Big News… we are rapidly approaching reaching the 5000 friend mark on Facebook! If you feel so inclined (and actually like us) it would be great if you’d go to our facebook page and “Like” us!
It’s easy to do and as an added incentive, we’ve decided to give the 5000th person… well… nothing. Sorry. We don’t have anything on hand at the moment —but know that you’ll have our gratitude! Thanks so much!
And now… on with the news!
An online company called StarvingEyes Advergaming is making Jimmy Hoffa Jr. look like “Mr. Nice”. They’ve posted a video game called “Tea Party Zombies Must Die.” It features zombie Tea Party Members (one in a tattered KKK robe) plus zombie versions of Republicans like Sarah Palin, 
Michele Bachman and Newt Gingrich. Fox News talkers Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck are also in the game. They have names like “Koch Whore Lobbyist Pig Zombie,” and players are encouraged to slaughter them in violent, bloody way with axes, Uzis and crowbars.
- Keith Olbermann alledgedly sprained his thumb before he even got through the first level!
- Finally… a return to civility in Politics!
- I can see it now: “Want to virtually dismember Sarah Palin? There’s an app for that!”
- Newt Gingrich was excited that anyone considered him important enough to actually be included in the game!
The NY Times reports that some social workers are concerned about the growing number of children being fathered by the most active donors to various sperm banks. One woman who started an online registry for children fathered by the same donor she used, has seen it grow to 150 half-siblings with more on the way.
She said “It’s wild when we see them together. They all look alike.”
- Doesn’t this sound like one of those black and white horror movies they made back in the 1950’s?
- Up until now this was only a problem in the NBA.
- A lot of the kids share similar traits with their “Donor Dad”… for example they’re REALLY good with their hands.
Meanwhile the lack of a nationwide info bank on donors has sparked worries among health professionals that children who live in the same area will fall in love and have kids, not realizing they’re half-brother and sister.
- They’ve named the Syndrome, “Regular Life In Kentucky”.
- And it’s a real drag for the Mom who ends up having to pay for both the wedding and the rehearsal dinner!
Celine Dion was the victim of a burglary this week when a 36-tear-old man allegedly stole the keys from her husbands car and used them to break into their Montreal mansion. He tripped the alarm and police arrived to find that he’d helped himself to some pastries and was drawing himself a warm bath.
Cops say when they showed up, her was coming down Dion’s big staircase asking, “Hey, guys, what are you doing here?” They arrested him on the spot.
- Celine said she feels “violated” but that her heart will go on.
- If only he’d had time to take that bath he could have made a clean getaway!
- Cops say the man was carrying a rubber duckie, an ice cube and a mini-replica of the Titanic.
- Being “French” Canadian, the suspect surrendered immediately.
A new study from Britain’s Office for National Statistics has found a correlation betweeen people’s birth months and their occupations, intelligence and likelihood of certain diseases. It could have something to do with the varying amounts of Vitamin D from sunlight that expectant mothers get. According to the study, babies born in December are more likely to become dentists, January babies are more likely to become debt collectors, and February babies to be artists.
- Of course January babies become debt collectors! There are all those outstanding credit card charges from Christmas!
- I would think babies born in February would go into math… they have to keep dealing with that whole “leap year” thing.
- April babies work for the IRS, June babies get married a lot and October babies like to dress up in weird costumes and collect candy from strangers.
On this day in 1931, the American Sunbathing Association, now known as the American Association for Nude Recreation, was founded.
- A minute later, the first Volleyball game broke out.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
President Obama’s Labor Day speech about jobs here in Detroit yesterday was overshadowed by his opening act. Teamster President Jimmy Hoffa Jr., son of the late Jimmy Hoffa, caused quite a stir when he ranted that “working people” of Michigan and America were going to war against the Tea Party, that “they got a war with us, and there’s only going to be one winner. President Obama, this is your army. We are ready to march. Let’s take these sons of bitches out…”
- So now we know who “took out” Jimmy Hoffa! It was his own son!
- The last people who went to war against a bunch of Tea Partiers were the British and that didn’t work out too well.
- Most of the union members missed the comments as they were on their scheduled break.
Meanwhile, the White House says that President Obama was not on stage during Hoffa’s speech and didn’t hear his comments.
- Obama wasn’t even sure which guy Jimmy Hoffa Jr. was until someone told him, “Look for the Union Label!”
The Broadway actors who play Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons in the show “Jersey Boys” are set to release a Christmas album called “A Jersey Christmas,” produced by Four Seasons co-founder Bob Gaudio. This marks the first time that a Broadway show cast has released a holiday album.
- The first single will be “Big Girls Don’t Cry… When Grandma Gets Run Over By A Reindeer”.
Jessica Simpson has reportedly announced that just prior to her marriage to former NFL player Eric Johnson she will undergo a breast reduction.
- When Johnson heard the news he said “Say what?!”
A special election will be held on the 13th of this month in New York to fill the Congressional seat left vacant by Anthony Weiner. Weiner, of course, resigned over the whole “naked-picture-tweeting” scandal earlier this year.
- From the pictures that went public, it looked like Weiner left some pretty big shoes to fill.
- There are no women running for his seat. In fact, most women end up running from his seat!
- When it comes down to it, aren’t most politicians “Weiners”?
