Lexus has unveiled a car with an on-board device that anticipates road danger.
- It’s called the “Lindsay Lohan Locator”.
On this day in 1958 14-year-old Bobby Fisher made headlines when the Brooklyn teenager won his first U.S. Chess Championship.
- He was touted as a genius around the world but still considered a “loser” by his school classmates for belonging to the Chess Club.
Also on this day in 1984 the United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations after 117 years.
- Before that, the US could only commincate with the Pope by reading the white smoke signals that came out of the Sistine Chapel.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here with an all-new Podcast on Friday!
-Dick
In an interview, weatherman Al Roker admited that after having gastric bypass surgery in 2002 he pooped his pants at the White House.
- That hadn’t happened to a guy in the White House since Hillary walked in on Bill and Monica.
- Roker described it as an “Unexpected high presure front”… or in this case, back.
Ticketmaster accidentally sold tickets to Obama’s inauguration a day too early.
- Which actually saved Nancy Pelosi some time…She’s been sitting at her computer ready to hit “Buy” since election day.
A new app is available that turns your smartphone into a key.
- If your phone is so “smart”, how come it needs an app to do that?
- How are you supposed to talk on the phone while you drive, if its stuck in the ignition?
There’s now a cats-only online Social Network.
- And everypost is the same…”I’m lying on the back of the couch doing nothing”.
- It’s already filled with pictures of “Adorable people”.
According to a new PPP survey, Congress is less popular with Americans than root canals, head lice, traffic jams, used car salesmen, cockroaches and colonoscopies.
- At least with colonscopies they knock you out before they rip you a new one.
On the plus side, Congress is still more popular than the Kardashians, Lindsay Lohan and Gonorrhea.
- The Kardashians, Linsday Lohan and Gonorrhea…isn’t that kind of redundant.
Arnold Schwarzenegger says that movies do not inspire violence.
- However movies about a wife finding out that her famous husband fathered a child with the family housekeeper, does.
On this day in 1929 the Seeing Eye Institute officiall opened its first day of dog training classes in Nashville, Tennessee.
- They were going to use Seeing Eye Cats, but the cats refused to get off the couch.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
A new trend called The 8 Hour Diet claims you can lose weight by eating whatever you want, but within an eight hour period.
- This sounds great! Especially if you can spread the eight hours out over the course of the day!
- They got the idea after Chris Christie’s 24 Hour Diet didn’t work out so well.
TLC is premiering a new reality show called “Best Funeral Ever”.
- People are dying to get a part on the show.
- It’s already spawned several spin-offs including “The Really Dead Housewives of Atlanta” and “Pimp My Casket”.
The annual American Freshman Survey found that more of today’s college students than ever believe they’re above average, even though tests rank them the same or below previous generations.
- Their math skills are so bad they actually think they’re going to make a decent living when they graduate!
- Most of those surveyed thought “Trigonometry” was one of Sarah Palin’s kids.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West preportedly turned down $3 million from a foreign tabloid for the first photo of their as yet unborn baby.
- However, they did accept a cool mil for a tape they made of the baby’s conception.
David Letterman told Oprah that he sees a psychiatrist once a week.
- But in a reversal, he makes the doctor sit on the couch and answer his questions.
- Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien see the same shrink, but they keep fighting over the time slot.
A man from Pontiac was arrested after he returned to eat dinner at the same McDonald’s he allegedly robbed three months ago.
- Why did he do this? Two words: The McRib.
- He would have robbed a Burger King but apparently “Special Orders at Gunpoint” DO upset them.
On this day in 1910 the world’s youngest parents gave birth to a baby. They were Mr. and Mrs. Hsi of China. The mother was 8 and the father was 9.
- And they were still better parents than Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are gonna be.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
After 63 years, Volkswagen is ending production of it’s trademark van.
- Well there go my plans for a “Summer of Love” Purtan-Family reunion trip to San Francisco.
- So now what am I gonna do with all the “peace, love and flower” decals I saved from the ‘60’s?
After a month off for medical reasons, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is back at work today.
- And so is Bill’s “personal secretary”!
Actor Gerard Depardieu was driven out of France by the new 75% tax on millionaires, but was welcomed to his new home - Russia - personally by Vladimir Putin. Russia has a 13% flat tax.
- Which is almost as important in Russia as when Putin displays his 13% Body Fat abs when he takes his shirt off.
Lance Armstrong reportedly may admit to doping so he can get back to the sport he loves.
- Luckily, he hasn’t forgotten how to do it…it’s just like riding a bike.