The McRib Sandwich, McDonald’s pork concoction that periodically appears on menus, is making a nationwide comeback again. But bad news for fans: it will only be available through November 14th. BTW… The McRib contains no ribs.
- And no real pork, either.
- Michael Moore gave the move two big fat stubby thumbs up!
- In a related story, McDonalds announced plans for the new sandwich made with aged cow lips. It’s called, “The McJagger”.
Gawker.com reports that TSA agents at airports are doing more than just groping passengers during searches. A female blogger says she was traveling with a sex toy in her luggage and nearly died when she got to her hotel room to unpack. Inside her suitcase, she allegedly found a TSA luggage inspection notice form inside.
On it, someone had written in pen, “GET YOUR FREAK ON, GIRL.”
- And I always thought those strange vibrations on planes where caused by the engines.
- Hey… at least she wasn’t trying to make her underwear explode!
- An unidentied airport employee identified the toy as a “French Tickler-Me-Elmo”.
- Big Al got a similar note when airport security agents found his battery-operated nose hair trimmer in his luggage.
TMZ reports that Linsday Lohan has agreed to pose naked for Playboy. Neither side would confirm or deny the story, but TMZ says Playboy offered her $750,000 months ago, but she demanded $1 million and Playboy refused. But now they’ve come back with an offer close enough to seal the deal. She reportedly started doing the shoot last weekend, which means she was alternating doing community service in the morgue with posing nude.
- A lot of men think Linsday posing nude should be considered “Community Service”!
- The real challenge for the photographer: Taking a picture of a part of her that we haven’t already seen a million times on the Internet.
- Well this solves Lindsay’s dilemna of what picture to send out in her Christmas cards!
Jon Lovett, a former standup comic turned Obama speechwriter, is back in showbiz and has just sold a sitcom pilot to NBC that’s set in the White House.
“1600 Penn” is described as the story of “a dysfunctional family that just happnes to live at the most famous address in America”.
- He pitched a similar show during the Clinton administration, but the only Channel interested was Cinemax.
- The show also features the First Couples’ wacky friends, “Fred and Ethel Biden”.
On this day in 1881, artist Pablo Picasso was born.
- His father said, “Look honey, he’s got your nose and my eyes… on the same side of his face!”
Have a great day and don’t forget to check out our latest Podcast (#15) with special guest stars Wendell Ledbetter and The Story Lady! — Plus a special announcement about something coming your way in just a few weeks in time for the Holidays!
See you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Good news! We’re still here! The world DIDN’T end on Friday as predicted (again) by minister Harold Camping. He and his family have gone into hiding and his daughter said, “We have been instructed not to speak to the media.” Meanwhile, we’ll keep an eye out for you when he makes his next prognostication!
The World didn’t end, but the unbeaten streak of the Wisconsin Badgers DID Saturday night in East Lansing! Congrats to the MSU Spartans for their great last-second victory in one the most dramatic plays in recent memory! Go Green!
Now that he’s gone, we’re learning more about Moammar Gadhafi. One example? Libyan authorites are trying to get back $200 Billion he stashed in secret banks accounts which made him by far the richest man in the world.
- What a shame! He worked so hard to make sure he’d have enough to be comfortable during his “golden years”.
Turns out he was also vain. A plastic surgeaon revealed that Gadhafi wanted to look younger but didn’t want a facelift, so in 1995 he had fat injected from his stomach into his face and hair plugs put in. But they didn’t take: Coroners said they tried to take a hair sample for DNA testing and it turned out his famous thick head of unruly hair - often compared to Phil Spector’s - was a toupee.
- He had $200 Billion and that was the best looking toupee he could come up with?
- The stylist who made that hair piece should be shot! No, wait… I think he was.
- Who knew Phil Spector and Moammar Gadafi had so much in common? They both had bad hair, and they both liked to kill people!
- In retrospect, he should have just gone with the facelift.
- Personally, I think he looked better dead than alive!
