EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!...SAVE THE DATE(S)!!!!

DATE # 1…IT’S THE BIGGEST RELEASE SINCE KWAME LEFT PRISON!  

The release of the “Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People” CD Volume #10!

Available to order at Amazon.com starting Monday, November 21st.

Just $19.99 (plus shipping and handling) with proceeds to help benefit two Michigan Military Charities… 

Operation Homefront Michigan, & Honor Flight Michigan - The Legacy Project. 

Operation Homefront Michigan provides emergency financial and other assistance to the families of Michigan service members and wounded warriors.

Honor Flight Michigan, the same folks who have flown 1,400 WWII Vets to see the WWII Memorial in Washington, D.C. are now funding The Legacy Project - the building of a beautiful, permanent memorial in Royal Oak’s Memorial Park to pay tribute to Michigan Veterans from all the armed services.

Together, with the purchase of this CD, we can help “Honor Our Past & Support the Present”

The “Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People” CD Volume #10 contains 40, yes 40 tracks of knee-slapping humor including all of your favorite Purtan’s People Characters!  People magazine and the NY Times say they don’t know anything about the CD, but if you ask us, we think it’s kind of funny.

BUT WAIT!  THERE’S MORE!!!  SAVE THE DATE #2! -

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17TH…

I am proud to have been asked to be the honorary chairperson of a great night of giving back to those who have served our country, and continue to actively protect and defend our freedoms -  It will be a heartwarming and fun evening that you will never forget. 

Check out the event details below: 

WHAT:  A benefit to support Operation Homefront Michigan, and Honor Flight Michigan - The Legacy Project

WHEN:  Saturday, December 17th  6:00 p.m.

WHERE:  Madison Place - 876 Horace Brown Dr., Madison Heights, MI (Between Stephenson Hwy., and John R., just South of 13 Mile Rd.)

RESERVATIONS:  $50 Per Person.  Includes: Dinner, Dancing, Auction, Cash Bar & Valet Parking

For Reservations Click Here:

Pictured above, left to right:  Bob Stauffer WWII U.S.A.A.F., Little Ol’ Me, and the Jurich Family.  Mom and Dad pictured and their National Guard Unit will be deployed to the Middle East the first week of December.  God Speed to all of them for a safe return.

ON BEHALF OF OUR CHARITY PARTNERS AND EVERYONE AT DICKPURTAN.COM…A HEARTFELT THANK YOU!   

Perry For Prez? Forget About It!

At last nights CNBC-hosted GOP presidential debate at Oakland University, Rick Perry put his foot so far into his mouth he gave himself a tonsillectomy.  He was listing the three government agencies he’d do away with: Commerce, Education and… and… For 53 excruciating seconds, even with prompting and a second chance, he just couldn’t think of the third one.  He ended the almost minute long gaffe by saying “oops”.  Even two former Bush officials called the mistake “fatal” and “the death knell” for Perry. 

- George W. Bush said, “I still think Perry’s got three things goin’ for him: Good looks, smarts, and… and…”

- Bush added, “Being a Debaterer is hard work! It really is!” 

- I think maybe Perry should re-think his position on getting rid of the Education agency. 

- Perry beat the “deer in the headlights” season by five days. 

Newsflash: Lack of Sexual Harassment At GOP Debate!

Despite the media frenzy, Herman Cain was only asked one question last night about the sexual harrassment allegegations against him.  When the female CNBC moderator posed the question, the audience booed. 

- A confused Herman Cain said, “I did not have sex with that woman… Miss Lewinsky!” 

Company Gives Girl Scouts Some Lip...

If you want to pig out on Girl Scout Cookies, but don’t want to increase your waistline, here’s a solution:  The Lip Smacker company is marketing a line of lip balms flavored like Thin Mints, Tagalongs, Do-si-Dos, Trefoils and Samoas.  So you get the great taste without all the fat and calories.  

- The hard part will be dipping your lips in a glass full of cold milk. 

- Girl Scouts across the country will now be scrambling to earn their “Lip Balm” badge. 

Happy Birthday!

Russel Johnson, the man who played “The Professor” on Gilligan’s Island turns 87 today. 

