Monday's Happenings...

It’s Monday… a great day to nominate your favorite local charity to win it’s share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! It’s simple… just click on any Suburban Collection ad on this page. Yup… it’s just that easy! 

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Trial lawyers in the Kwame Kilpatrick Federal corruption trial will begin interviewing potential jurors this week. They plan on talking to 400 people. 

- If they can find 400 people in the city of Detroit who don’t already have an opinion of Kwame Kilpatrick, then I’m the Pope. 

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Congrats to the Tigers for their amazing comeback last night at Comerica Park! They were down three runs in the 10th inning but swung back and won the game against Cleveland 10-8! Go Tigers! 

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After 8 months and 352 million miles, the unmanned space rover “Curiosity” landed safely on Mars. The rover is about the size of a small car. 

- NASA was going to go with a full-size sedan rover, but with gas at 4 bucks a gallon, they decided to stick with the compact.  

The Rover will now begin searching for signs of life on Mars. 

- Following that, NASA will send the rover to Hollywood to look for signs of intelligent life at Lindsay Lohan’s house. 

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A Yale Universtiy student spent three years riding buses across America to research the various ways that people keep other people from sitting next to them on a long trip. 

- Next up: A three year study of how men keep Fred Willard from sitting next to them in adult movie theaters. 

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Today is National Fresh Breath Day. 

- It comes on the heels of last Friday’s “National Garlic and Onions Day”. 

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On this day in 1979 12-year-old Marcus Hooper became the youngest person to swim the English Channel.

- Hitler couldn’t cross the English Channel… but Marcus Hooper could! 

Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity to win it’s share of $40,000 in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”. Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #52: "Who, What, Where, When & Gordie Howe!"

Today Jackie and I are joined once again by former “Purtan’s Person” Tom DeLisle for a conversation that covers just about everything under the sun. From Kim Jong Un’s “Un-availablity” (the good ones are always taken!) to how some people (Tom and me included) have an unusual physical reaction when we’re really concentrating - the comments flow faster than Michael Phelps in an Olympic pool. 

Plus… Tom shares some great personal stories about legendary Detroit Red Wing Gordie Howe, and I’ll tell you about a guy I met at a local restaurant recently who gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “I’m not from around here”! 

So turn off the Women’s Beach Volleyball for a few minutes and listen in to our latest Podcast. It’s at least worth a Bronze! 

Have a great weekend… and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page.

And now… on with the show! 

-Dick 

Purtan Podcast #52 (27:06)

FYI...

Quick reminder… The Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway” is underway! They’re giving local charities the chance to win a lot of money — a total of $40,000! To nominate an organization you feel needs help, just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page! 

Badmitton Players Charged With Raquet-teering!

Eight top women badminton players from China, South Korea and Indonesia were disqualified from the Olympics for deliberately throwing games to secure a more favorable draw in the next round. 

- All five people in the audience said it was obvious. 

- The leaders of the three countries denied it, calling it a “Shuttle Cock and Bull Story”. 

- This reminds me of the great “Croquet Steroid Scandal” in the 1932 games. 

Uncle Sam Goes For The Gold...

Turns out winning a Gold medal at the Olympics can actually cost you money. According to a report, Americans who win the top prize will owe the IRS up to $8,000. A Silver will cost you a little over 5 grand and around 3 for a Bronze.  

- So now you finally know why I’m not an Olympic athlete… I don’t want to pay the taxes. 

Still "Pretty In Pink"!

Bikini-clad Olympic Beach Volleyball star Kerri Walsh is taking antibiotics to treat pinkeye. 

- She’s had it for weeks but for some reason nobody, including the doctors, had been looking at her eyes.  

"How Does It Feel?"... Not So Good!

An author admittted faking quotes in a book he wrote about Bob Dylan. 

- Why would he admit to it? It’s not like anyone can really understand what Bob Dylan says anyway! 

- When asked why he did it, he replied, “The answer my friend… is blowin’ in the wind”. 

