Order the “Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD by Wednesday (That’s tomorrow!) and get FREE Super Saver Shipping! The CD has 40 of my favorite highlights from the last couple of years of my radio show - and at just $19.99, you’ll be saying “Wow… What a bargain!” 
Order now and you’ll have it in plenty of time for Christmas - and will give you something to listen to when you want to “tune out” your annoying “Uncle Harry”! 
The Lowe’s home improvement chain is caught in a battle over religion. They got complaints from evangelicals because they ran ads during a TLC reality show called 
“All-American Muslim” so they pulled the ads. Now they’re facing a backlash from Arab-Americans, some celebrities and even a Democratic CA Senator who say the move is anti-muslim.
- The Jewish Community was also upset… Apparently Jesus used to get his carpentry supplies from the Lowes in Jeruselem.
- Evangelicals who aren’t Do-it-Yourselfers usually hire “Father and Son”.
Right-wing radio host Michael Savage offered Newt Gingrich $1 million to drop out of the presidential race and let Mitt Romney have the nomination. He’s afraid that Newt can’t beat Obama because next to him, he’ll look like a “fat, old white man.”
- Obama offered Newt $2 million to stay in the race.
- I guess Savage thinks Republicans would rather vote for a guy who looks like a “Ken” doll instead of a Muppet.
- But this time of year people love fat old white men… especially the ones who wear a red suit and travel with a pack of reindeer!
Pedro and Buddy are the male penguin pair at the Toronto Zoo who became gay icons. The zoo sparked outrage when it temporarily split them up to put them with females in a breeding program. But apparently the boys are not as gay as believed. Buddy already has a girlfriend and Pedro is wooing one, but she’s shy and playing “hard to get.” Experts say it’s common for male penquins to show a same sex “social bond”… until the girls show up.
- It’s not easy for the boy penquins to figure out which are the girl penquins, since they’re all wearing the same outfit.
- Maybe they just go both ways… making them “Bi-Polar”!
A Chicago strip club called the Admiral Theater is really trying to get into the holiday spirit. Now through Saturday, they’re offering a free lap dance to anyone who donates a toy for needy children. BTW… the toy must be new and unwrapped.
- Unlike the strippers who are “unwrapped” but not so “new”.
- So far, most of the guys have shown up with a “French Tickler-Me-Elmo” Doll.
- Just another reason why this is called THE MOST WONDERUL TIME OF THE YEAR!
- Several of the dancers were so naughty last year, they ended up with coal in their fishnet stockings.
30 wild hogs escaped from a meat processing plant in Fort Worth, Texas on Sunday in an apparent attempt to escape the butchers block. The pigs scattered into the surrounding neighborhood. So far 27 have been caught - including one who was trapped outside a BBQ restaurant.
- Maybe that one was just cutting out the middle man!
- It was the first case ever of “Ham on the Lamb”.
- Instead of an “APB” the cops put out a “BLT”.
On this day in 1974, George Harrison had lunch with President Gerald Ford, becoming the first rock star invited to the White House. Elvis Presley met Nixon in 1970, but Elvis had requested the visit.
- Rumor has it that during lunch Harrison was “tripping” and Ford just tripped.
Have a great day… order a CD… and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Men’s Health magazine has sparked controversey by releasing a list of the “100 Hottest Women Of All Time”… and naming Jennifer Aniston as #1, She was followed, in order, by Raquel Welch, Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Madonna, Ursula Andress, Bettie Page, Pamela Anderson, Jane Fonda and Angelina Jolie. The editors say that Aniston is not only attractive but funny, down-to-earth, and “unmistakably real”, making her seem attainable and thus #1. Critics disagree.
- So Brad Pitt actually traded down… Who knew?
- I know tons of guys who still have, and of course love, that sexy pin-up of Jane Fonda posing with the Viet Cong.
Some millionaires talk about wanting to give more to the government, but James Davidson of Florida actually did it. He died a year ago and left $1 million, all his furnishings, and his historic 1920’s home to the US govenment to help pay down the $15 trillion debt. The house sold for over a million on Sunday, meaning he left a total of over $2 million to the government.
- And don’t forget that his funeral created a “shovel ready” job!
- His grandson called him, “A very generous man… and the suckiest Grandfather ever!”
A Pennsylvania man placed an obiturary in his local newspaper for his mother. Only problem was, his mother turned up at the newspaper office in Pennsylvania after the obit was published to explain that she was very much alive. Turns out her 45 year old son, Scott Bennett, was so desperate to get some paid time-off from his job, he faked the death notice. He was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.
- His mom immediately bailed him out, then put him in a Time Out!
- I’d love to be a fly on a wall at the Bennett’s come Christmas morning.
- He should have published his own obituary… He never would have turned himself in!
A study out of England found that cursing can help relieve pain, but only if you don’t do it too often. Students who repeated a swear word were able to keep their hand in a bucket of ice water 40 seconds longer than those who repeaded an innocuous, random word. But the emotional release that kills the pain only worked for those who don’t swear very often.
- This explains why Rappers take so many drugs!
- The study was originally done on chickens: Those who said “Cluck” a lot required more pain meds.
Some U.S. colleges have started asking unusual personal questions on their application forms. 
For instance, Colombia University is asking applicants to describe “the best movie of all time”. Emory U asks, “What is your favorite ride at the amusement park and how does that reflect your approach to life?”. And the University of Maryland asks applicants to share their “favorite thing about last Tuesday”. School officials say it lets them get to know more about students than is reflected in their academic records.
- Why don’t they just look at the kids facebook pages? They’ll find out answers to all those questions and see how the students look naked, too!
- NOTE: If you list Rollar Coaster as your favorite ride, you’re immediately accepted in the “Stock Broker” program.
