old federal judge had to watch the porn classic, Deep Throat, for a copyright trial. 

- He said, "Hard core pornography is hard to define...but I'll know it when I see it. And I got to see it!!!"

- When the judge's wife objected to him watching the film, he said two words: "Over Ruled!"

*****

Sources say that Bravo host Andy Cohen was spotted at a "gentleman's underwear party" in New York. That's a party strictly for guys who show up wearing nothing but...yup...their underwear. 

- Apparently, Andy is quite the Thong & Dance man. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast!  (#134)

-Dick

50 Years Ago Today..."A Great Day's Night!"

50 years ago today, I, along with four of my fellow WSAI jocks, brought the Beatles to Cincinnati. We each kicked in $2500 -- and we had the Beatles! That's all it took. If you're wondering who the guy is standing behind John Lennon...that's a somewhat pudgy me sans glasses and mustache. Our profit that night? $2200 a piece. The music was great...especially the 13,500 plus screaming teenage "back up singers"!

*****

A just divorced Florida couple posted a "Divorce Selfie" of themselves on Facebook, holding up their divorce decree and beaming with happiness. They claim they want the world to know they plan on remaining good friends. 

- This explains the existence of the "It's Complicated" relationship status button that people can click on Facebook. 

- They're registered at "We No Longer Share A Bed, Bath & Beyond". 

*****

A Pew poll found that friends who talk about politics on Facebook are less likely to talk about them in person. 

- That's because they've never actually MET any of their Facebook friends in person. 

*****

Doctors say that most people find marijuana to be a better pain killer than pills like Vicodin and Oxycontin. 

- It's especially effective on Joint pain. 

- So kids, don't be stingy! Share your stash with Grandma! 

*****

Police have confirmed that the six gun shots that wounded rapper Suge Knight at a pre-MTV Music Awards party were actually meant for Chris Brown. 

- Chris is going to turn the incident into a "Hit" song. 

- Who knew the gangster thugs who did the shooting would actually live long enough to have vision problems? 

*****

A study by Georgia Southern University found that most parents who have obese children don't think their kids are overweight. 

- In their defense, it's hard to get a good look at your kid when he's sitting in the backseat eating a Double Cheeseburger and a Butterfinger Blizzard from Dairy Queen. 

- The study has led to a remake of the classic song, "She Ain't Heavy...She's My Daughter". 

*****

Leonardo DiCaprio donated $100,000 when he took the "Ice Bucket Challenge" for ALS.  

- Let's hope it works out better than the "IceBerg Challenge" did for the Titanic. 

*****

An 8-foot 4-inch man from Ukraine, believed to be the World's Tallest Man, has died at the age of 44. 

- Funeral arrangements are on hold as his family is still waiting for the "Costco Casket-Extender" to be delivered. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

Obamacare Now Pays For "Change You Can Believe In"...

Obamacare announced they now cover transgender sexual reassignment surgery for men who want to become women and vice versa.  

- But President Obama was quick to point out "If you like the Penis you were born with...you can keep the Penis you were born with". 

- Let me get this straight...Boob jobs are now covered for men, but not for women?

*****

Last night's Emmy Awards went off without a hitch...or a gunshot...which is saying a lot for an Awards show these days!

- The big winner was "Breaking Bad," which of course chronicles the career of Justin Bieber. 

*****

Burger King has confirmed that's it's buying Canadian based donut and coffee giant Tim Horton's. 

- Their new slogan will be "Special Orders Don't Upset Us...All We Ask Is That You Let Us Serve It Your Way, Eh?"

- McDonald's had considered buying Tim Horton's as well, but thought selling "McNuggets" and "Timbits" at the same place sounded too racy. 

*****

Scientists at Binghamton University say the average IQ score is decreasing because we've hit our intellectual peak. 

- The say the decline coincided with the airing of the first episode of "Honey Boo Boo". 

*****

Starbucks will begin testing mobile coffee stores on college campuses this fall. 

- They'll accept Visa, Mastercard and Job Applications from seniors who are still looking for a job they're qualified for. 

- But where are they gonna sit and wait to get hit-on while pretending to study on their laptops? 

*****

Tiger Woods has parted ways with his swing coach of the past four years. 

- Apparently Tiger is going to give up on his swing and go back to working overtime with his putter. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

Obama & Putin Give Each Other Lip Service???

Today is "National Kiss & Make-Up Day". 

- Let's hope Vladimir Putin wears a shirt, or things between he and Obama could get out of hand. 

*****

California's wine country was rocked by a massive 6.1 Earthquake early Sunday morning. 

