Anthony Weiner is reportedly upsetting some people by angling behind the scenes to influence the Democrats’ choice of a candidate to succeed him.
- He doesn’t just want a pretty face to replace him… but someone with “the complete package”.
Malaysia Airlines has become the first airline to ban babies from First Class. Parents of infants are complaining about discrimination, but the company says babies were undermining sales of premium airline seats. They claim they received tons of complaints from First Class passengers who said they paid top dollar to sit in First Class, then couldn’t get any sleep because of crying babies.
- Wait ‘til they hear how loud the babies cry when they’re forced to sit in coach!
- At first the airline was going to require that the infants be stored in the overhead bins, but they were afraid they’d shift during flight.
- Of course the babies were crying! They were terrified the pilot was drunk.
A Chinese company has a new summer product for men who like wearing Speedos but who dread the notorious “shrinkage” caused by swimming in cool waters. It’s the “Male Size-Enhancing Speedo Bulge”, a lightweight, one-size-fit’s-all cup that fits snuggly inside a Speedo.
The device costs about $8 and comes with little “bra hooks” that attach to the suit, to make sure it doesn’t slip out of place.
- That’s one “wardrobe malfunction” I don’t want to see!
- And to think I just mastered the whole “bra hook” thing last week.
- The company has reportedly hired a celebrity spokesperson: Anthony Weiner.
- Chinese men used to just put bananas in their Speedos, but they tended to “bunch up”.
- In preparation for his summer holiday, Kim Jong Ill has already ordered a dozen.
On this day in 1613, England’s Globe Theater burned down during a performance of Shakespeare’s “Henry VIII”.
- The play was actually called, “Henry the VIII: The Musical” and starred a group of medieval court musicians known as “Herman’s Hermits”.
- Critics panned the play saying, “Second verse… same as the first!”
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Last night the skies over the Detroit River lit up with the annual Freedom Festival Fireworks - telecast as usual on Channel 4. I had the pleasure of co-emceeing the very first and second televised fireworks displays with Carmen Harlan back in 1982 and 1983. On last night’s news, and also during the evenings festivities, the station showed a compilation piece of the fireworks coverage over the years - highlighting Carmen’s various chapeaus. If you don’t blink, you’ll see a few seconds of me from those early days at the very beginning of the piece. Nice black stache, huh?
Monday, former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of 17 of 20 counts in his retrial for corruption and blatant abuse of power. The new jury found him guilty on all 11 counts of trying to sell Barack Obama’s old Senate seat and three counts of extortion for shaking down a racetrack exec and a children’s hospital. Blago is the 4th Illinois governor of the past century to be convicted of federal charges and faces upwards of 20 years in the slammer.
- Blago put the “I Lie” part in the “Fighting Illini”.
- If only he could have stacked the jury with the same dead people who voted him into office…
- These are great days for MSNBC’s new series: “Lock-Up: The Governor’s Block”.
- They’ve already slotted him in as “Blago: Prison Barber”.
- The Governor that Blago followed is also serving time in jail… The two of them will make 10 cents an hour plus raise taxes on the other inmates.
- He should have just gone with his original idea and put Obama’s Senate Seat on Craig’s List!
Amazingly, Charlie Sheen may live to see his own funeral. Sources say the producers of “Two And A Half Men” have decided that the self-professed “Warlock” WILL NEVER return to the show, by killing off his character, “Charlie Harper” in next season’s first episode. Rumor has it, Sheen’s character will drive his car off a cliff, something that has mysteriously happened to two of Charlie’s cars in real life.
- But Charlie will stay with ABC, joining the cast of “General Hospital” playing his identical evil-twin!
- Sheen immediately filed suit when he heard the story… to the tune of “Two And A Half Million Bucks”.
- Charlie is going to have to change his catch phrase from “Winning!” to “Dying!”