- Apparently his relatives are sick of taking care of him… as a gift, they chartered a boat for a three hour tour.  A three hour tour.  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with a new Friday Podcast… Plus more details about the release of our “Best of Purtan Volume 10” CD!

-Dick 

BIG NEWS COMING TOMORROW!

Thursday, right here, I’ll reveal details about the release of my new “Best Of” CD and a party on Saturday night, December 17th, to celebrate the two terrific Michigan Military charities that will benefit from every CD purchased! 

Herman: "Cain We Can Believe In?"

Yesterday, Herman Cain held a dramatic press conference in which he strongly denied ever sexually harrassing any woman, ever. He said when he saw accuser Sharon Bialek on TV with attorney Gloria Allred, he couldn’t even remember her face. He flatly branded her story as a false accusation made by a troubled woman with a history of firings, bankruptcies and lawsuits. Cain even said he’d take a lie detector test (sort of).   

- Competitors of “Godfather’s Pizza” are hoping they can sneak in some questions on the test and find out what kind of Pepperoni Cain used.  

- His opponents suggested “Waterboarding” him. 

- When he mentioned “a troubled woman with a history of firings, bankruptcies and lawsuits” I thought for a minute he was admitting he’d had an affair with Monica Conyers!

Meanwhile the AP discovered that one of Cain’s accusers, Karen Kraushaar, also filed a secual complaint at her very next job, accusing a manager of circulating a sexually-charged e-mail. She later dropped the suit.  

- Apparently she misinterpreted what he meant by saying it was time for her “annual performance review”.

Nancy Falls From Grace On DWTS...

Last night, talking head Nancy Grace (and the rest of her body) got the boot on DWTS - just one week before the semi-finals begin.  In her farewell speech she thanked everybody under the sun, including her family for flying in to “take care of my twins so I could dance”.

- After her recent wardrobe malfunction, I thought she brought her “twins” to the set with her everyday!

"Coffee, Tea Or Porn?"

The head of the Irish budget airline Ryanair has proposed offering passengers a pay-per-view porn service on airliners. He says it wouldn’t be on the screens on the back of seats for everyone to see, but on handheld devices. 

- He also proposed changing the term “TSA Pat-Down” to “Foreplay”. 

- So now passengers can join the “Mile High Club” without even unfastening their seat belt! 

- All that heavy breathing will really help drown out the kids screaming in the back of the plane.

Love Means Never Having To Say You're A Gay Penguin...

Zookeepers in Toronto have outraged gay activists with their plans to split up a well known “gay penguin” couple. Buddy and Pedro are both male penguins, but they bray mating calls to each other, preen each other, and stand together to defend their territory.  Zookeepers say they’re “fascinated” by the penguin’s behavior, but they need male penguins for the captive breeding program, so they plan to separate them.

- Why not just let them adopt? 

- Buddy and Pedro aren’t going to actually have sex with the female penquins, but they’ll do the girls’ hair so they’ll be more attractive to the straight males.  

- Zookeepers did the same thing last year when they caught two male giraffes necking.  

Stroke Turns Man Gay... Former Girlfriend Nearly Has Stroke!

26-year-old Chris Birch of Wales, was a burly, 266-pound rugby player and skinhead type who was engaged to his girlfriend when he attempted a backflip in the field.  He fell, broke his neck and suffered a stroke. Days later, he awoke in the hospital to discover he’d lost all interest in women and sports and was now gay.  He quit his job at a bank, trained to become a hairdresser, lost 112 pounds and is now living with a 19-year-old boyfriend.

- The two are even planning a romantic getaway to visit the penquin exhibit at the Toronto Zoo.  

- Now in addition to “slurred speech”, doctors have added “a new-found interest in redecorating”, to the official “Signs You Might Have Had A Stroke” list.

- The chance of this happening is why I cancelled my appearance in the next Olympic Decathalon. 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1966, at an exhibit of her art in London, John Lennon met Yoko Ono.

- Otherwise referred to as “The Day the Music Died”. 

 Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

No More "Happy Valley"...

Former Penn State football defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, has been accused of sexually assaulting young boys.  Head Coach Joe Paterno, was informed of one of the assaults by an eyewitness ten years ago and passed on the information to his bosses - but not to authorities.  The bosses did nothing and nothing further was heard from Paterno - who is the winninest football coach in college history.   