- The wine will now be used in Martini's since it's already been "Shaken...not stirred". 

*****

A Florida mom was arrested for giving her daughter Tapeworms so she'd lose weight for a beauty pageant. 

- Apparently that new Jenny Craig "Tapeworm Tortellini" is more popular than I thought. 

*****

A Homeland Security spokesman says Al Qaeda is encouraging jihadists to target Las Vegas. 

- This will give jihadists a chance to hone their romantic "techniques" on hookers so they'll really know how to make those 72 virgins happy. 

- Our government is hoping that David Copperfield can make them disappear before they do any damage. 

*****

A Swedish study say people have a higher probability of dying on payday. 

- Especially if they're held up at gunpoint after leaving the bank. 

***** 

Lindsay Lohan is said to be dating a London investment banker. 

- Apparently he's a whiz with Stocks & (sometimes) Blonds. 

- The couple is said to be "over the moon"...either that or Lindsay mooned the paparazzi, I'm not sure. 

*****

Lauren Bacall left $10,000 in her Will for her dog. 

- The dog was so happy he dragged his but across the carpet and then ran around in circles for an hour and a half. 

*****

A cast member on Playboy's "Dating Naked" is suing producers because they failed to blur out her private parts during a recent episode. 

- Right now, thousands of men are calling Netflix to order that episode. 

*****

President Obama is sending three White House officials to the Missouri funeral of Michael Brown. 

- They will be non-essential government personnel including a Congressman, a Senator, and Joe Biden. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Purtan Podcast #133: "Tootsie Rolls, World Wars, & Mr. Potato Head"

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and Podcast #133! This time around, I sit down with my daughter and partner in Podcasting crime, Jackie, for a verbal buffet of topics. Among today's specials: 

- The passing of restauranteur John Genitti of "Genitti's Hole-in-the-Wall" in Northville, who was not only a great guy, but threw a party "for everyone" at his house each Friday night. 

- Jackie running into Chuck Gaidica who just left TV Meteorology for the Ministry and how his career change affected her. 

- Are Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head actually cannibals?

- The 100th anniversary of WWI and how it led to WWII.

- The frightening seriousness of the ISIS situation in the middle east. 

- A "Best Of" cut from my radio show: Big Al as the Port-a-Potty maitre d at the Woodward Dream Cruise. 

- How I scored two foot-long Tootsie Rolls for just one dollar. 

- And how large formal weddings lead to happier marriages... with one notable family exception. 

So as August winds down, gear up  for an almost-end-of-the-summer-around-the-world-and-back-discussion-of-just-about-everything in Podcast #133.  (32:55)

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here Monday with my regular blog!

-Dick 

Big Wedding? Big Whoop!

A study by the University of Virginia found that having a large, formal wedding leads to a happier marriage. 

- Try telling that to Jackie Purtan!!!

*****

President Obama vowed to be "relentless" against ISIS jihadists. 

- He then had lunch in the grill and bought a new set of clubs. 

*****

Elizabeth Arden stock plummeted 28% due to a drop in sales for Justin Bieber's cologne. 

- So Elizabeth dropped the Bieber fragrance and will soon launch the "Scent of Charlie Sheen". (It's preferred by 2 out of 2 Hookers). 

*****

McDonald's announced plans to sell it's ground coffee for customers to brew at home. 

- So now you'll be able to stay at home and ask yourself if you want fries with that. 

*****

A survey shows that residents of Tokyo, Japan get less sleep that any other city in the world.  

- The survey was conducted by calling people during the middle of the night. 

- The results are being disputed by the residents of Ferguson, Missouri. 

*****

The Reverend Al Sharpton has announced a protest march against the New York City Police.

- Wow. When does this guy have time to agitate crowds in all those other cities???  

- Seems like only yesterday he was upsetting things in Missouri...because he was! 

*****

Iceland's Bardarbunda Volcano could disrupt air travel between North America and Europe if it erupts. 

- I thought "Bardarbunga" was Bart Simpson's catchphrase.  (who borrowed it from Howdy Doody). 

*****

Pope Francis announced plans to visit New York City. 

- He can't wait to get a hot dog from a street vendor while driving by in his Pope Mobile. 

- He'd better not set his hat on the ground or people might mistake it for another sky scraper. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast! (#133).

-Dick 

Hung Over The Moon With New Wife!

Former American Idol contestant William Hung got married in June, but kept it a secret until now. 

- He's good at keeping secrets...for instance he's kept his singing talent hidden to this very day. 

