The Ku Klux Klan had their applicaton denied to adopt a stretch of highway in Georgia.
- The local head of the Klan said, “But what are we gonna do with all of our ‘White Turn Only’ signs?”
A truck carrying 10 tons of toilet paper caught on fire Tuesday night on I-75 in Ohio.
- It was a #2 alarm blaze.
University of Kansas researchers discovered that you can predict someone’s personality with 90% accuracy just by looking at their shoes.
- For instance, lazy people tend to wear loafers.
On this day in 1775, The United States Army was founded.
- Thousands of Colonial wives urged their “Minute Men” to join up.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with a rather revealing Podcast!
-Dick
REMINDER: It’s Flag Day! Don’t forget to fly your Stars and Stripes!
The Postmaster General said that if something isn’t done to help the post office, it will go the way of Greece.
- Meaning, mail will now be delivered to your back door.
According to a new study, the average American family’s net worth has dropped almost 40% since 2007.
- On a bright note, if you own shares of “Prozac” stock, you’re gonna make a killing!
- Experts say you can solve the problem simply by thinking of your family as “above average”.
- And if you got divorced, it dropped by about 50%.
More than half of all senior citizens in the U.S. are now using the Internet.
- Not surprisingly, senior women are using it to talk to their grandchildren, and senior men are using it to look at pictures of naked women.
- The most popular website is eHighBloodPressure.com.
- Of course most of them think “LOL” is a new type of cholesterol measurement.
A woman in Los Angeles found a pair of lungs on the sidewalk.
- Police say it’s a one-time incident, so everyone is breathing easier… except the owner of those lungs.
- When they say that smog can make you “cough up a lung” they’re not kidding!
- The one organ you don’t find in L.A. is brains.
Attorney General Eric Holder has assigned a special prosecutor to investigate who is disclosing top-secret classified information.
- Of course we won’t know the special prosecutor’s name until the suspect leaks it.
On this day in 1920 the U.S. Post Office ruled that children could no longer be sent by parcel post.
- Which meant that MGM had to find a new way to get Shirley Temple to movie locations.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
A woman riding a New York subway had to drop her pants in front of everybody when a rat ran up her pant leg.
- Which means it was a typical Monday in NYC.
- Usually it’s the men on the subway who drop their pants, but the women say there’s not a rat involved, it’s more like a small turtle.
A Somali branch of al Qaeda put a bounty of 10 camels on President Obama and 20 chickens on Hillary Clinton.
- If you were going to give away something with a hump to get a prominent American… wouldn’t it have been BILL Clinton?
- Bill said he would have given them Hillary for 5 chickens if they’d just asked.
53-year-old Madonna flashed her breast during a concert in Istanbul.
- There’s nothing like a good Turkey breast!
- On the bright side, the incident earned her a nomination for a SAG award.
A British museum has unearthed a one hundred year old report on the sex lives of Penquins that was so shocking it was hidden from the public. The penquins were said to be promiscuous, had sex with young chicks and engaged in gay sex.
- If you think the report on Penguins was shocking, you should see the one on rabbits.
66-year-old Cher and her 86-year-old mother visited the White House and got a lot of media attention about how young they both look.
- Obama told Cher that her daughter Chasity’s surgery to become a man, (Chaz) was “Change You Can Believe In!”
- Afterwards, they headed over to Congress to visit the “Gypsy’s, Tramps & Thieves”.
On this day in 1792 George Vancouver discovered Vancouver, BC.
- What are the chances of discovering a place that’s already named after you?
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
A Colorado man is suing Arby’s, claiming his genitals were scalded when hot steam suddenly shot out of their urinal.
- The story was released to the press by “Willie-Leaks”.
- The damage was so extensive, he ended up with a “Roast Beef Jr.”
- I sure hope that’s not the way they make their “Curly Fries”.
Last Friday, President Obama declared that “The private sector is doing fine”.
- Tell that to the guy at Arby’s…
- The only people surprised by the remark were those who work in the private sector.
California Governor Jerry Brown proposed saving the state money by cutting high school science class requirements from two years to one.
- He figures it’s doesn’t take two whole years to learn how to grow your own pot.
- I sure hope they don’t cut out the “dissecting a frog part”… that comes in so handy later in life!
- Why not cut economics classes so the kids won’t realize just how bad off their going to be financially.
A Colombia University study found that when people are sleepy, they are more likely to choose sugary junk food over healthy food.
- Obviously Michael Moore is an insomniac.