Not to rub salt in the wound, but Charlie Sheen has had to deal with the rumors of his TV characters “untimely” death alone. TMZ reports that his last remaining “Goddess” Natalie Kenly moved out of Sheen’s mansion last week. They report the actor DEMANDED that she return the Mercedes he bought her, then nursed his broken heart by declaring war on the whole world, “conquering” three women from three different countries, Mexico, Australia and Colombia the very night Kenly walked out.
- Hmmm… a girl from Colombia. I could be wrong but I heard they have a lot of Cocaine down there!
- Charlie Sheen is exactly like Hugh Hefner - except for the insanity part.
- The “Goddess” reportedly left after receiving a very special tweet from a “Mr. A. Weiner”.
Monday, the Supreme Court voted 7-2 to allow the sale of violent video games to children because it violates free speech. 
The two dissenters, Clarence Thomas and Stephen Breyer, said the ruling makes no sense because the court allows states to bar the sale of porn videos to kids. But they can only prevent them from virtually binding, torturing and killing a woman in a video game if she’s topless.
- Coming soon… a totally different version of the “Pokemon” series!
- So in the interest of protecting children, the Justices will only allow adults to play “Really, Really, Really, Angry Birds with No Tops On.”
- In line with their reasoning, a 6-year-old can play “Grand Theft Auto” as long as they’re not stealing cars with the top down!
The TSA is refuting accusations that they forced a frail, 95-year-old to get out of her wheelchair at a Florida airport for a full body search, including her adult diaper when they found a lump around her leg they couldn’t identify. Upon inspection, TSA agents found it “wet and firm”, then allowed the woman to board. Unfortunately, the woman didn’t have a spare, so the 95 year old had to fly “Diaperless”.
- The woman admitted she wasn’t that upset with the full-body inspection, saying she “hadn’t seen that much action since her huband died back in the 70’s”.
- Despite the lack of a diaper, she said the flight crew “pampered” her throughout the flight.
- So a 20 something man with a bomb in his underpants can make it on a flight from the Middle East to Detroit undetected, but a 95-year-old can’t fly out of Florida in a diaper? You’re government at work!
On this day in 1939, Pan Am’s “Dixie Clipper” began the first regular transatlantic flights between New York and Portugal. The flight took almost 24 hours, so the plane had a dining room, a bar, dressing rooms and a bridal suite.
- The bridal suite was there for people who had really hit it off after joining the mile-high club.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
U2 and Bono performed to 65,000 fans at Spartan Stadium in East Lansing last night.
- In a tribute to “Spiderman: The Musical”, a man dressed in a Spiderman costume, fell onto the stage from a high wire on the top of the set and had to be taken to the hospital.
- The guy who scheduled the music on my radio show was at the concert… he was the one who kept yelling at Bono, “Where’s Cher?”
Friday, the New York legislature approved gay marriage. The vote was hailed by celebrities sucy as Neil Patrick Harris, who said he would now marry his male partner in NYC and by caterers, wedding planners, china retailers and others in Manhattan’s wedding industry. They’re anticipating a tidal wave of extravagant gay weddings.
- Seamstresses are going crazy trying to crank out sets of “His” and “His” towels!
- In addition to announcing his upcoming nuptials, Neil Patrick Harris admitted that he suffers from erectile dysfunction leading to a new reality show: “Doogie Howser: ED”.
- The reaction was immediate among Lesbians, too. With hundreds of women yelling, “SHE went to Jared!”
Yi-Ci, a motion picture arts tudinet in Wuhan, China, posted a notice in her school’s dorm that she was seeking donations of old panties for her new artwork. She received several hundred pairps and used them to create an artwork made entirely of used panties, called “Privacy”.
- She got 50 pair alone from a “Mr. A. Weiner” of New York.
- Britney Spears promised to donate but couldn’t find a single pair that she’d actually worn.
The White House informed Detroit’s Big Three Automakers that the government is considering boosting fuel economy requirements to 56 miles per gallon by 2025.
- I thought the White House was a non-hallucinogenic zone?
- Actually it won’t be that difficult because given the state of the economy, by then we’ll all be driving soap box derby cars!