- Insert your own "She Bangs" joke here. 

*****

General Motors announced that the new Corvette will have a camera that records every move a driver makes. 

- So now guys can have their whole mid-life crisis on video. 

*****

A restaurant in China is using robots to cook food. 

- If this catches on over there, it could put millions of children out of a job. 

*****

Sweden is celebrating 200 years without being in any Wars. 

- They're also celebrating 200 years of exporting hot blonds and Swedish fish. 

*****

Taylor Swift announced that she'll be releasing a pop-album later this year called "1989". 

- It's either named after the year she was born or the number of boyfriends she's had. 

*****

The NFL is asking artists who perform at the Super Bowl to split their record sale revenue with the league. 

- This seems unfair...personally I think some of the acts should pay US for having to watch their half-time show. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-AFFLECK!

Ben Affleck, who's in town filming the new Batman movie, crashed a kid's Birthday party in Southfield. 

- He didn't mean to crash it, but apparently he forgot to take the Batmobile in when GM recalled it for brake issues. 

*****

Pope Francis said that God will give him "another 2 or 3 good years". 

- That kind of "inside info" can only come from one person...Edward Snowden. 

*****

Burger King is bringing back it's "Chicken French Fries" staring next week. 

- If you don't know what a Chicken French Fry is, just picture a McNugget's really tall and skinny brother. 

- They're designed for people who just don't have the energy to pick up a regular fried chicken sandwich. 

*****

Kid Rock announced that he's going to be a Grandpa. 

- So coming soon...Grand Kid Rock!

*****

Music insiders say Paul McCartney is recording a secret album with Kanye West. 

- I hope they keep it so secret that it's never released. 

- The first single is said to be a remake entitled: "Kim's Long and Widening Butt". 

- Thing's have come full circle for Paul: John Lennon said the Beatles were more popular than Jesus and Kayne thinks he IS Jesus. 

*****

On this date in 1698 Russian czar "Peter the Great" took the throne. 

- Apparently his wife wasn't impressed...she referred to him as "Peter the Average". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

The 20th Annual WDC Cruises Into The History Books...

Well the 20th Annual Woodward Dream Cruise has come and gone...and of them, I participated in 14. We'd do the show on the radio in the morning from a tower on Woodward, then at night I joined my daughter JoAnne on Channel 7 for the television broadcast. 

I'll never forget Emceeing a wedding (if you can emcee a weeding) on one of the telecasts with Doc and Big Al serving as the groomsmen for the happy couple. After the ceremony, a fight broke out backstage among the two families. 

Aside from throwing my shoulder out from too much waving one year, (I now wave like the Queen) and inhaling more carbon monoxide from the old classic cars than I needed, it was always a good time! 

*****

New reports say that Hillary Clinton did NOT "hug it out" with Barack Obama in Martha's Vineyard as was first reported.

- Those same reports confirm that Bill did indeed try to "kiss it out" with half of the catering staff. 

*****

The CEO of the Girl Scouts is under fire for taking an $83,000 bonus despite massive budget cuts. 

- Hey...That's how the cookie crumbles. 

- She's planning on using the cash to take a trip to Samoa. 

*****

Researchers at Virginia Tech University found that various plant species communicate by releasing chemical signals into the air. 

- So do the members of most College fraternities. 

*****

Two competitors in the World Chess Olympiad in Norway died within hours of each other - one during the middle of a match. 

- Instead of ending the match, officials just sent it into "Sudden Death Overtime". 

- Fans in attendance described it as God's way of saying "Check Mate". 

- This is why I stick to BINGO. This kind of stuff never happens during the World Bingo Olympiads. 

*****

Kenya is refusing to let in any vacationers traveling from Ebola-hit nations. 

- And so goes my annual "Labor Day Weekend In Kenya".

- This is going to have a dramatic effect on Kenya's usually booming "Tar-Paper-Huts-Tours" industry. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #132: Are Men Too Dumb To Date Smart Women?

Click here to download Podcast

Welcome to the weekend and a brand new Podcast - #132. Today I'm joined by daughters #1 & #2 (Jennifer and Jackie) for another go-around at the Purtan dining room table. On today's menu: 

- Are men actually "intimidated" when they date "smart" women...and do women have to dumb themselves down for things to go anywhere? 

- My College Alma Mater being named the #1 Party School in America...and my non-drinking days while I was there. 

- Bill Clinton's statement on September 10th, 2001 - saying that he could have killed Osama Bin Laden TEN times...but decided not to. 

