Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was photographed drinking beer and dancing during the scandal-ridden international conference in Colombia.
- Asked for comment, Bill Clinton said, “That’s my girl!”
- Nothing builds confidence in your government like watching the Secretary of State chug a beer while doing the Macarena.
Researchers say that drinking beer can actually make you smarter.
- Actually it was just one researcher… a “Mr. H. Simpson” of Springfield.
- If drinking beer makes you smarter, than college fraternity houses are actually “Think Tanks”.
- Researchers added that it makes you smarter at math… especially when dealing with quarters.
Newt Gingrich was visiting the St. Louis Zoo when he was nipped by a Penguin.
- Newt is so strapped for cash, he was actually trying to steal the Penguin’s tuxedo for an upcoming fundraiser.
- Newt’s wife was so startled, her hair almost moved!
- In a related story the elephants turned their backs on him… like most G.O.P.’ers they’re going for Romney.
A new survey finds that families of prom-going teens will spend over - get ready - $1000 on the event this year.
- NOTE TO DAD’S: When your daughter comes crying to you that no one asked her to the dance, do not jump in the air, fist bump your wife and yell, “Yes!”.
On this day in 1986, IMB produced the first megabit-chip.
- The next day an IBM worker got in trouble for double-dipping the chip in the guacamole at the office’s celebration party.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
The Red Wings came us short against the Predators at home Sunday, giving Nashville a 2-1 lead in their 5 game play-off series. Next game: Tuesday at 7:30pm at the Joe. Go Wings!
Meanwhile, the Tigers are 6-3 on the season after taking just one of their games against the Chicago White Sox. 
By the way, if it seemed like every play in every major league game yesterday involved a guy wearing jersey #42 you were right. All MLB players, managers, coaches and umpires donned the number to honor the 65th anniversary of the day that 
Jackie Robinson became the first black player in Major League Baseball history when he took the field for the Brooklyn Dodgers back in 1947. A great tribute!
Eleven Secret Service agents were suspended after they hired hookers while preparing for President Obama’s arrival for a summit in Colombia. They were caught when one of the women told police that an agent refused to pay her the $47 he owed her.
- So now we not only owe China up the ying-yang, we owe Colombia too!
- Apparently, if a Secret Service agent throws himself between the President and a woman coming at him, it’s known as “a three some”.
- This makes me long for the good old days… Bill Clinton always made sure his agents had plenty of cash on hand to pay their hookers!
Because April 15th fell on a Sunday, and today is a government holiday in DC, income taxes aren’t due this year until tomorrow, April 17th.
- So now we have to wait until tomorrow’s 11pm local news to watch that live, riveting coverage from the Post Office with the reporters asking, “Why did you wait until the last minute to file your taxes?”.
A four-year-old girl from Winchester, England, joined MENSA after scoring 159 on an IQ test, just one point below Stephen Hawking. 
- The Kardashian sisters have the exact same IQ… when you add all three of their scores together.
- Call me stupid, but I thought most girls didn’t join “The Mensa Society” until they hit puberty.
- The little girl is reportedly set to release a book, “A Brief History of Time-Outs”.
North Korea’s third attempt at a long-range missile test failed over the weekend, when the missile broke apart and fell into the ocean just minutes after it was launched.
- The countries new leader, Kim Jong Un, hailed the failure as a victory saying it proved North Korea is capable of taking out a school of fish.
- Goerge W. Bush immediately proclaimed, “Mission Un-Accomplished!”
- What is it with short guys and their obsession with proving that they’ve got long-range missiles?
On this day in 1943, Swiss researcher Albert Hoffmann introduced the world to a new-mind altering drug: LSD.
- Ironically, he wasn’t at home but was on a trip at the time.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
In today’s installment, I talk to my daughter Jill’s son and daughter (Okay, my grandkids) Matthew (17) and Julia (14) during their visit to our family vacation home in Florida. We cover everything from their career aspirations (yep- they both want to go into broadcasting!) to mis-prounounced words and the movie, “The Hunger Games”. And speaking of “Hunger”, turns out even the kids notice how waiters and waitresses seem to get nicer the closer it gets to “tip time”. Now if I could only get them to pick up the check once in a while! You’ll hear all that and a lot more as I talk to another generation of Purtans. OMG… it was, like, so fun!
Have a great weekend and enjoy!
-Dick
Purtan Podcast #38 (20:53)
There’s concern that in recent appearances, President Obama looks too thin and rumors are that he hasn’t been eating. 
- He’s eating… but Michelle only allows him to eat brocolli, carrot sticks and Tofurkey kebobs.
From the “I Didn’t See That One Coming Department”… A California parole board denied Charles Manson release from prison for the 12th time.
-Manson’s smart… he bet against himself getting paroled and made a killing!
A study from the National Institutes of Health says women today spend two more hours in labor than women in the 1960’s. 
- I guess when push comes to shove, some of those babies just don’t want to be pushed or shoved!
- The curve was thrown off by women who are in labor during “Dancing With The Stars” and don’t want to have the baby until they see Glady’s Knight do the Cha-Cha.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie says that under Obama, America is turning into a bunch of couch potatoes addicted to sitting around waiting for government checks. 
-Ironically, Christie looks like a couch potato, but he actually earns his governmnent check. 
-Despite his weight, Christie is NOT a couch potato… that’s because he ate both the potato and the couch.
Betty White launched her first Twitter account and within minutes had 145,000 followers. 
- Good for Betty! I’ll bet she hasn’t been Twittered in years!
The Rolling Stones have announced that they are heading into the studio to record a new album. 
- The first single to be released will be, “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction Without Viagra”. 
- The album will also include, “The Early Bird Dinner At Ruby Tuesday’s” and “You Can’t Always Remember What You Want”.
On this day in 1992, Euro Disneyland opened in France. 
- It closed a day later when employees surrendered to a bunch of German tourists. 
Good luck to the Red Wings in Game One of their playoff series against the Predators in Nashville Game time: 8:00 pm!