A 15-year-old boy from Columbus, Ohio collapsed and was rushed to the hospital after locking himself in his room and playing “Call of Duty” on his XBOX for four straight days. Doctors say he was suffering from dehydration.
- And really bad parenting.
- Hey… at least he wasn’t doing that other thing that most teenage boys do when they lock themselves in their room for four straight days.
A new study shows that chronic exposure to “butter flavoring” is harmful to your brain.
- Which explains why there are people who actually find Adam Sandler movies funny.
Country singer Randy Travis walked into a convenience store near his home in Texas, naked, and attempted to buy cigarettes, but left when the clerk asked for money.
- The female clerk noted that “Not everything in Texas is bigger”.
He was later arrested for drunk driving after he ran his Trans Am off the road. Police found the naked singer flailing around in a ditch threatening to shoot them.
- Country song writers refer to this type of behavior as “research”.
More than 600 people were lined up at two hot-dog style carts in NYC where the Trojan company was giving away free vibrating sex toys, when a local government official shut the carts down. One woman said “Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t want people to have any fun… You can’t have a giant soda and you can’t have a vibrator”.
- There go her plans for Saturday night.
- Wait until Bloomberg realizes that people can put their cell phones on vibrate.
As of this week, the Internet is 21 years old.
- So if you see Al Gore today, be sure to thank him.
On this day in 1607 the first Thanksgiving Service was held by colonists in Maine.
- Boy, did they feel stupid when they found out Thanksgiving wasn’t until November!
Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Just click on any Suburban Collection ad on this page!
See you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast…
-Dick
John Conyers easily won his 20th primary election yesterday with 55% of the vote. His closest competitor got just 18%.
- Those “Vote For Me Or I’ll Send My Wife Monica To Your House” ads really paid off!
And speaking of “winning”… You could help your favorite local charity win their share of $40,000 in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”. Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page right now!
Kwame Kilpatrick and his father will be at the courthouse in downtown Detroit today as a judge begins the jury selection process for their upcoming Federal corruption trial. Potential jurors will have to answer a 28-page questionaire.
- To try and win over the jurors, Kwame has set up a “Lemonade & Bribery Stand” outside the courthouse.
- Carlita Kilpatrick is said to be so confidant Kwame will be found “not guilty” she didn’t even bat an eye!
Congrats to the Tigers for their 9th inning 6-5 win over the Yankees last night. They’ve now tied the club record of 10 straight victories at home and have won 16 of their last 17 home games - the best stretch since 1919.
A Canadian study found that obese drivers are more likely to be in car crashes and more likely to suffer serious injuries.
- That’s because the air bag can’t deploy when your “spare tire” is pressed up against the steering wheel.
- Among the serious injuries: Getting French Fries stuffed up your nose and being blinded by the Big Mac’s “Secret Sauce”.
A woman in Florida was arrested for outrunning a cop who was trying to stop her for speeding. She later told police that she couldn’t stop because she was driving topless.
- Doesn’t she realize that if she had stopped while driving topless the cop NEVER would have given her a ticket?
A Priest in Dearborn has been placed on administrative leave after he was caught driving drunk and naked through the streets of Detroit. He’s charged with driving under the influence and indecent exposure.
- He’d better get a pretty good lawyer or he doesn’t have a prayer.
- Police said “the collar” wasn’t even wearing his collar.
- The Priest said there was no need to arrest him as he’d already confessed to himself and given himself absolution.
Shelby Harris, the oldest man in the United States, has died at the age of 111.
- Why do the good ones go so early?
On this day in 1709 the first known ascent in a hot-air balloon by Father Bartolomeu de Gusmao of Portugal took place indoors.
- His parishioners suggested he go up in the “hot-air” balloon after listening to one of his sermons.
Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveway”. It couldn’t be easier! Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page right now! Thanks and I’ll see you back here Thursday…
-Dick
The Mars “Curiosity” Rover is already sending back pictures from Mars.
- Luckily the guys at NASA have photoshop so they were able to fix the alien’s red eyes.
- The pictures looked remarkably similar to pictures of Tom Cruise’s last vacation.
- To be honest, I’d rather see pictures of Mars than pictures of Uranus.
Speaking of things that are “Out of this World”… now is your chance to nominate your favorite local charity to win big bucks in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! A total of $40,000 will be given away! And entering couldn’t be easier… just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page, and your favorite local charity will be one step closer to becoming a winner!
A University of Washington study found that average Americans believe they are losing weight even if they’re actually gaining weight.
- That’s because men have been taught to say “No” when women ask “Do these pants make my butt look big?”.
- This is what Spandex gets us…clothes that always fit.
- I guess this explains why Michael Moore was featured on the cover of “Buff Men Monthly”.
Porn star Jenna Jameson says she’s endorsing Mitt Romney for President.
- She says she’d give him the shirt off her back… if only she was wearing one.
- Jenna said it was a hard decision picking between two big boobs.
- Fred Willard says he’ll actually go door-to-door campaigning for Romney. He’s a real “hands on” kind of guy.
A former US Olympic swimmer said in an interview that nearly all competitive swimmers pee in the pool.
- Of course they pee in the pool! It gives them a faster start!
- Now we know why Michael Phelps lost his signature race… he took a split second to “wait for the shake”.
Marvin Hamlisch - the composer of countless movie soundtracks and Broadway showtunes including “The Way We Were”, “The Goodbye Girl”, “A Chorus Line”, and one of my all-time favorite songs “Nobody Does It Better” from James Bond’s “The Spy Who Loved Me” has died at the age of 68.
On this day in 1498 Christopher Columbus arrived in the Caribbean.
- That afternoon he bought an “I’m A Bahama Mama” T-Shirt for Queen Isabella.
Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Just click on any of the Suburban Collection ads on this page! Thanks and I’ll see you back here Wednesday…
-Dick