His Woofer and Tweeter Aren't Real Either...

Saturday in Chicago, a local 27-year-old, Justin Howard, won the U.S. national air guitar championship. Howard performs under the name “Nordic Thunder,” and he’s a four-time winner of the Chicago regional championship for jumping around and pantomiming playing a rock guitar. He will travel to Finland next month to face competitors from 20 other countries in the Air Guitar World Championships.  

- He was thrilled to win, but is worried about all the extra baggage fees he’s going to have to pay the airline for all his imaginary guitars!

- The crowd went wild when he smashed his non-existant guitar into the stage and then leapt into an imaginary mosh pit!

- Just like real rock stars he’s got a beautiful girlfriend… Of course his is a blow-up doll.

Ugly Pole Dancers? I "Kid" You Not!

Kid Rock is known for surrounding himself on stage with pole dancers, but he’s having a problem with quality control.  Kid told Rolling Stone that he tells venue bosses to invite the best and most beautiful local strip club talent, but some nights, he’s shocked when he sees the dancers up close.  He said, “We need to devise a better system…” because on certain nights, “it’s pretty (BLEEPING) shaky.”

- Lawrence Welk once ran into the same problem and switched to the bubble machine instead. 

- The dancers said they weren’t too thrilled when they saw Kid Rock up close either! 

Happy Birthday!

Mick Jagger turns 68 today!

- So Happy Birthday to a great rocker!  And we’re not just paying lip-service!  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Hello, Goodbye, Hello!

First of all, thanks for the incredible response that I received to last Friday’s very first Podcast!  It was great fun to do… If you didn’t get a chance to hear it, just click on http://www.dickpurtan.com/blog​/2011/7/22/here-we-go-our-firs​t-podcast.html …. And look for our next one this Friday, July 29th! 

During my pre-podcast days on the radio, the one group’s music that I undoubtably played more than any other was The Beatles.  Paul McCartney played a packed house at Comerica Park last night with concert goers paying hundreds - even thousands - of dollars to see the guy the girls all called  “The Cute One”.  Back in 1964, when I put up the money (with the help of 4 other fellow D.J.’s) to bring John, Paul, George and Ringo to Cincinnati during their first concert tour of America, believe it or not, the top ticket price was $5.50!  At those prices, we weren’t worrying about a debt crisis back then!

Astronauts Put The "P" In "Houston We Have A Problem"...

The crew members of Atlantis are being hailed as heroes for manning the last-ever space shuttle mission.  But they’d probably prefer that people don’t discuss the purpose of the mission:  They were testing a self-contained water-filtration system called the Forward Osmosis Bag, or FOB, to see how it worked in zero gravity.  The FOB is designed to help future astronauts on long missions to other planets to recycle their urine into a drinkable liquid, similar to Gatorade. 

- The people most upset by this news?  Winning football coaches!  

- Makes you wonder what “ingredients” they used to make the old “Space Food Sticks” they sold in the ‘70’s. 

-One of astronauts said, ” That’s one small step for man… one giant leak for mankind!”

From The Horrific To The Not-So-Terrific

Two upsetting stories out of Scandanavia this weekend… First the horrendous shooting and killing of 92 people at a political youth camp for the liberal party of Norway by a rightwing nut.  And a 32-year-old man in Sweden was questioned by police after doing yoga on a public beach wearing only a thong.  

- While it certainly doesn’t come up to the level of the Oslo story, it’s still pretty disturbing! 

Practice Safe Crime: Always Use A Condiment!

Police in Vienna, Austria, are investigating the theft of a semi-trailer that was loaded with 21 tons of mustard and ketchup. They suspect the thieves were more interested in the trailer than the condiments.  

- An anonymous Austrian tipster called in the alleged name and age of one of the suspects:  “Heinz, 57”

- Don’t you just relish these kind of stories? 

- Police are asking residents to be on the look-out for anyone holding a really, really big BBQ in their backyard! 

Paris Springs During Summer...

Paris Hilton got, like, totally mad during an interview with ABC’s Dan Harris at her L.A. mansion.  When Harris brought up the low ratings of her latest reality show, “The World According To Paris” and suggested that perhaps the public is now more fascinated with Kim Kardashian, things took a turn for the worse. But the final blow came when he asked, “Do you worry about your moment being past?”.  Paris stormed off the set and had to be coaxed back by ABC staffers and her publicist.  

- Why oh why didn’t they just let her go?  

- I think in a popularity contest between Paris and Kim, Miss Kardashian is always going to bring up the rear!  

- Before storming out, Paris did tell the interviewer that she was like, so, totally honored that a country like France would name a city after her! 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1962, the US House passed a bill guaranteeing equal pay regardless of sex. 

- Hey ladies… How’s that workin’ out for ya?  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!  

-Dick

Here We Go! Our First Podcast!

Well today’s the day!  My first Podcast.  Jackie and Big Al join me to sit around and shoot the breeze! And let’s face it, the breeze needs to be shot because it’s hotter than hell!  Stay cool and I hope you enjoy our first leap into cyber-casting!

My First Podcast 11 minutes 24 seconds 

-Dick

P.S. My web guy tells me you can subscribe to this feed in iTunes or your favorite podcast player to get all of our future podcasts. 

My First Podcast

Big Day Yesterday and Another Big Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, Friday,  we’ll be airing our very first “Podcast” here at dickpurtan.com, something that millions… okay thousands… well, okay… one or two of you have been asking for since I left the airwaves.  But seriously dear readers, soon to be listeners, I’ve received a lot of requests for us to “podcast” ever since we started the website and we’re finally ready to give it a go! Hope you “tune-in” right here tomorrow!  

My plan is to do our regular print format Monday through Thursday as we have been - and then turn Friday’s entry into a podcast.  Hope you’ll join us tomorrow as we begin this new venture! 

#####

Photo Courtesy of Jill PurtanIn the meantime, yesterday was a big day for me as the Detroit Historical Museum started a new Detroit tradition by capturing the handprints of Detroit “Legends” (and me) in cement.  I was very pleased to be included in the very first group honored.  My fellow “inductees” were Al Kaline, Elmore Leonard, Carmen Harlan & Dave Bing.  It was a great event despite the 90-some degree heat (we were outside!).  The handprints will be permanently placed along the entranceway to the Museum.  Next year they will announce the second set of inductees.  Below are some pictures from the event.  

Elmore Leonard, Yours Truly, Carmen Harlan, Dave Bing & Al Kaline. Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

 Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Tim Pamplin

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

My daughter (and our photographer!), Jill, me and my wife Gail!

Have a great day and LISTEN back here tomorrow, Friday, for our first Podcast! 

-Dick

He May Get His Just Desserts... But Thanks To His Wife, It Won't Be Pie!

The British Parliamentary hearings into the “News Of The World” hacking scandal took a Soupy-Sales-esque turn yesterday.  While the 80-year-old owner of the paper, media mogul Rupert Murdoch sat for questions, a would-be comedian and leftwing activist knows as Jonnie Marbles ran in the courtroom and tried to hit him with a shaving cream pie. But Murdoch’s 42-year-old Chinese wife, Wendi Deng spotted him, leapt up, slapped him with a left hook and shoved the pie back at him.  She is now known on the internet as “Charlie’s Angel”. 

- Now I understand the British expression, “Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed”.  

- She may be a “Charlie’s Angel” but in looking at a picture of Ms. Deng… she sure doesn’t look like Jacklyn Smith!

- Wendi has already been signed to star in a new reality show “When Would-Be Comedians Attack!”

Bill Gates Fortune Goes Down The Toilet?

After revolutionizing computers, Bill Gates in now seeking to revolutionize toilets.  A spokeswoman for his Foundation says nothing has done more to save lives and improve health that the toilet, but it’s reached only a third of the world, uses too much water and requires sewers.  So Gates is putting up $41 million to fund “reinventing the toilet”.  One idea for the project called, “Toilet 2.0” is creating a potty that turns human waste into fuel, fertilizer or drinking water. 

- It’s a good thing Gates is “flush” or he couldn’t afford a project like this. 

- Each toilet with be placed in a bathroom with a free “Window”. 

- If the toilet gets clogged, you just make a call and a guy in India guides you through the plunging process. 

- Depending on your needs, you can flip a switch and turn the toilet from a “2.0” to a “1.0”

- Apple is jumping into game… and has announced that it will soon be releasing the “iPeed”.

Some Dishes To Die For!

The Center for Science in the Public Interest released their annual Xtreme Eating Awards for the the worst restaurant menu items of 2011.  Among them:  the IHOP Monster Bacon and Beef Cheeseburger, which has a day’s worth of calories and sodium, and two day’s worth of saturated fat.  

- If you want be healthy just do what I do and order it without the cheese!

Speaking of cheese… also on the list was Denny’s Grilled Cheese Sandwich that’s stuffed with four fried mozzarella sticks.  

- Back in the days when restaurants had a smoking section, I used to sit there when I went to Denny’s even though I don’t smoke - just to kill the taste of the food! 

The Hardest Part Is Finding A Bra That Fits...

Doctors writing in the journal Dermatology Online report discovering a bizarre case of a 22 year-old girl with a perfectly formed nipple on the bottom of her left foot.  They say that up to 5% of the population have superfluous nipples, but they’re usually found higher on the body.  This is the first nipple they’ve ever found on a foot.

- She is the only woman in the world who buys her socks at Victoria Secret. 

- When she has children, she plans on foot-feeding them. 

- She wears a size seven shoe… except during the winter, when she wears a size eight because of “Protrudege”.

- No wonder all of her dates want to play “footsie” with her under the table!  

Jiminy Cricket! She Fed Them WHAT???

Angelina Jolie says she doesn’t want her adopted children from Third World countries to be turned off by their cultures, so she gave her sons Maddox, 9 and Pax, 7,some crickets to eat.  She said, “They ate them like Doritos, and they wouldn’t stop.  I actually had to ban the cricket eating at a certain point because I was afraid they were going to get sick from eating too many.” Jolie added that she’s tried the crickets herself, and “They’re good. They’re like a potato chip”. 

- Her kids really went crazy for the “Cool Ranch Crickets”.

- They loved them so much they kept licking their lips and rubbing their legs together.  

- It’s a good thing none of her kids are from North Korea or it would be good luck to the family dog!  

- If I was Angelina Jolie’s kid, I’d eat anything she put in front of me!  

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1969, Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin became the first and second men to walk on the moon.  Armstrong said it was “one small step for (a) man, one giant leap for mankind.”

- And Buzz Aldrin said, “Damn! I knew I should have picked tails!” 

Just a reminder… The deadline is fast approaching for you to nominate your favorite local charity to receive money in The Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway” with $25,000 to be awarded. I’ve been buying my cars from The Suburban Collection for years and am happy to be teaming up with my good friend Dave Fischer on this terrific project.  Just click on any of their ads on this website for details and good luck!  

Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

The End Of The Red & White Brick Road For "The Oz"

Good luck to 38 year-old Chris Osgood on his retirement as Red Wings Goalie!  He has been a member of three Stanley Cup Red Wing teams, two of them as the starting goal tender and is one of only 10 NHL goalies to have more than 400 victories.  He’ll stay will the organization — helping in the development of the teams young goal tenders.  Do you think he belongs in the Hall of Fame?  Let us know on our Facebook page!  

Art Imitates Life?

Charlie Sheen is coming back to a television set near you… He’s inked a deal to star in a new sitcom called “Anger Management”, based on the Adam Sandler movie of the same name.  According to producers, Charlie will play “A mild mannered, not-confrontational man” who is ordered to attend classes with a therapist who has some anger issues of his own. Sheen says he “doesn’t relate to the subject matter” but likes the concept. 

- Well yeah.  How can a guy who calls his tour “My Violent Torpedo Of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option” possibly relate to anger management issues?  

- Of course in real life Charlie is seeing Two And A Half Therapists. 

- One corporate sponsor has already signed on:  Coke. 

Elin's Beau Had Tiger's Tail?

Just when Tiger Wood’s ex wife Elin Nordegrin thought things were turning around, her romantic life has landed in the rough again.  Elin was happily dating billionaire financier Jamie Dingman until she found out (via TMZ.com) that Dingman used to date Tiger’s alleged former lover, Rachel Uchitel, possibly at the same time Rachel was having a fling with Tiger.  

- If Elin wants to date someone who absolutely, possitively hasn’t slept with Rachel Uchitel I have two words for her:  Big Al. 

- What do you expect from a guy whose last name is “Dingman”?

- This just proves that you don’t have to be a golfer to have trouble with your putter.