- Law & Order: SVU's Mariska Hargitay: Strange name. Fabulous Actress. 

- How the 1.2 Billion usernames, passwords, and email addresses stolen by the Russians led to an unusual "Friend Request" I got on Facebook. 

- And the mystery of the horse that Maid Marion rode in the famous Errol Flynn movie "Robin Hood". 

So pour yourself something cold, put it in the microwave on high since it feels like October out - and take sip of Podcast #132!   (35:58) 

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here on Monday with my usual blog! 

-Dick 

Koko Goes Loco After Death Of Favorite Comedian...

Koko, the gorilla famous for her ability to communicate with sign language, told trainers that she is "crying" over Robin Williams death. 

- She then peeled a banana in his honor. 

*****

Hillary called the President to apologize for publicly criticizing his foreign policy.  

- Meanwhile Bill called the President to ask him for one of his intern's phone numbers. 

*****

The founder of "Spanx" ladies undergarments sold her NYC apartment for $30 Million. 

- The apartment is actually a lot bigger than it looks. 

- She wanted to unload it before the real estate bubble burst...just like the women do when they take off their Spanx. 

*****

Former NY Congressman Anthony Weiner is opening a restaurant. 

- I thought in New York City they sold hot dogs out of carts?

- It's a German-themed restaurant called "Weiner's Schnitzel".

*****

A 25 year old California woman filed paperwork so she can marry Charles Manson. 

- I hope she remembers that "When you marry the guy...you marry his Family". 

- They just got engaged so the wedding plans are a bit Helter-Skelter right now.  

*****

A study by the National Academy of Sciences found that surprises play a major role in a person's happiness. 

- Except in people over 90 where surprises play a major role in cardiac arrest. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast (#132)!

-Dick 

RIP...Lauren Bacall 1924-2014

Legendary smokey-voiced actress Lauren Bacall died Monday. She was famously married to Humphrey Bogart after they met on the set of the movie "To Have and Have Not", and later, after Bogart's death to Jason Robards Jr. During her marriage to Bogart she served as "Den Mother" to the original Hollywood Rat Pack which included Bogart, Frank Sinatra, David Niven, Judy Garland & others. 

Another one of her big hits was when she co-starred with Marilyn Monroe and Betty Grable in "How To Marry A Millionaire". In another "Detroit Connection"...Gail and I had dinner with Betty's Daughter Victoria who lives here in Metro Detroit a few months ago.) 

Bacall was 89. 

******

An Indiana University study found that Mississippi is the most corrupt state in the country. 

- Washington D.C. was the hands down winner until researchers realized it wasn't a state. 

*****

Miley Cyrus adopted a baby piglet called "Bubba Sue". 

- When it dies she's going to have it made into the world's first "Twerky Jerky". 

******

Rory McIlroy told ESPN that breaking up with Caroline Wozniak is the main reason he's won three straight PGA tournaments and that being single has left him more time to focus on his game. 

- Yeah, but think about all those fabulous trips to Bed Bath & Beyond he's missing out on!

- It's the exact opposite of Tiger Woods who proved that having a wife and ten girlfriends can really bring your game down. 

*****

NBC is allegedly replacing David Gregory on Meet The Press because of low ratings. 

- He's already been picked up by ABC where he'll appear in next season's "Dancing With The Former News Stars". 

- Fans of Gregory are blaming the move on Jay Leno. 

*****

A 45 year old British woman has a rare condition in which she collapses to the ground whenever she has the big "O". 

- It's really not that bad unless it happens while she's standing in the middle of a busy intersection. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick 

RIP... Robin Williams 1951-2014

He grew up in Bloomfield Hills. He roomed with a family while attending Detroit Country Day School, and is now gone much too early at the age of 63. Robin Williams ended his life by asphyxiation in his home in Marin County, California Monday morning.  

The tragic end of the comic genius came after a long battle with both addiction and depression. 

His connection with Detroit is strong, in that he co-starred with Pam Dawber, who is from Farmington Hills, in the hit show "Mork & Mindy". Pam has been married for decades to Mark Harmon (of "NCIS") - son of famed Michigan football player Tom Harmon. 

Robin's humor was both brilliant and astoundingly quick off-the-cuff - in the style of his hero and mentor Jonathan Winters who died last year at the age of 87. 

Williams worked in almost every medium imaginable...stand-up, television, stage, and the movies earning him an Emmy, a Grammy and an Oscar. 

He will be greatly missed!  Below you'll find a clip of his first appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. It runs just under 2 minutes and is more than worth watching. 

 "You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

- Robin Williams