Scott T. Shover of Carlisle, Pennsylvania, was arrested for allegedly opening packages of raw meat at a Walmart, eating it, then putting the empty foam trays back on the shelves. The meat was valued at $24.53, but he was charged with felony retail theft due to four prior convictions.
- His girlfriend said she wasn’t surprised as they met on eColi.com.
- Police said it was the first time they’ve arrested someone for eating raw meat. Apparently, it’s very rare.
Listen up guys: A survey of 10,000 members of the British dating site FreeDating.co.uk found that larger women and tall and skinny women are the most likely to have sex on the first date. In fact, the bigger they are, the more likely they are to “go all the way” on Date #1 - especially if they spend time in bars and like cars. Men mostly likely to do the deed are athletic, well-educated drinkers and smokers. And the most likely men to have sex on a first date? Married men.
- Two words: Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- If you’re a woman who has sex with a guy on the first date, you’re the least likely to end up married to him.
- Apparently Kirstie Alley is getting a lot more action that we thought.
- Married men on a dating website? Who knew?
The man who has been stalking Jessica Simpson for years, Marce William Burchell, has written a book about their non-relationship. It’s a 30 page self-published book called “The True Story: Jessica Ann Simpson’s 22 month long Attempt to Seduce A Married Man - Her Very Active Super-Secret Sex Life (Volume 1)”. Burchell, who sent Simpson puppies when her dog went missing and challenged her fiance to a marathon for the right to marry her, says he didn’t write it to hurt her. He claims he penned the “book” to help him heal emotionally from the “severe trauma and pain she put me through by her heartless cruel treatment of me.” 
You can get your copy from Amazon.com for just $29.99.
- The book was supposed to be 60 pages long, but after she announced that she’s going to have a breast reduction, he cut a whole section out.
- Jessica says she’s not going to read the book because she doesn’t know how to read.
- Between this tome and Kwame’s memoir, my book club is going to have to start meeting twice a week!
Christian songwriter Jose Principe is suing Blessing Recording Studios of Florida claiming they defamed him and ruined an album he paid them $5500 to produce. He says they released the CD without his consent and that someone inaccurately translated his Spanish song titles into English. Among the titles listed: “Because I Had A Hairy (BLEEP)”, “But It’s A Small One” and “It Hurt, But I Liked It”. 
Principe says it might be a practical joke, but it’s offensive and defamatory and has caused him emotional distress and hurt his career.
- Lady Gaga is now suing Principe for stealing all her upcoming song titles.
- A record company exec admited that it was a practical joke adding “But It’s A Small One”.
- Let’s just hope whoever did the translations never gets a job at the U.N.
On this day in 1987, the Sunday New York Times published the biggest newspaper edition in history. It was 1,612 pages long and weighed 12 pounds.
- That day the masthead read “All The News That’s Fit To Print… Plus Some Other Stuff We Decided To Throw In”.
Have a great day and don’t forget to click on any of the Marygrove Awnings ads on this page for a great end-of-season special! I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
How about the Tigers winning their 10th game in a row last night? That’s the first time that’s happened since the 1968 World Series team! They’re currently 85-62 and their magic number for clinching the division is down to six! Go Tigers!
And speaking of sports… check out the new special Nike “Pro-Combat” Spartans’ football uniforms that MSU will wear during the Michigan rivalry game on October 15th.
If you felt the earth move last night, it wasn’t another earthquake… it was Kwame Kilpatrick. His former dis-honor was in town for a book signing. Meanwhile, he gave his first “post prison” interview to the Detroit News. 
The Kwaminator said, “I not only proclaim my innocence, but the things that I’m accused of…are absolutely false. I’ve never accepted a bribe. I’ve never fixed a contract. I don’t even know how you would do that…”
- He added that he doesn’t even know how to text!
Kwame also said that he’s “never really had a relationship with anybody else like I had with the city of Detroit.”
- Christine Beatty said “That’s because he never took the city of Detroit out to dinner before screwing it over!”
Meanwhile… there was bad news for Kwame. One of his dis-honors former top aides Derrick Miller, pleaded guilty to a bribery and tax evasion charge yesterday in exchange for a reduced sentence, and that means he could testify against his former boss in Federal court. Kwame wouldn’t comment on Miller’s plea but said that he’d like to help Federal investigators ferret out corruption in Detroit.
- So I guess he plans on handing over his personal address and phone books.
Northwestern University reasearchers discovered that fatherhood makes men less manly. A study of men in the Phillipines found that those with higher testosterone levels were more likely to become fathers. 
But once the babies were born, their testoserone levels dropped. They say it shows that men are hardwired by evolution to have kids, then stay and help raise them. And the more the men do to help care for the kids, the farther their testoserone level drops.
- At this point Brad Pitt has absolutely no testosterone but a whole lotta estrogen!
- Apparently this rule about sticking around to help with the kids doesn’t apply to a large number of professional athletes.
Last night, the GOP held another Presidential debate, this time sponsored by CNN and the Tea Party Express. The limited response time forced candidates to reel off talking points at breakneck speed. So much so that when Mitt Romney said Rick Perry was dealt four aces as governor of Texas, the listen them - no income tax, low regulations, right to work law, oil in the ground and a republican legislatiure - nobody even noticed that that was five “aces”. 
- Romney said later that he always keeps an extra ace up his sleeve.
- Hey, we’re talking about Texas here where everything is bigger! Even the decks of cards!
- If Perry loses, he can always just have Texas secede, form their own country and become President!
“SpongeBob Squarepants” might not be good for small children’s brains. A University of Virginia professor showed 20 randomly chosen 4-year-olds a 9 min. “SpongeBob” cartoon, while other kids drew or watched a slow-paced PBS cartoon. Immediately afterward, the “SpongeBob” viewers did much worse on mental tests, 
had shorter attention spans and went for snacks much sooner than the other kids. Apparently age 4 is when the brain starts to develop self-control, and if just 9 min. of “SpongeBob” makes such a difference, a full 22 minute episode could be even more detrimental to young kids’ brains.
- To say nothing of the parents who completely lose their minds after watching the same episodes two thousand times. Same goes for “Dora the Explorer”, “Bob the Builder”, “Pokemon: Diamond and Pearl”, et al…
On this day in 1963, Mary Kay Ash founded her cosmetics company with nine friends gathered around her kitchen table in Dallas.
- So basically a “Dynasty” was created in “Dallas”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Fortunately, the 10th anniversary of 9/11 came and went peacefully - with no attacks as had been feared. The only bombs that exploded were the passes thrown by Michigan Quarterback Denard Robinson leading Michigan to a last second (actually two seconds!) thrilling 35-31 victory over Notre Dame, in one of the most exciting games in years. Go Blue! And hey… how ‘bout them Lions?!
Police in Montana charged 18-year-old David Sky Cantu with misdemeanor sexual assault and marijuana possession after he allegedly reached out and squeezed a female pedestrian’s breast as he rode past her on a bicycle. They were not swayed by his excuse: he told them he did it because he was “deperate and too much man.”
- If he was “too much man” maybe he should consult a plastic surgeon about a “reduction”!
- It was so much fun, he’s thinking of signing up for the next “Tour de France”.
- “Too much man”… also known as “The Arnold Schwarzenegger Defense”.
The Thai Spice restaurant in Adelaide, Australia, has been fined for turning away a blind customer because they thought his guide dog was gay. 
In 2009, a waiter misunderstood the man’s female companion, thinking she said he wanted to bring a “gay dog” into the eatery instead of a “guide dog”. The owner claims his staff honestly believed it was a regular mutt that had been “desexed to become a gay dog”. After two years, the restaurant has been ordered to pay the blind man $1400 (US) and write an apology letter.
- So Thai restaurants serve dog, they just won’t serve someone with one?
- They actually thought the dog was gay because when they said “shake” he gave them a really limp paw.
- The only eateries in the Far East where dogs are always welcome are in North Korea.
Doris Day’s “My Heart” debuted on the UK album charts as #9, making the 87-year-old music and film star the oldest person ever to score a top 10 album in Great Britain. The CD consists of unreleased tracks cut between 1951 and 1994 and personally chosen by Doris. It’s likely that is ranked so high because American fans had no choice but to buy it from Amazon.UK because no American record company would release it thinking it wouldn’t sell.
- This came as great news to Cher who has now extended her farewell tour for another 25 years.
- The record exec who made that decision obviously wasn’t “The Man Who Knew Too Much”.
- She dedicated her cover of “Like a Virgin” to the time she spent “dating” Rock Hudson.
The New York Post reports that 290-pound Martin Kessman of Nanuet, New York is suing White Castle because their booths aren’t big enough to accommodate his wide rear end. 
Kessman says that after he complained the booths were too uncomfortable, White Castle promised to change them and even showed him specs. But when two years passed with no changes, he sued under the Americans with Disabilites Act. He said, “I just want to sit down like a normal person.”
- He added that since they serve “sliders” he should be able to “slide” comfortably into the booth.
- He says he’d just use the drive-thru, but he enjoys the ambiance only the inside of a White Castle can provide.
- Kim Kardashian has filed a similar lawsuit against every restaurant in LA.
Cliff Robertson has died of natural causes one day after turning 88.
And Andy Whitfield, from the “Spartacus” series on Starz, passed away of non-Hodgkin lymphoma at the age of just 39.
On this day in 1966, “The Monkees” debuted on NBC, starring a four-member rock group picked from nearly 500 applicants in open auditions. Rejects included Paul Willaims and Steven Stills, but not, as falsely rumored, Charles Manson.
- Charles Manson, ofcourse, went on to form “The Manson Family Singers” and made a killing!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
On this, the 10 Anniversary of the horrific terrorist attacks on America, as we all relive that tragic day, I thought it appropriate to replay the address President Bush gave to Congress and the nation that evening. The next morning, we set his words to the stirring music from the movie “Glory”.
Let us never forget!
Hear it now…
President George W. Bush’s Address to the Nation - 9/11/2001