What’s your opinion?  Should Joe Paterno be fired, resign, or keep his job? 

Just click the “Comment” button and let me know where you stand.  Or leave me a message on my facebook page. Thanks.

-Dick

"The Doctor Will Kill You Now..."

After a six week trial and nine hours of deliberations, a jury found Dr. Conrad Murray guilty of involuntary manslaughter in the 2009 death of Michael Jackson. Murray was immediately taken into custody and will be sentenced later this month.  He could face up to four years in prison and is currently on suicide watch. 

- Guards became suspicious when Dr. Murray asked if the prison commissary carried Propofol. 

Lohan Sets New Record: "Scared Straight" In Under Five Hours!

Lindsay Lohan completed her 300 day jail sentence for probation violation in less than 300 MINUTES.  Her sentence was reduced due to overcrowding.  She arrived around 8:30 p.m.  and was released at 1:30 a.m. Still, Lindsay has told friends that the 4 1/2 hours she spent in prison were “a real wake up call” and that jail was “cold” and “scary” and one of the worst places she’s ever been. 

- Those were the same words used by Mrs. Vlad the Impaler after her wedding night with Vlad.   

- Lindsay was reportedly shocked when she found out the jail didn’t have a liquor license.  

But Cain She Prove Her Accusations?

Monday, a woman named Sharon Bialek, flanked by attorney Gloria Alred, gave a graphic press conference detailing sexual harrassment claims against Herman Cain.  Bialek told reporters she went to Cain looking for a job back in 1997, but claims instead of an interview, he groped her genitals among other things.  Cain is set to deny the charges in a press conference later today. 

- Bill Clinton said, “Like me, Herman Cain is someone who likes to reach across more than just the aisle.”

Bialek may run into some credibility problems:  She never filed a complaint, has no proof or witnesses, and she has a spotty history of firings, lawsuits, freqent job changes, sexual harrassment claims, bankruptcies and a paternity suit filed against her by her son’s father.  

- … John Edwards.

NEWSFLASH: Frenchman Makes Rude Remark!

A French news site reports that during a private moment at the G-20 press conference last week, French President Nicolas Sarkozy told President Obama that he can’t stand Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and that “he is a liar.” Obama replied, “You’re sick of him, but I have to deal with him every day!” The two leaders didn’t realize that their microphones were turned on.

- Turns out the real reason the French President doesn’t like him is that Netenyahu once admitted that he can’t stand Jerry Lewis. 

- So this is why Obama rarely speaks without a teleprompter! 

- Sarkozy also told Obama a “Knock Knock Joke”…

Sarkozy:   Knock knock!

Obama: Who’s there?

Sarkozy: Benjamin Netanyahu.

Obama: Benjamin Netanyahu who?

Sarkozy: How long have you been stuttering?  

Another Stupid Celebrity Baby Name...

British soccer player Gabriel Sakuani may have stumbled on the trendiest celebrity name of all time. Inspired the the “trending topics” feature on Twitter, he just named his baby son “Trendy”.  He says Trendy “suits him” and he’s sure it will grow on people and become popular.  

- Just like when Frank Zappa had a baby girl and suddenly EVERYBODY was naming their daughters “Moon Unit”! 

- I have a feeling that as soon as he’s old enough to use a computer, “Trendy” is going to “unfriend” his father. 

- Why not just name the baby iKid and when he has another one, the iKid2?

RIP...

Smokin’ Joe Frazier has died at the age of 67 after a short battle with liver cancer.  He fought Mohammad Ali three times.  One, known as “The Fight of the Century” saw Frazier take down Ali at Madison Square Garden- making him the first man to do so.  But the tides turned in the famed rematch known as “The Rumble in the Jungle”, when Frazier lost his rematch with Ali in a bloody 15 round battle.  Ali called it “the closest thing to death” he’d ever known and Frazier, who wanted to continue the fight was held back by his trainer because he’d taken so many blows from Ali he literally couldn’t see. 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1956, Ford Motor Company decided to name it’s new car the “Edsel,” after Henry Ford’s only son, Edsel Ford.

- If only Henry had named him “Trendy” the car might have been a hit!  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick