Today starts the Suburban Collection “Great Charity Giveaway”! $40,000 to be given away. Click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page to nominate your favorite local Charity!
Great night at the Olympics last night! The USA won the Women’s Gymnastic Gold Medal (including Michigan’s own Jordyn Wieber), and Michael Phelps won his 19th medal (a Gold) anchoring the men’s 4x200 relay… and became the all-time medal winner in the history of Olympic games!
- Michael’s proud mother was a winner too, looking like she had melted down a few of his medals from the 2004 and 2008 Olympics and turned them into jewelry around her neck.
Time Magazine has singled out 20 of the most influentional Americans in history. The list includes George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Henry Ford and Steve Jobs.
- The Obama administration immediately took credit for creating Steve Jobs.
Fans of “The Who” who held on the their tickets from a show that was cancelled 33 years ago were allowed to trade them-in for tickets to the band’s upcoming reunion tour.
- Of course they’re so old now, most of them said “I’ve got tickets to see the who?”
With the release of his first reggae album, rapper Snoop Dogg announced that he’s changing his name to Snoop Lion and that he believes he’s Bob Marley reincarnated.
- What’s he been smokin’?
- I’m waiting for the day when he announces that he’s Charles Shultz reincarnated and changes his name to “Snoop-y”.
Paramount Pictures has rejected Eddie Murphy’s script for “Beverly Hills Cop 4”.
- Obviously producers realized that no one could top my eleven-second voice over starring role in “Beverly Hills Cop 3”.
A man in Anderson County Tennessee, is facing dometic assault charges for allegegedly punching his girlfriend, because he thought she was having an affair, after she posted a photo of a handsome man on her Facebook page. Turns out the guy in the picture was Mitt Romney.
- This never would have happened if she was a supporter of Newt Gingrich.
- The saddest part of this story is that even if convicted, her boyfriend will be allowed to vote.
More than 670 million people in India - that’s half the country - was without power for almost two days when a power grid crashed.
- Lucky for them, there was one guy in New Delhi who still had phone service and fixed the problem.
An Australian man was treated for burns after he tried to light a firework lodged between his butt cheeks.
- Apparently this guy has the wrong impression of what “Down Under” refers to.
- Don’t even ask where he put his Sparkler…
On this day in 1994 Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley announced that they had been secretly married 11 weeks earlier in the Dominican Republic
- Even those people who believed Elvis was still alive at the time had to admit that hearing that probably killed him.
Don’t forget… Today is Day One of the Suburban Collection “Great Charity Giveaway”! $40,000 to be given away! Click any one of the Suburban Collection ads on this page and nominate your favorite local charity!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
It’s strike two for Fred Willard… ABC has pulled the last two episodes of his show “Trust Us With Your Life” after his arrest for lewd conduct at an adult movie theater on July 18. He already lost his narrator gig on a public tv show. Willard went on the Jimmy Fallon show and said he was embarrassed by the incident but did nothing wrong. Officials say he may be eligible for a “diversion program” instead of facing formal charges.
- Wasn’t it a “diversion” that got him in trouble in the first place?
- Fallon’s audience gave Fred a big hand… not that he needed it.
There’s a new coffee on the market that is advertised as the most highly caffeinated coffee in the world. If you don’t like it, you can return it within 60 days.
- That is if you can keep your hands steady enough to fill out the return slip.
- Doesn’t the economy have us all jittery enough?
- If you add cream to it, you can technically call it a “Milk Shake”.
A professor of animal behavior said that letting a dog chase a dot from a laser pen could make it go insane.
- This could really put a dent in attendance on “Bring Your Schnauzer To Work Day”.
- But apparenty dogs can chase their own tails unsuccessfully for years with no ill effects.
A Mayaysian woman is competing in the Olympics rifle shooting competition while eight months pregnant.
- An eight month pregnant hormonal woman with a gun - that pretty much assures her of winning a medal.
- If she goes into labor on the course she’ll be demanding an epidural… at gunpoint.
Germany has a new hotline that lets people call in and yell curse words at strangers on the other end.
- You gotta admit, it’s a nice alternative to invading Poland.
- A lot of people are sticking with the old fashioned method of calling their ex-spouses and doing the same thing.
Lady Gaga tweeted a naked picture of herself.
- The most surprising part of this story is that it took this long for it to happen.
- I thought for sure there’d be a pork chop or two hanging from somewhere.
On this day in 1774, Joseph Priestley discovered Oxygen.
- Before that, people were forced to survive by breathing “air”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Queen Elizabeth is being hailed as “The New Bond Girl” after a video piece featuring Daniel Craig and a “Body Double” of her Royal Highness showed her allegedly parachuting into the stadium during Friday nights Opening Cermonies of the Olympic Games.
- The original plan had been to use Camilla, but the PETA people threatened to protest.
- The last Queen to float like that was Freddie Mercury.
There was one hitch in the Opening Ceremonies Friday night. A mysterious woman in a red jacket walked through the stadium with the athletes from India - although she’s not on the team and no one knew who she was. Turned out, she was one of the dancers hired for the show. The Olympic committee said she posed no threat to security.
- The woman later apologized, saying she was “very Sari”.
- Her boyfriend had planned on crashing the event too, but he got stuck on the phone all night helping some guy fix his computer.
After waging a war against smoking, fatty foods, and sugary drinks, NYC Mayor Bloomberg is now taking aim at new mothers. He is encouraging hospitals to hide their supply of baby formula to get more mom’s to breast feed their newborns.
- He is now the official head of the “Nipple Nazi Party”.
- Even Elsie, the Borden Milk Cow, said the move is udderly ridiculous.