The Occupy Wall Street protestors are having a hard time keeping their leaderless collective model working. The Organizers put a two-hour-a-day limit on the loud drum circle and are taking half the money the musicians earn in tips. One angry drummer said they already have over $500,000 in donations, and griped, “They’re like the banks we’re protesting.”
- Except they haven’t handed out a single toaster oven.
- I remember a similar experiment that turned out the same way… it was called “Communism”.
Meanwhile, Zucotti Park has become a magnet for homeless people and theives who are helping themselves to the protesters’ stuff. One woman said, “If you’re going to come here and get our food, bedding and clothing…and get medical supplies for no charge, they need to give back. There’s a lot of takers here, and they feel entitled”.
- She wanted to say more, but it was her turn to go collect half of the drummers’ profits.
Justin Lew Harris of Nevada is facing misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct and coercion for allegedly carrying how own mother out of his wedding. the 35-year-old Harris 
was was in the middle of getting married when his mom began loudly objecting to the union. So her son ran down the aisle, picked her up and carried her out of the church. It caused such a disruption that he was arrested and jailed for two days.
- Where he met someone he liked even better than his fiance! Sometimes Mom is right!
- In her defense, don’t most wedding ceremonies include the words, “If anyone here objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace”? I guess mom just didn’t want to hold her peace!
- If every mother who objected to the girl her son was marrying actually stopped the wedding, they’re would be a lot more single guys roaming around.
Apparently 3D boobs aren’t enough to guarantee a blockbuster at the box office. Despite actress Mila Jojavich apppearing in a low cut corset in the new 3D version of “The Three Muskateers”, the movie made just $9 million dollars in it’s opening weekend. Meanwhile “Paranormal Activity” - a horror movie shot mostly on cell phones - raked in $54 million setting an all-time record for an October release.
- Apparently a lot of people wanted to “escape” by watching something less terrifying than the economy.
- The numbers are a little skewed… a third of the $9 million made by “The Three Muskateers” actually came from Charlie Sheen who paid to watch it over and over and over.
- I guess people realized that could spend hours watching a whole bunch of boobs for free by turning on C-Span.
On this date in 1846, nothing important happened.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday — and don’t forget to check out our latest Podcast (#15)!
-Dick
Happy “End of the World Day”! In case you haven’t heard, Harold Camping, the minister who predicted that we were all a goner last MAY 21st has changed that date to today! He claims it was a mathmatical error and that after going over his figures again, TODAY, OCTOBER 21st is actually the day!
So with the precious few hours left on this planet, we thought we’d address some of the more pressing things weighing on the minds of man and womankind alike. Like how the female star of the upcoming 3D version of “The Three Musketeers” let “the girls” (ie: her boobs) do her ‘acting’ for her.
We also take a look at the brighter side of the apolcalyse, including not having to repay the Chinese the money we owe them, and that it’s okay if the President’s Tele-Prompter is stolen again!
Enjoy… and on the off-chance that this guy’s wrong… I’ll see you back here Monday!
Purtan Podcast #15: Oct. 21, 2011 - The End Of The World… with special guest, “The Story Lady”!
News this morning that Moamaar Gahhafi has been captured - and killed - by Libya’s National Transition Council troops. The deposed dictator, who had been in hiding for months, was allegedly found cowering in a hole underground a building in his hometown of Sirte. Wearing a turban and one of his trademark khaki outfits, Gadhafi allegedly yelled “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!” But the troops apparently did, striking him in both legs and his head. Although it has not been independently verified by the US, Libyan opposition leaders claim he died of his wounds. There is also an extremely graphic photograph being shown on worldwide TV that appears to show a deceased Gadhafi.
The streets of Libya are flooded with people celebrating what appears to be the end of his tyrannical 42 year rule.
Yesterday in LA, Linsday Lohan was handcuffed and taken into custody after the Judge angily revoked her probation. Linsday’s attorney said, “Most people on probation don’t always do things perfectly.” But the judge sarcastically replied that Lindsay had gone to Europe instead of going to see her court ordered psychiatrist and had blown off her community service at a woman’s shelter because it “wasn’t fulfulling”. She set Linsdays’ bail at the max: $100,000. Luckily, LiLo had brought a bail bondsman with her to court who promptly bailed her out.
- Actually it was two guys… she hired them from “Two Bail Bondsmen and a Truckload of Money”.
- When they went to cuff her, Lindsay reached into her purse and said, “Use mine. The pink fur makes them so much more comfortable!”
- “Wasn’t fulfilling”… that was actually the nicest thing any reviewer said about Lindsay’s last movie.
As an indicator of just how bad the economy is, CNN pollsters asked Amercians to rate it. 47 percent said it’s “very poor”, 39 percent said “somewhat poor”, 13 percent said “somewhat good” and one percent had no opinion. But not one person said it was “very good”. If this is an accurate poll, that means not even the so-called “one percent” that includes billionaires think the economy is very good.
- They rate their own financial situation as “very, very good”… but the economy, not so much.
- Proving that Donald Trump is a “Swarovski Cut-Crystal Glass Is Half Full” kind of guy.
- The one percent who had “no opinion” are so poor they can’t afford a TV to see coverage of just how bad the economy is.
Christian broadcaster Harold Camping, who incorrrectly predicted the end of the world last May, now claims that a “spiritual judgment” occured in May, and that the physical destruction of Earth is actually coming tomorrow.
- So we all only get to live one day longer that Moamaar Ghadafi? What a rip-off!
- This means we’ll never get the answer to one of life’s biggest questions: Who’s gonna win the coveted Mirror Ball on this season of DWTS?
- Well I guess I won’t be going to Costco for that palate of Paper Towels and five gallon bottle of Ketchup this afternoon!
An unnamed woman in New Zealand is charged with misusing a phone after she alledgedy tried an unusal method of getting her teenage daughter into two prestigious private schools. There was only one posisiton available at each school, and her daughter and another girl had applied for both. The woman admits that, posing as a nurse, she called the schools and told them that the other girl was a lesbian with an STD that needed treatment. No word on whether either girl was accepted.
- Apparently she thought the schools based their decisions on STD’s instead of SAT’s.
- The joke was on her when her daughter admitted that she was actually a lesbian with a Sexually Transmitted Disease!
- She even submitted a fake essay under the other girls name titled, “Who I Did On My Summer Vacation”.
Mila Jovavich stars in the upcoming remake of “The Three Musketeers,” and she might personally revive the 3D movie craze. She said that knowing it would be in 3D and that she would be wearing a tight, low-cut corset, she worked extra hard to look good. She said she ate a lot of pasta and cinched the corset to maximinze her cleavage and “let the girls do the acting for me”. Jovavich added, “I think the left one is more talented than the right.”
- Her “performance” was so impressive producers almost renamed the movie “The Two Musketeers”.
- I think we knew that “boobs” could act after the first Adam Sandler movie was released.
- The actors playing the Musketeers changed their famous themeline to “Two for All… and All for Two!”
On this day in 1944, Gen. Douglas MacArthur returned to the Phillipines, 2-1/2 years after he said thos famous words, “I shall return.”
- He actually had to return… on his first trip he’d gotten talked into buying a time-share.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with our brank-spanking new Podcast!
-Dick
America dodged a catastrophe Monday when a Defense Department truck that was traveling with President Obama in Virginia was stolen. The truck contained the Presidential Seal, $200,000 in communications equipment and Obama’s famous TelePrompter. 
It’s the one he takes everywhere, and that’s even specially rigged to retract to the ground so TV cameras won’t catch it after speeches. The truck was later found abandoned in a Holiday Inn parking lot in Richmond.
- While it was missing, all US military personal worldwide were put on alert!
- The people from PETA are demanding to know what a harmless, endangered “Presidential Seal” was doing locked inside a truck!
- When asked how the President felt about the theft, White House staffers said he had “no comment”.
- It’s the biggest crisis at the White House since someone stole the “Bill Clinton Slept Here” sign.