Michigan’s Firearms Deer Hunting season officially began just before dawn this morning, with thousands of hunters in both the lower and upper pennisulas heading into the woods to bag themselves a buck.
- Which means by now, there are probably more inebriated guys passed out on the grass than there were at “Woodstock”.
This morning at 1:30 a.m. the NYPD movied into Zucotti Park, set up kleig lights and ordered the Occupy Wall Street portesters to grab their stuff and vacate. 
They said the park has become a fire and disease hazard and had to be “cleared and restored”. Protesters linked arms, shouted “No retreat, no surrender,” and sang “We Shall Overcome” as they left.
- Ironically, Zucotti Park isn’t any more disease filled than any other park in New York.
- Finally, the normal crazy people can have their park back!
The US Army military Police Museum in Missouri is displaying some artifacts from the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. Exhibits include official documents and Saddam’s 500 pound cell door. But they declined to display Saddam’s toilet. Pressed as to why, a spokeswoman said, “We don’t have a reason, really, when it comes down to it.”
- I can think of a couple of reasons… #1 and #2.
- Actually the male and female curators couldn’t agree on whether to display it with the seat up or down.
- They are displaying the copies of People Magazine, “Dictator’s Quarterly”, and “Better Spider Holes and Gardens” that Saddam kept next to the toilet.
After being deluged with outraged calls and emails about their decision to separate two bonded male penguins, the Toronto Zoo announded that they will be reunited in the spring after mating season with females is over. The Zoo claims that “Buddy” and “Pedro” have a “social bond” that’s not necessarily sexual. But many believe they are gay, leading to the term “Brokeback Iceberg”.
- They may not be gay… but they sure are snappy dressers!
- If Buddy and Pedro actually go both ways, would it be okay to call them “bi-polar”?
On this day in 1492, Christopher Columbus noted in his journal the use of tobacco by Indians, the first recorded reference to tobacco.
- He later noted that they’d been smoking “Pocahontas Slims”.
Have a great day… and don’t forget my new “Best of Purtan - Vol. 10” CD will be available starting next Monday, November 21st at Amazon.com! It features 40 of my favorite bits from the last few years before I retired and proceeds benefit two great military charities: “Operation Homefront Michigan” and “Honor Flight Michigan - The Legacy Project”. To read more about these two outstanding organizations and a special event coming up to celebrate their important works and the release of my CD, click on the following links: Operation Homefront Michigan and Honor Flight Michigan.
See you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
My final “Best Of” CD is coming out a week from today… November 21st! It contains 40 cuts taken from the last few years of my show. It will cost $19.99 and will be available at amazon.com! Sales of the CD will benefit two great Michigan Military charities — Operation Homefront Michigan & Honor Flight Michigan: The Legacy Project.
But wait… there’s more! For information about a very special party being put on by the charities, that they have asked me and “Purtan’s People” to host, just click on the link below! I hope to see you there!
-Dick
With disease and crime on the rise, several cities are finally starting to break up “Occupy Wall Street” tent cities. In Portland, one female protester who’d once been interviewed on MSNBC warned the cops that the world was watching and yelled, “I know Keith Olbermann!”
- Given Keith’s ratings, I’d say “the world is watching” might be a bit of an overstatement.
- If she really wanted attention, she should have said she’d been sexually harrassed by Herman Cain.
- Ironically, health officials say the diseases that have sprung up in the tent cities are so rare “they usually only affect 1% of Americans.”
Michael Moore has been visiting the protests to denounce the rich, and claim that he and protestors are all “wage slaves.”
- He also stopped by to announce that “The McRib” is back at McDonalds but only for a limited time!
Herman Cain’s wife Gloria will give her first interview concerning the sexual harrassment allegations against her husband tonight on Fox News. 
In advance excerpts, Gloria said that after 43 years of marriage, she knows the kind of man her husband is, and “he totally respects women” She said, “He would have to have a split personality to do the things that were said.”
- So maybe her husband didn’t do those things! It was actually that “Herman Cain” guy he keeps referring to in all his speeches.
If women want to look younger, they need to have more sex. A hospital in Scotland discovered that women who have sex at least four times a week were scored by others as looking up to 10 years younger than their real ages. But another study found that only 30% have sex that often, and 66% say they do the horizontal mambo once a week or less.
- Of course they look ten years younger! They’re having sex four times a week because of all the plastic surgery they had to make them look ten years younger!
- If the more sex you have, the younger you look, Madonna should look like she’s 14.
Britain’s Prince Charlies turns 63 today.
- Princes William and Harry tried unsuccessfully to buy Saddam Hussein’s toilet so they’re dad would finally have a thrown to sit on.
On this day in 1851, Herman Melville’s novel “Moby Dick” was first published.
- Larry Flynt’s great-great-grandfather was really disappointed when he found out it wasn’t a pop-up book.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Today’s date is 11/11/11 - a numerical event that hasn’t happened since November 11, 1911 and won’t happen again for another hundred years!
On in this day in 1918, the Armistice was signed, officially ending World War I — “The War to End All Wars” — if only!
Today of course we call this Veteran’s Day. I hope you will join me in saluting all of the brave men and women - both past and present - who have served our country so selflessly to insure our freedom.
And I’m happy to say that, as you’ll hear at the end of today’s Podcast, my new “Best of Purtan - Volume 10” CD (available November 21st on Amazon.com) will benefit two terrific Michigan Military charities — Honor Flight Michigan: The Legacy Project and Operation Homefront. In fact, they’re hosting a Christmas Party on Saturday night, December 17th and have asked me to be to be the honorary chairman along with “Purtan’s People”! If you’d like to attend the party just click on the “Reservations” link below.
