A woman in Florida was arrested for outrunning a cop who was trying to stop her for speeding. She later told police that she couldn’t stop because she was driving topless.
- Doesn’t she realize that if she had stopped while driving topless the cop NEVER would have given her a ticket?
A Priest in Dearborn has been placed on administrative leave after he was caught driving drunk and naked through the streets of Detroit. He’s charged with driving under the influence and indecent exposure.
- He’d better get a pretty good lawyer or he doesn’t have a prayer.
- Police said “the collar” wasn’t even wearing his collar.
- The Priest said there was no need to arrest him as he’d already confessed to himself and given himself absolution.
Shelby Harris, the oldest man in the United States, has died at the age of 111.
- Why do the good ones go so early?
On this day in 1709 the first known ascent in a hot-air balloon by Father Bartolomeu de Gusmao of Portugal took place indoors.
- His parishioners suggested he go up in the “hot-air” balloon after listening to one of his sermons.
Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveway”. It couldn’t be easier! Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page right now! Thanks and I’ll see you back here Thursday…
-Dick
The Mars “Curiosity” Rover is already sending back pictures from Mars.
- Luckily the guys at NASA have photoshop so they were able to fix the alien’s red eyes.
- The pictures looked remarkably similar to pictures of Tom Cruise’s last vacation.
- To be honest, I’d rather see pictures of Mars than pictures of Uranus.
Speaking of things that are “Out of this World”… now is your chance to nominate your favorite local charity to win big bucks in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! A total of $40,000 will be given away! And entering couldn’t be easier… just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page, and your favorite local charity will be one step closer to becoming a winner!
A University of Washington study found that average Americans believe they are losing weight even if they’re actually gaining weight.
- That’s because men have been taught to say “No” when women ask “Do these pants make my butt look big?”.
- This is what Spandex gets us…clothes that always fit.
- I guess this explains why Michael Moore was featured on the cover of “Buff Men Monthly”.
Porn star Jenna Jameson says she’s endorsing Mitt Romney for President.
- She says she’d give him the shirt off her back… if only she was wearing one.
- Jenna said it was a hard decision picking between two big boobs.
- Fred Willard says he’ll actually go door-to-door campaigning for Romney. He’s a real “hands on” kind of guy.
A former US Olympic swimmer said in an interview that nearly all competitive swimmers pee in the pool.
- Of course they pee in the pool! It gives them a faster start!
- Now we know why Michael Phelps lost his signature race… he took a split second to “wait for the shake”.
Marvin Hamlisch - the composer of countless movie soundtracks and Broadway showtunes including “The Way We Were”, “The Goodbye Girl”, “A Chorus Line”, and one of my all-time favorite songs “Nobody Does It Better” from James Bond’s “The Spy Who Loved Me” has died at the age of 68.
On this day in 1498 Christopher Columbus arrived in the Caribbean.
- That afternoon he bought an “I’m A Bahama Mama” T-Shirt for Queen Isabella.
Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Just click on any of the Suburban Collection ads on this page! Thanks and I’ll see you back here Wednesday…
-Dick
It’s Monday… a great day to nominate your favorite local charity to win it’s share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! It’s simple… just click on any Suburban Collection ad on this page. Yup… it’s just that easy!
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Trial lawyers in the Kwame Kilpatrick Federal corruption trial will begin interviewing potential jurors this week. They plan on talking to 400 people.
- If they can find 400 people in the city of Detroit who don’t already have an opinion of Kwame Kilpatrick, then I’m the Pope.
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Congrats to the Tigers for their amazing comeback last night at Comerica Park! They were down three runs in the 10th inning but swung back and won the game against Cleveland 10-8! Go Tigers!
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After 8 months and 352 million miles, the unmanned space rover “Curiosity” landed safely on Mars. The rover is about the size of a small car.
- NASA was going to go with a full-size sedan rover, but with gas at 4 bucks a gallon, they decided to stick with the compact.
The Rover will now begin searching for signs of life on Mars.
- Following that, NASA will send the rover to Hollywood to look for signs of intelligent life at Lindsay Lohan’s house.
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A Yale Universtiy student spent three years riding buses across America to research the various ways that people keep other people from sitting next to them on a long trip.
- Next up: A three year study of how men keep Fred Willard from sitting next to them in adult movie theaters.
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Today is National Fresh Breath Day.
- It comes on the heels of last Friday’s “National Garlic and Onions Day”.
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On this day in 1979 12-year-old Marcus Hooper became the youngest person to swim the English Channel.
- Hitler couldn’t cross the English Channel… but Marcus Hooper could!
Have a great day and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity to win it’s share of $40,000 in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”. Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page!
-Dick
Today Jackie and I are joined once again by former “Purtan’s Person” Tom DeLisle for a conversation that covers just about everything under the sun. From Kim Jong Un’s “Un-availablity” (the good ones are always taken!) to how some people (Tom and me included) have an unusual physical reaction when we’re really concentrating - the comments flow faster than Michael Phelps in an Olympic pool.
Plus… Tom shares some great personal stories about legendary Detroit Red Wing Gordie Howe, and I’ll tell you about a guy I met at a local restaurant recently who gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “I’m not from around here”!
So turn off the Women’s Beach Volleyball for a few minutes and listen in to our latest Podcast. It’s at least worth a Bronze!
Have a great weekend… and don’t forget to nominate your favorite local charity for their share of $40,000 being given away in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page.
And now… on with the show!
-Dick
Purtan Podcast #52 (27:06)
Quick reminder… The Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway” is underway! They’re giving local charities the chance to win a lot of money — a total of $40,000! To nominate an organization you feel needs help, just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page!
Eight top women badminton players from China, South Korea and Indonesia were disqualified from the Olympics for deliberately throwing games to secure a more favorable draw in the next round.
- All five people in the audience said it was obvious.
- The leaders of the three countries denied it, calling it a “Shuttle Cock and Bull Story”.
- This reminds me of the great “Croquet Steroid Scandal” in the 1932 games.
Turns out winning a Gold medal at the Olympics can actually cost you money. According to a report, Americans who win the top prize will owe the IRS up to $8,000. A Silver will cost you a little over 5 grand and around 3 for a Bronze.
- So now you finally know why I’m not an Olympic athlete… I don’t want to pay the taxes.
Bikini-clad Olympic Beach Volleyball star Kerri Walsh is taking antibiotics to treat pinkeye.
- She’s had it for weeks but for some reason nobody, including the doctors, had been looking at her eyes.
An author admittted faking quotes in a book he wrote about Bob Dylan.
- Why would he admit to it? It’s not like anyone can really understand what Bob Dylan says anyway!
- When asked why he did it, he replied, “The answer my friend… is blowin’ in the wind”.
Because of the bad economy, funeral homes are now allowing grieving families to rent a casket for their loved ones.
- This kind of gives new meaning to “You can’t take it with you”.
- Families also have the option of buying the casket on “Lay-A-Way”.
The United Nations wants prostitution to be legalized worldwide.
- Or at least in New York City where the UN ambassadors stay while they’re attending UN meetings.
- The move would help the world’s economy by getting women off the couch and back in bed where they can make some money.
On this day in 1889 San Francisco, Calfornia was invaded by millions of crickets.
- The gay ones bought homes there, the other ones moved to LA.
Have a great day and don’t forget to enter your favorite local charity in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! There’s $40,000 up for grabs! Just click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page to make your nomination!
See you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast!
-Dick