In Sports, Always Keep Your Eye On The...Uh...Uh...

The NBA players and team owners finally reached an agreement to save the season. But there was an interesting “Plan B” in place.  The Rick’s Caberet chain announced plans to launch a basketball league with teams formed of topless dancer from each of their 23 clubs. This week, they’ll announce a former NBA star who’ll coach their New York team and unveil the players’ uniforms.

- Even if none of the girls make a single basket, it sounds like a slam dunk to me!

- It’ll be just like a real NBA game except instead of watching the bouncing ball, people will just watch all the bouncing! 

- The perfect guy to pick out the women’s uniforms: Dennis Rodman! 

- With all the perfume they’ll be wearing, instead of “Flagrant Fouls” they’ll get “Fragrant Fouls”.

- They’re call the league the “National Boobie-ball Association”. 

Gaga A "Turkey" On Thanksgiving!

Aside from posing nude for a sketch by Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga did everything to transform herself into a family-friendly icon for her TV special Thanksgiving night. But despite visiting nuns at her old school, doing crafts with kids, and cooking chicken and waffles in a designer gown, the shop flopped. “A Very Gaga Thanksgiving” pulled less than half the viewers of a rerun of “The Big Bang Theory” and lost to “A Charlie Brown Christmas” which was being shown for the 40th time.  

- I think she’d do better with a Christmas Special: “Lady Gaga… Hoe! Hoe! Hoe! For The Holidays”.

- The only one happy with the show? Tony Bennett! 

The New Twilight Movie: "Seizure The Day"?

Over the weekend, the latest “Twilight” movie made another $42 million to beat the Muppets and top the box office for a second week.  But there was a downside.  There have ben several reports of people suffering seizures during the graphic birthing scene, because the quick-cut editing makes the screen flash red, white and black.  

- Luckily most men weren’t affected as they’d already fallen asleep by that point in the movie.  

- Why not just do what most women do during conception… keep your eyes closed!

RIP...

George Gallup Jr., son of the Gallup poll founder George Senior, has died at the age of 81.

- Ironically, a recent Gallup poll found that 86% of Americans didn’t even know he was sick.  

Have a great day and don’t forget to click on the blue ad to reserve your copy (or copies!) of “The Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD right now! 

See you back here on Tuesday!

-Dick 

Forget "Black Friday"! It's "Maize & Blue Saturday"!

UPDATE: Michigan wins over OSU 40-34 in dramatic last minute victory!!!!! GO BLUE!!!!!

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Today at noon the Michigan Wolverines and the Ohio State Buckeyes will kick-off another game at The Big House in Ann Arbor. The decades old rivalry has been a bit lopsided the last few years (okay, Michigan has lost the last 7 straight) but this year most analysts predict UofM will come out on top.

In honor of the Big Game, I thought we’d put up two pieces that were annual traditions on my show… The song, “Liquidate Ohio State” and an incredibly funny bit written by the late, great Gene Taylor and performed by the late, great Doc Andrews. It involves the OSU marching band and their halftime show. 

Go Blue!

Liquidate Ohio State

Doc Andrews Announces The UofM/Ohio State Halftime Show

Purtan Podcast #20: An Especially Fowl Edition!

Happy Day after Thanksgiving!  

In this special “recorded-the-day-before and aired-the-day-after” Holiday edition of our podcast, we talk about everything from Turkeys (and not just the ones in Washington) to “Sexting while Sleeping”.  (It’s a newly recognized medical condition, and therefore a great excuse if you get caught by your spouse!) President Obama joins us to discuss “Black Friday” and the White House “Country Music Night”. Plus we talk about “Shrinky Dinks”, why you may never have to visit the dentist again, and a grandmother-groping ghost! Plus… info on how to reserve your copy of my 10th and final “Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People” CD - featuring 40 never before released bits from my last years on the air, benefiting two great military charities, available right here at DickPurtan.com. Just click on the blue CD ad to reserve your copy (or copies) today!  It’s a great way to experience all the excitement of “Black Friday” without the crowds!  And there hasn’t been this great a “stocking stuffer” since Marilyn Monroe slipped into a pair of pantyhose! 

Purtan Podcast #20:  An Especially Fowl Edition

As they say, you can lead a horse to water… Despite the days my wife Gail spent preparing the traditional Thanksgiving feast, four of my daughters’ boys opt out on the Turkey and trimmings for their favorite holiday fare of Spaghetti-O’s and little weiners wrapped in crescent rolls.  Oh well… that means more leftovers for me! 

Pictured from front to back: Jessica’s son Preston, Jackie’s son Charlie, Jessica’s son Jack and JoAnne’s son Adam. And way in the background… the little girl with glasses on is JoAnne’s daughter Lauren.

Happy Thanksgiving To All...

Well it’s finally here… Turkey Day!  And speaking of “Turkeys”, I thought it appropriate to put up the recording of Big Al reciting “The Fat Man’s Prayer”.  It was originally done by a man named Victor Buono back in 1971 - but is just as fitting today (so to speak!) 

I hope you enjoy it… and most of all, I hope that you share a safe, happy and healthy Thanksgiving with friends and family.  

There’s no denying that times are tough, but I hope we can all take a moment to be thankful for what we have and look forward to better times ahead for Detroit and our country! 

From the entire Purtan family to yours… Happy Thanksgiving! 

-Dick 

The Fat Man’s Prayer as recited by Big Al 

P.S. I’ll see you back here tomorrow with a special “Black Friday” edition of our Podcast! 

Take The Stress Out Of Black Friday!

Looking for a quick, easy, affordable gift that you don’t have to camp out in a tent all night to get a great deal on? Reserve your copy of “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People Vol. 10” today! It’s just $19.99 and not only provides a lotta laughs from my last few years on the air, it benefits two great Michigan Military charities, Operation Homefront Michigan and Honor Flight Michigan: The Legacy Project. 

Just click on the blue ad with the CD cover on it to reserve your copy now… and then spend Black Friday sleeping off the Turkey you ate on Butterball Thursday instead of at the mall! 

And for tickets to a special party being thrown by the two charities on Saturday evening, December 17th, click here.  I’m emceeing… and you’re invited! 

Have You Tried The Turkey On Pita? It's To Die For!

With Thanksgiving just a day away, PETA is once again urging Americans to go meatless and eat tofu instead of turkey.  Their website claims that “turkeys are as varied in personality as dogs and cats. They relish having their feathers stroked and like to chirp, cluck, and gobble along to their favorite tunes.”

- Number one on the Poultry Hit Parade?  The Turkey Trot.

- The idea of eating tofu instead of turkey has enraged the members of PETT (People For The Ethical Treatment of Tofu”). 

- Male turkeys don’t seem to care.  They figure once you’ve had your giblets stuffed in a paper bag, there’s not that much to live for anyway.  

NEWSFLASH: Friday Starts On Thursday! Saturday Vows To Stay Put.

Retailers, desperate for sales, are turning back the clock on the traditional “Black Friday” early-bird sales, with some stores opening on Thanksgiving night. A few are even claiming they’ll be open all day during Thanksgiving. Even eager shoppers are complaining, saying Thanksgiving is a day meant to be spent with family not cashiers.  

- This is a win-win for men! We don’t have to pretend to help with the dinner, and we can get all of the giant stretch pants, shotguns and ammo on our gift list without fighting a crowd! 

Don't Forget To Gaga After You Gobble!

Thursday night, ABC will air a 90-minute special called “A Very Gaga Thanksgiving” featuring music, a tearful interview with Katie Couric, “Lady” cooking a deep fried turkey and welcoming a troupe of children, upon whom she blows glitter.   

- If you thought her raw meat dress was awesome… wait ‘til you see her “Deep Fried Turkey Teddy”! 

- Linsday Lohan makes a special appearance dressed as a food:  She’s coming as the “Cranberry Sauced”.  

If A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...