Meanwhile… for more details about the CD, featuring 40 bits, conversations and characters from my last few years on the air, just listen to the Podcast! In today’s “Pod-i-sode” (is that a word?) we also touch on a wide range of other topics… from Rick Perry’s Texas-sized brain freeze to “Paternogate” with our special guest, Howard Cosell. Plus a showbiz round-up that includes Bill Bonds & Lady Gaga (btw…both of whom wear attractive hair extensions!)
Have a great weekend and don’t forget to remember our Veterans!
-Dick
Purtan Podcast #18: From Perry to Paterno to “The Best Of Purtan - Volume 10” (23min. 8sec.)
DATE # 1…IT’S THE BIGGEST RELEASE SINCE KWAME LEFT PRISON!
The release of the “Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People” CD Volume #10!
Available to order at Amazon.com starting Monday, November 21st.
Just $19.99 (plus shipping and handling) with proceeds to help benefit two Michigan Military Charities…
Operation Homefront Michigan, & Honor Flight Michigan - The Legacy Project.
Operation Homefront Michigan provides emergency financial and other assistance to the families of Michigan service members and wounded warriors.
Honor Flight Michigan, the same folks who have flown 1,400 WWII Vets to see the WWII Memorial in Washington, D.C. are now funding The Legacy Project - the building of a beautiful, permanent memorial in Royal Oak’s Memorial Park to pay tribute to Michigan Veterans from all the armed services.
Together, with the purchase of this CD, we can help “Honor Our Past & Support the Present”
The “Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People” CD Volume #10 contains 40, yes 40 tracks of knee-slapping humor including all of your favorite Purtan’s People Characters! People magazine and the NY Times say they don’t know anything about the CD, but if you ask us, we think it’s kind of funny.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!!! SAVE THE DATE #2! -
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17TH…
I am proud to have been asked to be the honorary chairperson of a great night of giving back to those who have served our country, and continue to actively protect and defend our freedoms - It will be a heartwarming and fun evening that you will never forget.
Check out the event details below:
WHAT: A benefit to support Operation Homefront Michigan, and Honor Flight Michigan - The Legacy Project
WHEN: Saturday, December 17th 6:00 p.m.
WHERE: Madison Place - 876 Horace Brown Dr., Madison Heights, MI (Between Stephenson Hwy., and John R., just South of 13 Mile Rd.)
RESERVATIONS: $50 Per Person. Includes: Dinner, Dancing, Auction, Cash Bar & Valet Parking
Pictured above, left to right: Bob Stauffer WWII U.S.A.A.F., Little Ol’ Me, and the Jurich Family. Mom and Dad pictured and their National Guard Unit will be deployed to the Middle East the first week of December. God Speed to all of them for a safe return.
ON BEHALF OF OUR CHARITY PARTNERS AND EVERYONE AT DICKPURTAN.COM…A HEARTFELT THANK YOU!
At last nights CNBC-hosted GOP presidential debate at Oakland University, Rick Perry put his foot so far into his mouth he gave himself a tonsillectomy. He was listing the three government agencies he’d do away with: Commerce, Education and… and… For 53 excruciating seconds, even with prompting and a second chance, he just couldn’t think of the third one. He ended the almost minute long gaffe by saying “oops”. Even two former Bush officials called the mistake “fatal” and “the death knell” for Perry.
- George W. Bush said, “I still think Perry’s got three things goin’ for him: Good looks, smarts, and… and…”
- Bush added, “Being a Debaterer is hard work! It really is!”
- I think maybe Perry should re-think his position on getting rid of the Education agency.
- Perry beat the “deer in the headlights” season by five days.
Despite the media frenzy, Herman Cain was only asked one question last night about the sexual harrassment allegegations against him. When the female CNBC moderator posed the question, the audience booed.
- A confused Herman Cain said, “I did not have sex with that woman… Miss Lewinsky!”
If you want to pig out on Girl Scout Cookies, but don’t want to increase your waistline, here’s a solution: The Lip Smacker company is marketing a line of lip balms flavored like Thin Mints, Tagalongs, Do-si-Dos, Trefoils and Samoas. So you get the great taste without all the fat and calories.
- The hard part will be dipping your lips in a glass full of cold milk.
- Girl Scouts across the country will now be scrambling to earn their “Lip Balm” badge.
Russel Johnson, the man who played “The Professor” on Gilligan’s Island turns 87 today.
- Apparently his relatives are sick of taking care of him… as a gift, they chartered a boat for a three hour tour. A three hour tour.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with a new Friday Podcast… Plus more details about the release of our “Best of Purtan Volume 10” CD!
-Dick
Thursday, right here, I’ll reveal details about the release of my new “Best Of” CD and a party on Saturday night, December 17th, to celebrate the two terrific Michigan Military charities that will benefit from every CD purchased!
Yesterday, Herman Cain held a dramatic press conference in which he strongly denied ever sexually harrassing any woman, ever. He said when he saw accuser Sharon Bialek on TV with attorney Gloria Allred, he couldn’t even remember her face. He flatly branded her story as a false accusation made by a troubled woman with a history of firings, bankruptcies and lawsuits. Cain even said he’d take a lie detector test (sort of).
- Competitors of “Godfather’s Pizza” are hoping they can sneak in some questions on the test and find out what kind of Pepperoni Cain used.
- His opponents suggested “Waterboarding” him.
- When he mentioned “a troubled woman with a history of firings, bankruptcies and lawsuits” I thought for a minute he was admitting he’d had an affair with Monica Conyers!
Meanwhile the AP discovered that one of Cain’s accusers, Karen Kraushaar, also filed a secual complaint at her very next job, accusing a manager of circulating a sexually-charged e-mail. She later dropped the suit.
- Apparently she misinterpreted what he meant by saying it was time for her “annual performance review”.