A newly revealed centuries-old papyrus fragment allegedly has Jesus making reference to “my wife”.
- Or maybe it was just a page ripped out of one of Henny Youngman’s jokebooks.
- The news has a lot of celibate priests hot under the collar!
On this day in 1964 the Paramount Theater in New York City presented the Beatles with Steve & Eydie, ending the Beatle’s 1964 US tour.
- The crowd wasn’t too thrilled with Steve and Eydie, but the Beatle’s said “Let It Be”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast!
-Dick
Lindsay Lohan was arrested last night for “leaving the scene of an accident” outside a NYC hotel. She allegedly clipped a pedestrian’s knee while she was parking her Porsche. Lilo said she had no idea she had hit anybody and believe she is “being set up”. She was released without bond and police do not believe alcohol was a factor.
- If they had requested bail, she was planning on paying it with the jewelry she stole last month.
- I’ve got two words for Lindsay: Valet Parking.
Lindsay Lohan shot a love scene with Charlie Sheen for the upcoming “Scary Movie 5” last week.
- Luckily they have the exact same STD’s so nobody got infected!
- The director said they were both great with their lines… Of course he was talking about lines of Cocaine.
Researchers predict that by 2030, more than half the people in the US will be obese.
- The government has a plan to put an end to this epidemic by outlawing bathroom scales.
- So I guess this means Michael Moore is a man ahead of his time.
Starting in November, Disney World’s Magic Kingdom will serve wine and beer at a new restaurant based on “Beauty and the Beast”.
- At first park officials thought the idea was Goofy… but then realized it was actually Goofy’s idea.
- So now you not only have to be loaded to afford a trip to Disney World, you can get loaded while you’re there!
Danish nursery workers are offering free childcare so busy parents can find the time to have sex.
- So the kids can read “Humpty Dumpty” while their Mother gets goosed!
While giving birth, Kourtney Kardashian says that she actually pulled the baby out herself.
- She’s like a magician! “For my next trick… watch me pull a baby out of my…”
- And you thought the Kardashians didn’t have any talent!
On this day in 1854 the sleeping car on trains was patented by Henry B. Meyer.
- Later the concept was perfected in cars by a drugged-out George Michael.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Things are heating up in the Kwame Kilpatrick Corruption Trial. The judge hopes to seat a jury of 12 (with 6 alternates) Wednesday which would mean opening arguments could begin Thursday.
- Kwame is still fighting for a true “jury of his peers”… but like Monica Conyers and Rod Blagojevich are in prison.
A French court has ordered a gossip magazine to cease printing any more topless photos of the future Queen of England, Kate Middleton, and ruled that they must hand over all copies of the photo to the Palace.
- Which might explain Prince Harry’s sudden interest in scrapbooking.
Meanwhile, the gossip rag has hinted that it has even more “intimate” pix of Kate along with her husband William having sex.
- If they really want to embarrass the Royal Family they should release photos of Charles and Camilla having sex.
Acccording to a recent online survey, G.I. Joe was voted the number one toy of the 20th Century.
- Barbie came in fourth — things have really been going downhill for her since her Malibu Dream House went into foreclosure.
A study at the University of Amsterdam found that people who are sexually aroused preform better in critical thinking tests than those who are not.
- This gives a whole new meaning to college students “pulling an all-nighter”.
- However the study warns that if you remain good at critical thinking for more than four hours, call your doctor.
Friday, Congress will adjourn until November 13th.
- So they’re not gonna get anything done until after the election… just like the four years leading up to it.
Officials at a Colorado High School confiscated a student’s rosary beads, claiming that the religious necklace is “gang affiliated”.
- Of course if it was a TATTOO of a rosary, the school wouldn’t have given it a second thought.
On this day in 1895 David Daniel Palmer of Davenport, Iowa, gave the first chiropractic treatment.
- The move left a lot of people in the medical community bent out of shape.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
The Lions left their heart and their running game in San Francisco (26 carries for only 82 yards). Final score: 49er’s 27 - Lions 19.
An Italian gossip magazine has released a special 20-page section of pictures of Kate Middleton - including three of her sunbathing topless.
- The last time people were this shocked by a topless Queen was when Elton John took his shirt off during a concert.
Britain’s Prince Harry turned 28 over the weekend.
- Fortunately the 28 candles didn’t get in the way of the topless pictures of his sister-in-law Kate silk-screened on top of his cake.
- Lucky for him, no pictures have surfaced yet of Harry wearing his birthday suit.
Pundits say that most Americans are just now starting to pay close attention to the presidential election.
- …of 2008.
- This explains why my neighbor finally took down his “Ron Paul For President” lawn sign.