In a new memoir, “Life is Not a Stage,” “Brady Bunch ” mom Florence Henderson recounts her life in showbiz. But the story grabbing the headlines is her admission that in the 1960’s, she cheated on her husband and had a one-night-stand with New York’s playboy Mayor John Lindsay. She said she knew it was wrong… expecially when she got home the next day and found out he’d given her crabs. BTW… Lindsay sent her a note of apology and some flowers.
- “Sam the Butcher” may have given “Alice the Maid” meat on The Brady Bunch, but he stayed away from seafood!
- Florence says she’s been “itching to tell the story for years”.
Peter Falk died last Friday at the age of 83 of Alzheimer’s Disease. Two things: 
One… I think the movie “The In-Laws”, starring Peter Falk and Alan Arkin is one of the funniest movies of all time! And two… Back during the hey-day of “Columbo” a listener called me on the air one day and asked me what kind of car Columbo drove. I didn’t know, so I waited until 10am (7am Hollywood time) and called out to Universal Studios and they connected me to the Columbo offices. And who picked up the phone? None other than Peter Falk himself. He was as polite in person as he always was on the show as Columbo with all of his “Sirs”, “Yes, m’am’s” and “I beg your pardons”. A true gentlemen. He seemed thrilled in our interest in the car, and told me that he (Columbo) 
drove a French Peugeot that he (Peter) had actually picked out himself at a used car lot in LA. I Just wish I had had the chance to say to him… “Just one more thing…”
Below is a a scene from the show that sort of sums up “The Columbo Style”. Enjoy.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Well, T.G.I.F. to one and all! So, what did YOU think of this first week of summer? Me? I say @#$&! Come on, we’re just days away from July 4th, hey, summer solstice, cut us some slack and some sunshine already! Actually the weekend forecast looks pretty good, so enjoy it while you can. I’m so excited about the weather that in lieu of my usual Friday blog, I’m going to cover myself in # 500 sunscreen, relax, sit back and share a few moments from our Purtan’s People Past with you. (I’m not confident enough to call it a “Best Of”, but I think you’ll enjoy listening just the same) That being said…
Don’t look now, but the 2012 elections are just 17 months away! Good news for the lawn sign making printers! Actually, the 2012 Vote has been in the headlines lately, especially on the Republican side, as potential candidates jockey for position. 
In that spirit, we thought we’d bring you this conversation with our former morning show political analyst, Dave Peterson, himself a failed candidate for every imaginable office - from president to drain commissioner.
Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Dave Peterson! Click below and let the fun begin…
Have a safe, fun and hopefully sunny weekend everyone and we’ll see you right back here on Monday!
Dick
Rumors are running rampant that O.J. Simpson is set to confess to Oprah that he killed his wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman! 
Sources say that O.J. has already told one of Oprah’s producers that he killed Nicole “in self defense” and that a jailhouse interview will air on Oprah’s new OWN Network in the very near future. The ratings for OWN have been less than stellar and Oprah recently said that getting a confession from The Juice would be her “Dream Interview”.
- And afterwards, she’ll give all the inmates in the audience a pair of gloves and a set of steak knives!
- Some say it’s just a ploy to get viewers as in, “If the ratings are a mess… You must get OJ to confess!”
- Why would O.J. risk going to prison? Oh, wait, he’s already in prison for the next 33 years!
Kate may not be the only Middleton romantically involved with a Royal! Turns out her sister Pippa, 
who turned heads around the world with her white, sexy, body-hugging Maid of Honor dress at the big wedding, is reportedly dating none other than Prince Harry. The two allegedly hit it off at the nuptials and inside sources say Prince Harry told Pippa, “Call me!”
- So apparently, “Love is in the Heir!”
- Only a Royal would be lucky enough to ask, “Does she have a sister?” and actually get “Yes!” for an answer.
- With Harry’s penchant for wearing Nazi garb, I just hope Pippa doesn’t mind dressing up like Eva Braun and playing “Hunker in the Bunker”.