- Most applicants who listed “Animal House” as the greatest movie of all time ended up going to Ohio State.
On this day in 1925, the world’s first motel opened San Luis Obispo, California.
- An hour later, officials had to assure local residents the shaking they were experiencing was not an earthquake, it was just the motel’s “Magic Fingers”.
Speaking of fingers… you can use your’s right now to click on one of the blue CD ads on this website to get your copy (or copies) of my newest (and final!) CD - “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10”. At just $19.99 it makes the perfect cheap inexpensive gift for anyone on your shopping list who was a fan of the show! The CD contains 40 never-before-released cuts from my last few years on the air and proceeds benefit two terrific Michigan Military charities! Let’s face it… Christmas is just around the corner… so DON’T WAIT!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Hope you’re having a great weekend! To keep you company while you’re “Decking the Halls”… our latest Podcast is up and running and we’ve got a star-studded one for you today! Listen in as we welcome Bill Clinton to my dining-room table discussion of everything from his recent appearance on “The View” (where he made Whoopi!) to why some Muslim woman are being banned from touching zuchinni. (Yup. That’s why). Plus we talk about the 7-year-old boy who’s been accused of sexual harassment for fighting back against a bully and discuss the latest candidate to become “Anger Management Monthy’s” new poster boy. We also touch on Madonna (figuratively, not literally… we’re fresh out of penicillin) and her upcoming appearance at the Superbowl. And speaking of bowls, we debate why Michigan is going to a bigger, more prestigious Bowl game than Michigan State… even though State beat Michigan!
And with just a few short weeks left to get the perfect, inexpensive gift for that special someone on your list… we give you more details about how you can get my new CD “The Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” for just $19.99! It’s as simple as clicking on the blue ad above, and you’ll have it in two or three days - in plenty of time for Christmas and the Holidays!
Merry Christmas! And now… on with the show! (34min. 52sec.)
Purtan Podcast #22: Nude, Rude & Lewd Celebrities… It Must Be The Holidaze!
Yesterday, a federal judge sentenced former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich to 14 years in prison on 18 corruption charges, including trying to sell Barack Obama’s former Senate seat. Unlike celebs in Hollywood, Blago will have to serve a minimum of 12 years. Apparently the judge was unmoved by Blago’s statement that he was, “Unbelievably sorry.”
- What he actually said was, “I am so BLEEPING unbelievably BLEEPING sorry!”
- Blago’s biggest fear of prison isn’t the other inmates, it’s getting the prison haircut!
- The thousands of dead people who originally voted him into office are turning over in their graves.
Mitt Romney is using President Obama’s passion for golf against him. The Romney campaign has set up a website called FortyFore.com that notes Obama has played 1,584 holes since taking office. The site quotes Obama as saying he “would not rest” until every Amerian can find a job, and is asking for $18 donations - a dollar per hole on a typical golf course - to help send Obama on a “permanent vacation”.
- Herman Cain is considering jumping back in the race on the “Back 9-9-9” platform.
- In response, Obama is switching to Putt-Putt, so he can play golf and have more time to create jobs!
- In his defense, Obama says his golfing has created a lot of “shovel ready jobs”… of course they’re really tiny shovels used to replace his divets.
- So basically Romeny is using golf to handicap Obama’s candidacy.
The Environmental Working Group has compiled a list of the 10 worst Children’s cereals based on sugar content. They say that cereals including Froot Loops, Apple Jacks and Captain Crunch are all more than 40% sugar by weight. Worst of all is Kellogg’s Honey Smacks which is 55.6 percent sugar by weight. They say there’s more sugar in just one cup of Honey Smacks or even Wheaties Fuel than in a Hostess Twinkie.
- So go for it Mom! Let your kid have that Twinkie they want for breakfast!
- I’m glad my favorite cereal wasn’t mentioned because frankly, nobody’s getting their hands on my Lucky Charms!
BTW… By comparison, Cheerios are just 3.6 percent sugar.
- Which is why kids don’t eat them; they just use them for “target practice” during potty training!
Parents and grade school kids gathered for a school play in England were horrified when one student’s dad stormed in and attacked another dad. The two wrestled, then one dad bit through the other guys finger and, according to a witness, “spit out blood like an animal”. Apparently the dad’s had a long standing feud. By the way, the fight took place during the school’s Christmas Nativity Play.
- Well I can think of two guys who aren’t gonna be playing two of the three Wise Men in next years production!
- It took police hours to calm the men down and bring them to their “Frankencenses”. (RIM SHOT GOES HERE)
- The little drummer boy was so traumatized he switched to the recorder.
Detroit born “M*A*S*H” star Harry Morgan, who played “Colonel Sherman Potter”, on the hit show has died at the age of 96. Earlier in his career, Morgan played the hard-nosed detective Joe Gannon on “Dragnet. His daughter says he died at his home in LA after a bout with pneumonia.
- Those are the facts m’am. Just the facts.
Here’s another fact for ya… there are 40 of my favorite cuts taken from the last few years of my radio show on the brand new CD, “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10”. From Jacque and Frenchy Lepuke to Jack Stewart to Presidents Clinton, Bush & Obama… they’re all there! Plus a few of our homemade parody songs (including Coleman singing to Kwame) and some other funny stuff that “just happened”! 
You’ll not only get some laughs, you’ll be benefiting two great Michigan Military charities as they “Honor our Past and Support the Present”! It’s the perfect, inexpensive Christmas/Holiday gift for you - or someone you have to buy for, but don’t want to spend much money on! You can get your $19.99 copy (or copies!) right now by clicking on one of the blue CD ads right here on DickPurtan.com!
Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here with Podcast #22 Friday!
-Dick
70 years ago today, Japan attacked Pearl Harbor and the U.S. entered World War II.
- This “Historical Moment” brought to you by Toyota!