A new survey says that the Great Wall of China is twice as long as we’d been told.
- It took two thousand years to figure this out?
- The “survey” was done by a Chinese guy by the name of “Wang” who was trying to impress his girlfriend.
- It will now be referred to as the “REALLY Great Wall of China”.
This is the day Hawaii honors King Kamehameha.
- He’s the guy who suggested that everyone who visits Hawaii would get a free lei!
Have a great day, I’ll see you back here Tuesday, and don’t forget to check out my latest Podcast (#46). I call it “A Purtan Family Affair” and it’s up, along with a family picture, right now on the DickPurtan.com homepage!
-Dick
The latest installment of my Podcast is kinda like a clown car… more and more people just keep pilin’ out! In this edition, Jackie and I are joined by my newly married daugher Jill, new-mommy daughter Julie, her newly born son Brayden, and some other family members who apparently “just happened to be in the neighborhood” while we were recording. We talk about everything from Kanye West’s pricey new sneakers to the fact that scientists have proven that there really is an “Old Person’s Smell”. (Four-month old Brayden also demonstrated to us that they’re can be a “Really Young Person’s Smell” too). Plus… we hop on the “Rolling Stone” bandwagon and give our own picks for the “Worst Song Of All Time.” Grab a GPS locator… cuz we’re all over the map on this one! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here with my blog on Monday morning!
-Dick
Octomom Nadya Suleman called off her debut as a stripper because she says the other “dancers” at the Florida club were saying nasty things about her behind her back.
- The comments weren’t nearly as bad as what the strip club patrons would have said about her front!
- Nobody would have hired her for a lap dance anyway… they’d be afraid a kid would fall out.
The US has terminated $2 million in funding to create a Pakistani version of “Sesame Street” after getting reports that the puppet theater producing the show was guilty of corruption.
- They were also planning on executing Bert and Ernie for being gay.
- Miss Piggy was banned from the show because she’s made out of Pork.
Rush Limbaugh has come under fire for calling the President the “Celebrity of The United States” and referring to him as “Barack Hussein Kardashian”.
- Donald Trump is demanding to see Obama’s birth certificate to see if he really is a Kardashian!
A troop of little people actors are planning a “midget march” on Universal Studios, to protest the use of normal-sized actors, shrunk with CGI as the dwarves in Snow White and the Huntsman.
- They’re hoping for a million marchers, but will probably come up short.
- Tom Cruise actually played one of the dwarves but they didn’t have to shrink him.
Newsmax calculated that it costs taxpayers $1 million a year to fly Joe Biden to and from his weekly golf games on Air Force Two.
- Where does Biden play golf? In Saudi Arabia? (Probably not… too many sandtraps.)
- Obama says it’s worth it to get him out of the office.
- You can only imagine how much taxpayers spent flying President Clinton around the country to play with his putter!
On this day in 1983 Jerry Lee Lewis married his 5th wife.
- I think that’s a misprint… It was actually his 4th wife but she was only 5 years old.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here with a brand new Podcast Friday!
-Dick
Today, June 6th, marks the 68th Anniversary of the D-Day Invasion… one of the greatest Military battles in history and the beginning of the end for Hitler.
Today is “Drive-In Movie Day”.
- The celebration originally scheduled for this afternoon has been moved to after sundown tonight.
President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 Billion dollars.
- His campaign is being funded mainly from the friendly folks at Bain Capital.
Researchers in Tokyo have developed “diet” goggles that make food appear larger than it actually is.
- They’re hoping small-chested women will buy these for men to wear on first dates.
- If men accidentally wear their “beer” goggles, at least it will make the food look more attractive.
A Dutch company wants to do a reality show that would send poeple to a colony on Mars for the rest of their lives.
- The original idea was to send the Kardashians to Mars, but they’d already signed a deal to move to Uranus.
A new poll has found that one-third of Facebook users are spending less time on it than they did six months ago because it’s come “boring”, irrelevant or useless.
- Apparently they’ve been keeping up with my posts.
- Boring, irrelevant & useless… but enough about Kwame Kilpatrick!
On this day in 1850 Levi Strauss made his first pair of blue jeans.
- If he hadn’t invented blue jeans, Neil Diamond would have had to record a song called “Forever in Pants”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Kwame’s at it again… According to e-mails, he’s complained to state prison officials about performing 16 hours a month of community service. He claims that between giving paid speeches and driving his kids to extracurricular activities, he just doesn’t have the time. BTW… he’s doing his “service” at a Texas Food Bank.
- Kwame’s used to driving himself to his own “extracurricular activities”.
- Kwame doesn’t like working at the food bank, but said the meals are awesome!
Queen Elizabeth is celebrating the final day of her Diamond Jubilee, marking 60 years on the throne, despite the fact that her husband, Prince Phillip, is in the hospital with a bladder infection.
- He is said to be doing well, despite a lot of pain in his Royal Scepter.
Her Majesty ended the four-day festivites by making her way through London in a horse drawn carriage along with Camilla.
- They put special “Jubilee” Blinders on Camilla so she didn’t get spooked by the crowd.
- As a special anniversary gift to his grandmother, Prince Harry DIDN’T wear his Nazi uniform.
Researchers have determined that there really is an “old person smell”.
- And it’s now being bottled and sold under the name, “Hugh Hefner Cologne”.
- NOTE: The findings of this study were predicted by Nostril-damus hundreds of years ago.
Scientists in Israel have developed marijuana with all of the medicinal properties but none of the substance that gets you stoned.
- The new highless weed has been dubbed “Cheech Without The Bong”.
- You knew somebody was going to come up with a way to take the fun out of Glaucoma.