A Weather Channel remote from Virginia Beach became a viral hit when several young men danced behind reporter Eric Fisher on live TV, and one pulled down his shorts and flashed the camera.
- And much like the storm, the front wasn’t nearly as big as some had thought.
- This isn’t the first time a weatherman has been seen on TV along with a Doppler.
After two years, an Illinios appeals court threw out a lawsuit by grown siblings Steven and Kathryn Miner against their mother, Kimberly. They wanted $50,000 in damages for “bad mothering”. They were raised in a $1.5 million mansion, but sued thier mom for such transgressions as not sending care packages to the son in college, failing to buy them toys they wanted, calling the daughter at midnight to tell her to come home from a homecoming party, and giving the son a birthday card he didn’t like and that didn’t include a check or cash.
- The appeals court also gave Steven and Kathryn a “Time Out” to think about what they’d done.
- If I were the mother, I’d counter sue them for “bad childering”.
- I’d love to be a fly on a wall come this Thanksgiving!
A poll by a dating website in Sweden named doctors as the sexiest professionals. Both men and women chose doctors as the sexiest. 
Men said nurses were the second-sexiest, while women picked cooks second, and teachers third. A website “love coach” said people find it sexy to take care of others. But a spokeman for a doctors’ association credited TV shows that make being a doctor look more glamorous than it really is.
- The exception to the sexy-doctor rule? Podiatrists and Proctologists.
- When the Dental Association heard they weren’t in the top ten, the dentists were really down in the mouth.
- Women find cooks sexy? This explains why when I was growing up my mother was always saying to my Dad, “Why can’t you be more like Chef Boyardee?”
If you didn’t catch Sunday nights MTV music video awards… then you’re just like me. But I’ve seen the highlights: First, Beyonce announced on the red carpet that she’s pregnant; 
Katy Perry accepted the Video of the Year Award wearing what looked like a giant block of American cheese on her head; and Lady Gaga spent the entire night in character as “Jo Calderone”, her male alter ego who is a foul-mouthed New Jersey guy with no talent.
- In other words, Lady Gaga went as half the cast of “Jersey Shore”.
- What happened to the good old days - like last year - when Gaga showed up wearing a dress made out of raw meat?
In other music related news, singer Tom Jones denied a rumor that a heart problem caused him to cancel a show in Monte Carlo. He blamed it on “severe dehydration”.
- Regardless of the cause, thousands of women in Monte Carlo where left holding pairs of Depends with no one to throw them at!
On this day in 1893, Whitcomb Judson patented the “clasp-locker,” the earliest form of the zipper.
- And just one day later, he became the first man in history to accidentally get his “little Judson” caught in the device.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Hope you’re enjoying the weekend (the last one in August!) In our latest Podcast we welcome Jim Ochs — the voice on my radio show of Casey Kasem, my agent Sol, and Soupy Sales’ favorite dog, White Fang! Speaking of dogs, we talk about a new scientific study concerning canine poop in the air over Detroit. (Honest!) Also…in honor of the first place Tigers, Jim sings (if you can call it that) his new musical tribute to our “boys of summer” and spins a former theme song of mine off an actual 45 rpm record! After you listen to the podcast - don’t miss a special treat: one of the great Soupy Sales’ jokes delivered as only he could on my show!
Purtan Podcast #6 (15 min. 2 sec.)
Soupy Sales & Fun At The Bakery (:51 sec)
P.S. Given all the brouhaha over the woodpecker that has recently been trying to destroy my house, one of my listeners happened upon this sign while traveling up north and sent this picture of it to me. No wonder they can’t find the Ark… it must have sunk!
A jury in Kentucky rejected a truck driver’s $16 million lawsuit against his surgeon for amputating part of his penis without his permission 
The doctor was performing a circumcision operation when he spotted what he thought was potential cancer and made the cuts. The patient claimed it wasn’t an emergency and he should have been consulted after he woke up. But a majority of jurors sided against him. It was a six-man, six-woman jury.
- So even though he wasn’t on trial, the patient was basically sentenced to “2-1/2 for life”.
- If he want’s to appeal, now he has to go to Small Claims Court.
- The doctor defended his actions saying, “It wasn’t brain surgery!” Then again…
- Surgery is like football: It’s a game of inches.
- $50 bucks says this guy will never again say to his barber “Just take a little off the top”.
- The man who did the surgery, a “Dr. Bounty” has a sign in his office reading “Select-A-Circum-Size”.
This week, the FDA approved a surprising new use for Botox: a treatment for leaky bladders. 
They say a Botox injection can relax the bladder, allowing it to store more urine and empty more easily. The effect lasts for up to nine months.
- The source of the news is “Willie-Leaks”.
- Plastic surgeons claim it will take years off the look of your bladder!
- So Botox will freeze your face, but relax you’re bladder? How do it know???
The price of Apple stock plummeted Wednesday after Steve Jobs announced that he is stepping down after 14 years as head of the company he co-founded in a garage. Jobs is a pancreatic cancer survivor, but it’s not clear whether he resigned due to health concerns or other reasons.
- The announcement was made in a brief memo to his staff reading “iQuit”.
22-year-old Clark James Gable of Los Angeles could face up to three years in prison for briefly blinding two cops in a police helicopter by allegedly aiming a laser pointer at it. Gable is the grandson of movie great, Clark Gable.
- If only the confederates had had Lasers during the Civil War! They might have won!
- Gable was so embarrassed about the stunt they say he turned Scarlett.