Police in Texas were called to a Wal-Mart where Paula Rose Senn was accused of causing a disturbance. They arrested her on outstanding warrants and hauled her off to the hooscow. While she was changing into jail clothing, a guard noticed her trying to hide something in the back of her pants. A search revealed that Senn had hidden a stolen check between her buttocks. Senn admitted she hid the check so it couldn’t be held against her.
- Oh it was held against her… and now nobody wants to touch it.
- Police said it was a “hot check” but actually it was only about 98.6 degrees.
- Call me crazy, but I usually deposit my checks in the bank.
- If Kim Kardashian ever tries this, the check is sure to “bounce”.
Chemists at Tufts University say they’ve created an electric-driven motor that’s the size of a single molecule. It would take 60,000 of these engines to equal the width of one human hair.
- Now they’re frantically working on creating a dip-stick tiny enough to check the engine’s oil.
- The trouble is, you have to use the Hubble telescope when you want to “take a look under the hood”.
On this day in 1927, the Harlem Globetrotters were founded.
- And now all the original members are so old they just sit around all day dribbling.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Happy Labor Day Weekend! On this week’s Podcast Jackie and I welcome Big Al back after a brief hiatus. (Despite rumors to the contrary, he wasn’t off auditioning for the upcoming season of “Survivor: Zug Island”).
We also enjoy a surprise visit from “The Queen” and we discuss the exciting new scientific research into the manufature of bio-fuel using Panda Poop. (True!) Also in the mix… a new study confirming the heart health advantages of chocolate and an in-depth discussion about a very “painful” injury suffered by Al!
Just click, and as they say at your local eatery… “Enjoy!”
Purtan Podcast #7 (23 min. 25 sec.)
Dick enjoying the weather and a good book under his Marygrove Awning!
Yesterday, the President played chicken with House Speaker John Boehner and lost. Obama asked for prime time TV and a joint session of Congress next Wednesday, Sept. 7th, to unveil his jobs plan. That’s the same night as a long-scheduled GOP Presidential debate. Aides said the Prez’s schedule was too tight and that NBC could just reschedule the debate. The fight raged all day with Boehner asking the President to speak another time. At the end of the day, Obama caved and agreed to speak on the next night, September 8th, which coincidentally will put him opposite the first NFL game of the season.
- To make the speech more enticing to football fans, Obama and Joe Biden have announced they’ll pat each other on the butt when it’s over.
- Word is, Obama will also use a “tele-strator” to help us understand his plan for new jobs.
- It’s kind of ironic, since this speech is sort of a “Hail Mary” in terms of getting the country to believe we can actually get back to work.
Police in Ohio arrested Edwin Tobergta after he was reportedly spotted in an alley having sexual relations with an inflatable raft. The raft’s owner saw him and called the cops. This was Tobergta’s fifth arrest on similar offenses, including having sex with a giant Halloween deocrative pumpkin. He told the cops he has a problem, needs help and begged them not to send him to prison. His family claims he has ADD.
- He has ADD and the whole reason he has sex with rafts is to avoid getting an STD!
- Who among us hasn’t had “relations” with someone they call “Pumpkin”?
- This is nothing… He tried joining the Mile High Club once using the planes inflatable slide!
Hong Kong-based Cathay Pacific Airlines had to postpone the launch of a new ad campaign after the media published photos allegedly showing one of their pilots and a flight attendant joining the Mile High Club in the cockpit of a Cathay Pacific jet. The two were fired, but officials decided the “timing doesn’t suit” to roll out the new ad campaign now. It’s built around the slogan,”Meet the team that goes the extra mile.”
- They’ve decided to go with a new slogan: “Our pilots love to undo their fly’s… and it shows!”
- No wonder it takes the flight attendants so long to show up when you hit the call button.
- So even the pilot has his “tray table” in it’s full and upright position!
Donna Simpson of Ohio, who weighted 600 pounds and kept stuffing herself to break the record for “World’s Heaviest Mother” announced that she’s gone on a diet after her chubby chaser boyfriend broke up with her. Her $20-a-month website that chronicled her weight gain has been shut down and will be replaced with a weight loss blog. Simpson says she knows some of her fans will be disappointed, but she’s already lost 60 pounds on the way to her target weight of 375.
- To help pay for her diet foods, her kids have realeased a new song: “She Ain’t Heavy… She’s My Mother”.
- Her boyfriend said he was okay with 595 pounds… but at 600 he thought she’d really let herself go.
- BTW… “The World’s Heaviest Mom” title is also known as “The World’s Most Embarrassed Kids”.
- If it’s true that “You are what you eat”, does this mean she’s less of a person now?
Access Hollywood reports that Tuesday aternoon, Justin Bieber was driving his Ferrari in Los Angeles when he was involved in a collision with a Honda Civic. There were no injuries or serious damage.
- At his age, shouldn’t Justin Bieber be the one driving the Honda Civic?
On this day in 1985, the wreck of the Titanic was found 13,000 feet under the surface of the Atlantic Ocean.
- And on this day in 1997 Celine Dion wrecked a lot of men’s eardrums by releasing the “Titanic” theme song.
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Congratulations to the following charities for winning the big cash prizes in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Based on the votes casts over the last two months, the top three winners are:
$10,000 - to “Paws For Life, Rescue & Adoption”
$5,000 - to “Cass Community Social Services”
$3,000 - to “Friends For The Dearborn Animal Shelter”
For a complete list of winners, click on any one of the Suburban Collection ads on our website! Thanks to the Suburban Collection for their continued support of so many worthwhile causes in Southeast Michigan!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow for PODCAST #7!
-Dick