A German gynocologist is under investigation after secretly taking 35,000 pictures of patients during exams. So far 700 women have filed criminal complaints against the now retired doctor who photographed 3000 women in all.  If convicted he could face up to a year in prison.  

- Which will give him plenty of time to finish putting together his “Creative Memories” photo albums. 

- Some guys never learn that you shouldn’t take your work home with you! 

- Patients say they thought it was odd when he kept saying, “Say cheese!” during the the exam.

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1897, J.L. Lowe patented the pencil sharpener.  

- And people finally realized what that little pink thing on the other end was for!  

Have a great day and a safe, healthy, happy Thanksgiving. We’re taking tomorrow off but Big Al will recite the tratdional “Fat Man’s Prayer” right here at DickPurtan.com.  

And I’ll see you back here Friday with my new Podcast!

Gobble! Gobble!

-Dick  

Dick Discusses CD On Albom...

Here’s an interview I did the other day with Mitch Albom on WJR concerning the “Best of Purtan” CD, the military charities it benefits, and the party being thrown by the two Charities on Saturday night, December 17th.  I’m the host… and you’re invited! 

Dick talks about new “Best Of” CD with Mitch Albom 

Three Reasons To Watch Tonight's Debate... Okay, Two.

Tonight, the GOP presidential candidates will hold their 11th debate, this time on CNN.  The subject will be foreign policy. 

- This just in… Herman Cain has been charged with sexual harrassment by a woman at the library he visited to brush up on the history of Libya. 

- Rick Perry is playing it safe… He only plans to name TWO countries that he intends to do away with if he’s elected. 

- These debates are a lot like DWTS… There’s one on almost every week, everybody dances around the issues, but nobody gets voted off. 

Obama: Not So Crazy About "Country"?

Last night, the White House hosted an “evening of down-home country music..” Obama, who’s better known as a fan of Stevie Wonder and Jay-Z, said that after traveling across America and riding buses through small towns, he’s come to appreciate how much country music means to Americans and that it’s “truly made in America”.  

- Of course the CD’s the songs are recorded on are made in China, but the singers are pure red, white and blue. 

- He said his favorite country song is, “Take This Job… and Shovel It Ready!”

- Obama’s not really a country expert… he thought “Brooks & Dunn” were the guys who made Joe Biden’s suits.   

"Kardashing With The Stars?"

Tonight’s the big night on DWTS… when they announce this season’s mirror ball trophy winner. Despite what most critics agree was a not-so-great performance, Rob Kardashian (yes, of THOSE Karsashians) received a perfect score of three tens… setting him up for a potential win tonight. Newly dis-engaged sister Kim, decked out in a tuxedo, was in the studio cheering him on. 

- The tux was the one her ex-husband wore to their wedding!  All they had to do was use a black king size sheet to let the butt out.  

- Co-contestant Ricki Lake was upset that her Mom was bumped from the packed audience because Kim took up two seats. 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1963, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas. On the same day in 1955, The Three Stooges’ Shemp Howard passed away. 

- To this day, fans of Shemp still have questions about the “Grassy Nyuk!”

Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here Wednesday… Thanksgiving Eve!

-Dick 

It's D-Day! (Dick Purtan's 10th & Final CD Finally Available Day!)

Starting today, you can reserve your copy of “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. #10” CD! It’s a great stocking stuffer in time for Christmas and the holidays! It’s just $19.99 and contains 40 cuts of never released content from the last few years of the show! Plus… proceeds from sales of the CD benefit two outstanding Military charities — Operation Homefront Michigan and Honor Flight Michigan: The Legacy Project. Just click here, or on the ad on this page to reserve your copy today!

Talk About "Good Sports"!

Good weekend for Michigan sports teams! Lions, Spartans, Wolverines and Red Wings all won! And now we look forward to Thanksgiving, as the undefeated Superbowl Champion Packers visit Ford Field in the annual Turkey Day Game.  Then on Saturday… it’s Michigan-Ohio State! And this year chances look good for the Wolverines to break their 7-game losing streak against the Buckeyes!