"Previously Enjoyed" Caskets???

Because of the bad economy, funeral homes are now allowing grieving families to rent a casket for their loved ones. 

- This kind of gives new meaning to “You can’t take it with you”. 

- Families also have the option of buying the casket on “Lay-A-Way”. 

UN UNinhibited By Sex For Cash!

The United Nations wants prostitution to be legalized worldwide. 

- Or at least in New York City where the UN ambassadors stay while they’re attending UN meetings. 

- The move would help the world’s economy by getting women off the couch and back in bed where they can make some money. 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1889 San Francisco, Calfornia was invaded by millions of crickets.

- The gay ones bought homes there, the other ones moved to LA. 

Have a great day and don’t forget to enter your favorite local charity in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! There’s $40,000 up for grabs! Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page to make your nomination! 

See you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast! 

-Dick 

Big News!

Today starts the Suburban Collection “Great Charity Giveaway”! $40,000 to be given away. Click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page to nominate your favorite local Charity! 

AMERICA: Going For... AND GETTING... The Gold!!!

Great night at the Olympics last night! The USA won the Women’s Gymnastic Gold Medal (including Michigan’s own Jordyn Wieber), and Michael Phelps won his 19th medal (a Gold) anchoring the men’s 4x200 relay… and became the all-time medal winner in the history of Olympic games!  

- Michael’s proud mother was a winner too, looking like she had melted down a few of his medals from the 2004 and 2008 Olympics and turned them into jewelry around her neck. 

Mohammad Ali Not the Only "Greatest Of All Time"...

Time Magazine has singled out 20 of the most influentional Americans in history. The list includes George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Henry Ford and Steve Jobs. 

- The Obama administration immediately took credit for creating Steve Jobs. 

"Who Are You... Who, Who... Who, Who?"

Fans of “The Who” who held on the their tickets from a show that was cancelled 33 years ago were allowed to trade them-in for tickets to the band’s upcoming reunion tour. 

- Of course they’re so old now, most of them said “I’ve got tickets to see the who?”

Newsflash: Snoop Dog Still Alive Yet Comes Back From The Dead!

With the release of his first reggae album, rapper Snoop Dogg announced that he’s changing his name to Snoop Lion and that he believes he’s Bob Marley reincarnated. 

- What’s he been smokin’?

- I’m waiting for the day when he announces that he’s Charles Shultz reincarnated and changes his name to “Snoop-y”. 

Strike 3 For "Beverly Hills Cop 4"!

Paramount Pictures has rejected Eddie Murphy’s script for “Beverly Hills Cop 4”. 

- Obviously producers realized that no one could top my eleven-second voice over starring role in “Beverly Hills Cop 3”. 

Not So Fast Ladies... He's Taken!

A man in Anderson County Tennessee, is facing dometic assault charges for allegegedly punching his girlfriend, because he thought she was having an affair, after she posted a photo of a handsome man on her Facebook page. Turns out the guy in the picture was Mitt Romney.

- This never would have happened if she was a supporter of Newt Gingrich. 

- The saddest part of this story is that even if convicted, her boyfriend will be allowed to vote. 

It Takes More Than Rubbing Buddha's Tummy To "Enlighten" India...

More than 670 million people in India - that’s half the country - was without power for almost two days when a power grid crashed.  

- Lucky for them, there was one guy in New Delhi who still had phone service and fixed the problem. 

"Fire In The Hole!"

An Australian man was treated for burns after he tried to light a firework lodged between his butt cheeks. 

- Apparently this guy has the wrong impression of what “Down Under” refers to. 

- Don’t even ask where he put his Sparkler…

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1994 Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley announced that they had been secretly married 11 weeks earlier in the Dominican Republic

- Even those people who believed Elvis was still alive at the time had to admit that hearing that probably killed him.  

Don’t forget… Today is Day One of the Suburban Collection “Great Charity Giveaway”! $40,000 to be given away! Click any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page and nominate your favorite local charity! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick