Deja Vu: We're Now Back Looking For The Real Killer Or Killers!

Still reeling from the Casey Anthony verdict.  It’s like OJ all over again.  I am stunned by the fact that she could actually walk out of jail a free woman as early as tomorrow. The consensus of the legal pundits seems to be that the Prosecution aimed too high by asking for the death penalty.  

As for the defense, they threw everything but the kitchen sink into the pot to muddy the water.  The defense approved by Casey, suggested that her father was the real culprit - as he had allegedly sexually molested her (Casey) when she was 8 years old and then later tried to cover up baby Caylee’s “accidental” drowning.  Talk about throwing Daddy under the bus.

When the verdict was read, Casey’s parents, visibly stunned, left the courtroom immediately…  Then went home and wrote a statement issued to the public saying “The defense chosen by Casey Anthony was baseless” but the acquittal was “fair”.  Huh?  

So who killed Caylee? Maybe we should ask OJ.    

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On the lighter side, as promised, because this is a holiday week I am featuring some of my favorite cuts from our “Best Of” CD’s from my years on the radio.  What follows are two bits that I hope you will find amusing and are timely as one of them refers to the summer and the other, the 4th of July.   

Morey’s Camp Stories  1:09

Dick Dances at Home  3:24  (You’ll notice Big Al is using a slightly different voice in this bit - if memory serves, he’d just come back from a prostate exam!)

P.S. Once again, I am thrilled to welcome The Suburban Collection as our Charter Sponsor and encourage you to click on their ads on this page to nominate your favorite charity in their “Great Charity Giveaway”!  A total of $25,000 will be awarded! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here with more “Best Ofs” on Thursday! 

-Dick

Let The Fireworks Continue With "Blasts From The Past"! But First...

It’s a big day here at dickpurtan.com as I welcome our first and Charter Sponsor… 

The Suburban Collection! 

Due to the overwhelming loyalty of my listeners and now readers, The Suburban Collection, who advertised for many years on my show, decided they’d like to support my blog.  The owner Dave Fischer has been a friend of mine for years and I’m thrilled to partner with him on this venture!  

And so, starting today, as you navigate the website you will notice some ads here and there for what I consider the finest group of automobile dealerships in Metro Detroit.  (I’ve been buying my cars from The Suburban Collection for years!)

What makes the fit even better is that I can now tie-in with “The Suburban Collections’ Great Charity Giveaway” to benefit local charities that may not have the chance to get national attention and therefore, much needed funds. 

There is a lot of money involved in this… with a total of 10 Charities receiving thousand of dollars… and all you have to do is submit the name of a Charity that you believe is deserving!  

To do that and for more information and details, just click on the link below. And good luck!

Once again, I welcome dickpurtan.com’s first and Charter Sponsor…

The Suburban Collection! 

P.S.  This being the 4th of July week, a lot of people are taking a few days off.  Well so am I… sort of! Today through Friday I’ll be featuring some of my favorite cuts from our Best Of CD’s in the past. As every waiter/waitress says as they deliver your entree… “Enjoy!”

-Dick

 Mayor Coleman Young’s Idea To Make The Fireworks A Real Blast!

Happy Birthday America!!!

Happy 4th of July!  As you flip your burgers and steam your buns… please take a few minutes to enjoy some great versions of songs that Salute America on this our 235th Birthday!  

-Dick 

Flashback: How The MC5 And I Didn't Jive... A Memorable Record Hop!

I was looking through the paper this morning when I came across an article about the Detroit-based rock group, MC5.  You might remember them - they were huge back in the 60’s.  Apparently they’re embroiled in a lawsuit regarding a documentary that was made about the band and they need cash to get it released.  

It reminded me of a rather memorable run-in I had with them during the height of their success.  It was sometime in ‘68 or ‘69 and I had been hired to emcee a record hop at a Catholic High School on the East Side. (I forget which one). I would “spin the tunes”, then that night’s “featured act” the MC5 would come on stage and play a set.  We went back and forth this way as the kids danced (leaving room for Jesus between themselves and their partners of course, on the slow songs!). 

The dance was set to end at 11pm, and by about 10:55, because it was almost over, there were about 20 assorted nuns, a priest or two, and quite a few parents standing against the back wall waiting and watching.  

I was standing in the hallway just outside the gym when I heard the lead singer of the group yell into the microphone, “We’re gonna finish out the evening with one more song… It’s our biggest hit!”

Now, if you remember the MC5, you probably know what song he was referring to.  

Uh, oh!  

Before I could get to the stage, the band launched into the song, “Kick Out The Jams… Mother F——-er”.

Kids being kids, they started dancing and laughing, but the nuns faces went as white as the Priest’s collars, the Priests looked like they were about to meet their maker, and the parents… well, you can only imagine.  

I pushed my way through the packed crowd, gave the band the “wrap it up sign” and they did - ending the song prematurely.  

The band was mad.  But not as mad as I was.  I told them because of what they did, they weren’t getting paid. “What?” said one of the guys.  “All we sang was “Kick Out The Jams Mother Trucker!” I said, “You may have said ‘Trucker’ but that’s not what everyone in the crowd thought - especially the parents, priests and nuns.” So I told them again that they were’nt getting paid.  

(Come to think of it, this may have launched the whole rock-bands-smashing-their-guitars thing, but I digress).  

As everyone filed out of the gym, the Band packed up and I stuck to my guns about not paying them.  

For about 15 minutes. 

Not particularly anxious to get beat up in the parking lot by a rock band, I eventually gave them the cash.  

They went home.  I went home.  And that’s the end of the story. But it is one of the few of the hundreds and hundreds of record hops that I emceed that I vividly recall… at least the end of it! 

What a bunch of Mother Truckers!

-Dick

Chris "Crossed" By The National Enquirer!

Chris Hansen, the NBC anchor famous for snagging Internet pedophiles on the show “To Catch a Predator” has found himself in the center of an ironic scandal.  Hansen, 51, (who used to work here on Local 4) has allegedly been having an affair with Kristyn Caddell, a 30-year-old TV reporter from Florida.  He was caught in a sting organized by the National Enquirer having a romantic dinner with the woman in Palm Beach and spending the night at her place.  Hansen lives with his wife in Connecticut but has been spending time in Florida on a disappearance investigation. Sources say Hansen met Caddell when she was an intern at NBC and that “there was an immediate physical attraction between them”. 

- I’m not surprised that they went out to dinner… he spends so much time in the kitchen! 

- Hey… at least she’s over the age of 18.

- Hansen will star in a new series for NBC called, “To Catch an Philanderer”. 

They Grow Up So Fast... But Not THAT Fast!

This summer seems to be the season for political gaffe’s and Wednesday, President Obama made one of his own. At a press conference yesterday, he said of his daughters, “Mailia’s 13, Sasha’s 10”  Actually, Malia’s 12. Her 13th birthday isn’t until July 4th.  

- And Donald Trump immediately produced a copy of her birth certificate to prove it!

- Obama says he’s planning on taking her on a tour of “all 57 states” to celebrate.  

Diet Pop Goes To Waist!

A University of Texas study found that drinking diet pop does not help you lose weight.  They followed 474 people over 9 and 1/2 years and while everyone gained weight, diet soda pop drinkers’ waistlines increased a whopping 70% more than non-diet soda pop slurpers.  Those who drank two or more diet pops a day saw their waists expand at five times the rate of non-drinkers.  Researchers believe artificial sweetners may “trick the brain” and that people might be better off just drinking full-calorie pop in moderation instead.  

- Now all we have to do is teach every American the definition of the word “Moderation”. 

- The problem isn’t the diet pop you order, it’s the six words that usually follow it:  “Do You Want Fries With That?” 

- It’s true!  Fashion models are known to do regular “coke” all the time and they’re thin as rails! 

Is That A Caulking Gun In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

A British Male Nurse, Jeremy Luke Castle, is offering backstreet male genital enhancements with silicone for $180 (US) out of his apartment in London.  He uses medical grade silicone injected with a sterilized caulking gun to make male genitals bigger.  His cats run around the apartment while he does it, but notes, “I’m a trained nurse specialist”.  Amazingly, it’s not illegal in Britain, but can potentially cause death if silicone gets into a blood vessel.  Castle insists, “It’s not rocket science!”

- No, but it is “Pocket-Rocket Science!”

- I hope it’s not the same caulking gun he used to re-grout his bathroom tile.  

- This guys sounds like a real Do-It-Yourselfer… and when women find out what he does for a living, he’s going to be a Do-It-Yourselfer for a long, long time.  

- Ironically, it takes a big man to admit he’s got a small package.

- Anthony Weiner just booked a flight to London.

More Proof That Beans Can Be Explosive!

Earlier this week in Walla Walla, Washington, a 2 or 3 gallon container labedled “beans” aroused suspicion when it was found in the parking lot of Government building.  Fearing it could be a bomb, workers called police, who evacuated the building and brought in the bomb squad.  The contents were too dense to be X-rayed clearly, so they used a “disrupter” to blast a hole in the side of the can.  A lot of white beans spilled out of it.  

- Homeland Security says, “We narrowly avoided a terrorist gas attack”.  

- You know the famous terrorist expression… “Beans, beans the musical food… Don’t open the can if it’s sent by Mahmoud!” 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1870, Ada H. Kepley of Effingham, Illinios became American’s first female law school graduate.  

- Apparently she was not very good because one her clients referred to her as “one Effingham lousy lawyer!”

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

How To Be Fifty And Fabulous... Even If You're Dead!

Friday would have been Princess Diana’s 50th birthday, so Newsweek has created an issue imagining what she’d be like now if she had lived.  The PhotoShopped cover shows a digitally-aged Diana walking with Kate Middleton, the daughter-in-law she never met. The issue details her designer Facebook page and her Tweets to the Dalai Lama.  Imaginary Diana is also now friendly with Prince Charles, has an iPhone, and an apartment in NY.  

- Imaginary quotes from the Princess  include one about Camilla saying,  “I’m glad Charles was able to get back up on the horse after our divorce!”

- The Dalai Lama is on Twitter?  Next we’ll find out he has a Zen-ith TV! (A little Buddist humor there!)

- When Queen Elizabeth heard about the “fake issue” she fell off her throne… and hurt her hip on the Royal Plunger.   

Rocker Accuses Politician Of Being "Petty Thief"...

The first liberal musician of the political season is complaining about a conservative politician playing one of his hit songs at a campaign rally. Tom Petty is threatening to sue Michelle Bachmann for playing his hit “American Girl” at a stop in Iowa.  

- How Petty of him! 

- The legal process takes a long time and as Tom knows, “The Waiting Is The Hardest Part”.  

BTW… Click on the link below if you’d like to read an interesting (and surprising) article on John Lennon’s political views.  

Article

"Gee Your Hair Smells Convicted!"

Having been found guilty on 17 of 20 corruption counts, former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is facing a possible 300 years in prison.  But there is one bright spot… Prison officials say he can keep his famous swooping hairdo because it doesn’t appear to violate any prison rules.  Hair can be any style as long as it’s neat and clean. However, it might not stay completely brown because prisoners can’t have hair dye. 

- What?  Can’t they at least use “Just for Felons”?  

- If you can keep your hair in prison, how come every guy I see on “Lock Up” is bald?  

- Of course if he keeps his “do”, it could get in his eyes while he’s lifting weights in “the yard”.   

- How much you wanna bet he tries to trade Obama’s old senate seat for a pack of smokes?  

- Next week, Newsweek will release an issue on what Blago will look like 300 years from now when he gets out of the slammer.  

Weiner Relishes New Behind-The-Scenes- Roll

Anthony Weiner is reportedly upsetting some people by angling behind the scenes to influence the Democrats’ choice of a candidate to succeed him.

- He doesn’t just want a pretty face to replace him… but someone with “the complete package”.

What A Bunch Of Cry Babies!

Malaysia Airlines has become the first airline to ban babies from First Class. Parents of infants are complaining about discrimination, but the company says babies were undermining sales of premium airline seats.  They claim they received tons of complaints from First Class passengers who said they paid top dollar to sit in First Class, then couldn’t get any sleep because of crying babies.

- Wait ‘til they hear how loud the babies cry when they’re forced to sit in coach!

- At first the airline was going to require that the infants be stored in the overhead bins, but they were afraid they’d shift during flight.  

- Of course the babies were crying!  They were terrified the pilot was drunk.  

"The Battle Of The Bulge"

A Chinese company has a new summer product for men who like wearing Speedos but who dread the notorious “shrinkage” caused by swimming in cool waters.  It’s the “Male Size-Enhancing Speedo Bulge”, a lightweight, one-size-fit’s-all cup that fits snuggly inside a Speedo.  The device costs about $8 and comes with little “bra hooks” that attach to the suit, to make sure it doesn’t slip out of place. 

- That’s one “wardrobe malfunction” I don’t want to see! 

- And to think I just mastered the whole “bra hook” thing last week. 

- The company has reportedly hired a celebrity spokesperson:  Anthony Weiner. 

- Chinese men used to just put bananas in their Speedos, but they tended to “bunch up”. 

- In preparation for his summer holiday, Kim Jong Ill has already ordered a dozen.  

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1613, England’s Globe Theater burned down during a performance of Shakespeare’s “Henry VIII”.  

- The play was actually called, “Henry the VIII: The Musical” and starred a group of medieval court musicians known as “Herman’s Hermits”. 

- Critics panned the play saying, “Second verse… same as the first!”

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

No Shocks... Just Awe!

Last night the skies over the Detroit River lit up with the annual Freedom Festival Fireworks - telecast as usual on Channel 4.  I had the pleasure of co-emceeing the very first and second televised fireworks displays with Carmen Harlan back in 1982 and 1983.  On last night’s news, and also during the evenings festivities, the station showed a compilation piece of the fireworks coverage over the years - highlighting Carmen’s various chapeaus. If you don’t blink, you’ll see a few seconds of me from those early days at the very beginning of the piece.  Nice black stache, huh?  

Firework’s Flashback

Blago: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

Monday, former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of 17 of 20 counts in his retrial for corruption and blatant abuse of power.  The new jury found him guilty on all 11 counts of trying to sell Barack Obama’s old Senate seat and three counts of extortion for shaking down a racetrack exec and a children’s hospital.  Blago is the 4th Illinois governor of the past century to be convicted of federal charges and faces upwards of 20 years in the slammer. 

- Blago put the “I Lie” part in the “Fighting Illini”.

- If only he could have stacked the jury with the same dead people who voted him into office… 

- These are great days for MSNBC’s new series:  “Lock-Up:  The Governor’s Block”.  

- They’ve already slotted him in as “Blago: Prison Barber”.  

- The Governor that Blago followed is also serving time in jail… The two of them will make 10 cents an hour plus raise taxes on the other inmates.  

- He should have just gone with his original idea and put Obama’s Senate Seat on Craig’s List! 

Sorry, Charlie!

Amazingly, Charlie Sheen may live to see his own funeral.  Sources say the producers of “Two And A Half Men” have decided that the self-professed “Warlock” WILL NEVER return to the show, by killing off his character, “Charlie Harper” in next season’s first episode.  Rumor has it, Sheen’s character will drive his car off a cliff, something that has mysteriously happened to two of Charlie’s cars in real life. 

- But Charlie will stay with ABC, joining the cast of “General Hospital” playing his identical evil-twin! 

- Sheen immediately filed suit when he heard the story… to the tune of “Two And A Half Million Bucks”.  

- Charlie is going to have to change his catch phrase from “Winning!” to “Dying!”