- Apparently the cops didn’t buy it when he said, “God as my witness… I’ll never blind a helicopter pilot with a laser again!”.
A survey of employers by Harris Interactive found that to land a job, it’s important to make your resume stand out from the crowd. For instance, use formatting to make it more readable and double-check for spelling errors. But don’t get too creative. Employers remembered — but did not hire — the applicant who listed moonwalking as a special skill, the one who listed his dog as his personal reference, and the one who claimed his time was so valuable that he insisted the interviewer pay him.
- Only list “Moonwalking” as a special skill if you’re applying to be an astronaut or a Michael Jackson impersonator.
- Don’t list your dog as a reference, but feel free to let him pour over your resume before you send it in.
- It’s also a bad idea to list your mother-in-law as a reference. Chances are good she’s not going to have anything nice to say about you.
Researchers believe they’ve discovered why other people look more attractive when you’re drunk. Scientists believe that humans find faces more attractive when the left and right sides match and are symetrical. They had test subjects drink while they looked at photos of the opposite sex and rated them both for symmetry and attractiveness. Turns out the drunker people were, the less able they were to detect symemetry and the less they cared about it. One unexpected finding: Drunk men were much better than drunken women at picking out asymmetrical faces.
- Thus the famous expression “I can drink her symetrical!”
- The real question is… how did they get the guys to actually look at the woman’s faces?
On this day in 1944, the French 2nd Armored Division “officially” liberated Paris from the Nazis after 4 long years.
- And on this day in 2009, Paris Hilton was liberated from a Hollywood jail after 4 long hours.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with our latest Podcast featuring yet another “Purtan’s Person” from the past!
-Dick
Tuesday, Washington D.C. was rocked by a rare earthquake that was felt up and down the east coast and even here in Michigan. There were early reports of possible damage to some of the national monuments, including fears that the Washington monument might be slightly tilted (It isn’t). It appears there was no overall widespread damage.
- Just to be sure… they buried some Viagra in the ground around the monument.
- At the Lincoln Memorial, Abe actually shifted a little bit in his seat… which was good! He’s been sitting still for so long his butt fell asleep in the 60’s.
- Turns out the quake was caused when Barney Frank fell during his weekly Pilates class.
- Democrat and Republican congressional leaders immediately blamed the quake on the other parties “irresponsible fiscal policies”.
- The earth hasn’t moved that much in Washington D.C. since Bill Clinton was in the Oval Office.
Moamaar Gadafi is still on the loose, even as rebel forces continue to ransack his now abandoned headquarters. 
Joyful Libyans were seen dancing on Moamaar’s prized statue of a golden fist crushing a US fighter jet.
- They also found a half-empty bottle of “Gee Your Hair Looks Horrific” shampoo.
- NATO forces have come up with a unique new way to find Gadhafi… They’ve started a huge game of “Marco Polo”.
Joe Biden is raising eyebrows for the second time this week. First he was criticized for a speech he gave in China in which he seemed to endorse their “One Child Per Family” Policy.
Now he’s under fire for swearing. After some media outlets claimed that Biden was in China to explain the U.S. Economic Policy, Biden said “I didn’t come to explain a damn thing!”
- Of course not! How can he explain something he doesn’t understand? Who does???
- Biden’s mother says in retrospect she wishes the US had a “No Child Policy” when she was trying to get pregnant with Joe.
The Oxford English Dictionary just updated it’s list of “real words”, adding 1800 new terms. Among them: “auto-complete”, “brain candy,” “green fuel,” and “gender reassignment”. Meanwhile the Scottish publishers of Collins Dictionary just announced that obsolete words would be omitted from future editions. Terms being dumped include “rundlet” (a measurement equal to 15 gallons), “Kench” (to laugh loudly), and “brabble”, which is an argument over something unimportant.
- When I heard they were dropping “rundlet” I couldn’t stop “Kenching!”.
- If they want to drop “obsolete” words they should have included “Balanced Budget”.
Otto C. NcNab Jr. of Pennsylvania is facing major charges afer he allegedly told a bank teller he had a bomb and fled with $2,262. 
He returned to his vehicle where his girlfriend was waiting. But she wasn’t aware that he’d planned to rob a bank. She began yelling at him until he went back into the bank, returned the money, then drove away. He was later arrested by police who said he was cooperative and didn’t put up a struggle.
- Ironically, he stole the money to pay for his girlfriend’s “Anger Management” classes.
- One word: Whipped!
- Wait until he tells the guys in prison the reason he gave the money back!
On this day in 1853, in Saratoga Springs, New York, chef George Crum accidentally invented potato chips by leaving some potatos in a fryer too long.
- After his death, his life was documented in the movie “Goodbye, Mr. Chips”.
Just a reminder… Today is the last day to cast your vote in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Ten local charities will share a total of $25,000! Make your vote count by clicking on any one of their ads on this website.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
New York City prosecutors asked a judge to drop sexual assault charges against former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn. They’re afraid that lies his hotel maid accuser told about her background would turn the jury against her. Also, they had trouble finding DNA evidence in Khan’s $3000 a night luxury hotel room. They did find, um, DNA from 4 unknown men on the carpet and wallpaper, but none of it matched Khan.
- They wouldn’t even have found those samples if Khan had let the maid clean the room before he assaulted her!
- At $3000 a night I hope that in addition to the DNA, you also get a mint on your pillow.
- The Hotel’s new slogan is: “We’ll Leave The Light On… And Some DNA Lyin’ Around… For Ya!”