After a week of blaming a hacker for sending a photo of a his “Oscar Mayer”, in underpants to a college age Twitter follower, NY Rep. Anthony Weiner held a bizarre, tearful press conference Monday to admit he was lying. As most suspected, he admitted that the photo was of him, that he’s the one who sent it, and admitted to having similar chat/photo exchanges with at least six women. He claims it happened both before and after he married his wife.
- Weiner choked up when he talked about his wife, and she tried to choke him when she found out what he’d done.
- You know what they say about politics: “It’s a game of inches”. No wait… that’s football.
- “Weinergate” is in full schwing… I mean, swing!
NEW YORK POST HEADLINE: “Erections Have Consequences”
Even after admitting he blatantly lied and did something dumb and morally reprehensible, Weiner insisted that he’d violated no House rules and refused to resign from Congress. But his fellow Democrats aren’t rallying in support. Most distanced themselves, and Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi called for an ethics investigation to make sure he didn’t use any government computers for his kinky activities.
- So basically they’re going to have to check the computers for viruses.
- I just hope this doesn’t catch on and we ended up seeing a picture of Barney’s Frank.
BONUS AUDIO: When the driver of the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile died several years ago, Big Al delivered a special eulogy honoring his life. We thought it appropriate to play it now…
The New York Daily News reports that Der Kommissar saugage restaurant in Brooklyn tried to cash in on the scandal by offering a lunch special called “Anthony’s Weiners.” It’s two beef hots dogs on French bread brushed with olive oil, with sauerkraut and a pickle on the side. Customers laughed but hardly any one ordered it. The owner said, “We talked about serving the special on a bed of underwear, but we didn’t know what the reaction would be to that.”
- I do. “Yuck!”
- I hope they served it with condom-ments!
- Why two hot dogs? Is there something else Anthony isn’t telling us?
- They prepared the hots dogs in a special way: First they were steamed, then grilled.
The Bristol, England branch of Hooters is being investigated over claims that it’s violating a licensing agreement banning entertainment inappropriate for children. The Hooters is accused of holding a waitress bikini contest while kids were present and allegedly hosting a birthday party for a 12-year-old boy and his friends that included a cake shaped like breasts. Over 900 Britons have signed an online petition demanding that the Hooters be closed.
- In their defense, the “Breast Cake” was wearing a training bra made out of frosting.
- This gives a whole new meaning to the usual kid’s birthday treat: “The Bouncy House”.
- Even the boy’s mom signed the petition… but for some reason his dad didn’t.
Former CBS Evening News Anchor and NBC “The Today Show” co-host Katie Couric is jumping networks again. This time she’s signed a multi-million dollar deal with ABC to host a daytime talk show. Insiders say the show will be “topical with a scaled-back celebrity” element.
- In other words, Tom Cruise will be invited as a guest but he won’t be allowed to jump on her couch.
- Execs hope “The Katie Couric Show” will fill the void left by Oprah’s departure… and let’s face it, that’s a pretty big void!
- And instead of giving away cars, Katie will give every woman in the audience “some perkiness!”
The London-based social networking site Badoo.com surveryed 30,000 people in 15 countries to pick the most and least funny nationalities. American were chosen as the funniest people in the world. The least funny people of all: the Germans. They were followed by Russians, Turks, Brits and suprisingly, Americans.
- Americans wouldn’t have scored so high on the “funny” list but all the French people in the survey assume we’re all like Jerry Lewis.
- The German’s idea of funny is: “Knock Knock”. “Who’s there?”. “The Germans, and we’re here to invade your country!”
I once emceed a show starring Tom down at the old Olympia Stadium. As I recall the opening act was Gladys Knight. After her performance, I had to go on stage and announce that there would be a 20 minute intermission before Tom Jones came on. You haven’t lived until you’ve had 16,000 screaming women booing and throwing things at you. And trust me, they weren’t women’s panties! They were saving those for Tom!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
It’s D-Day. On this day in 1944, American, British and Canadian troops stormed the beaches of Normandy, France and began an eleventh month march to Berlin. This seaborne invasion, one of the great battles in history, cost thousands of lives, but ultimately led to freedom for the world.
Friday, former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards was indicted on six federal charges relating to hundreds of thousands of dollars given by a campaign donor used to cover up his affair with his baby mama and mistress, Rielle Hunter. He pleaded not guilty after refusing a plea deal that would have forced him to serve six months in prison. So it’s off to trial. Edwards claims that as awful as his behavior was, he broke no laws.
- Vows, yes. Laws, no.
- I understand why he doesn’t want to go to prison… they don’t let inmates have blow-dryers!
- If he does go to the hooscow, he’s a shoe-in for “Prison Prom Queen”!
- Apparently he misunderstood… The donations were intented to help him get Elected not Erected!
Last week First lady Michelle Obama introduced the USDA’s new “food plate” that shows the proper portions of each food group as part of her healthy eating campaign. Then USA Today reported that the very next day President Obama stopped for lunch at “Rudy’s Hot Dog” restaurant during a visit to an auto plant in Toledo. His order: Two chili dogs with mustard, onions, and cheese, plus French fries and an extra bowl of chili.
- He was just proving that you can get a full tank of gas for under 5 bucks!
- The Prez. claims he was just trying to save jobs… one for the waitress and one for the cook.
- It would have been hailed as a patriotic gesture if only he’d come to Detroit and gone to the “American Coney Island”!
- He’s going to get a “chili” reception from Michelle when he gets home!
Hackers working for the UK spy agency MI6 managed to infiltrate an online al Qaeda magazine called Inspire. Among the articles they hacked was a downloadable document called “Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom,” with directions on how to make bombs using household ingredients like sugar. The MI6 hackers replaced it with recipes from Ellen Degenere’s website for Mojito, Rocky Road and Carmel Apple cupcakes. The post was up for 2 weeks before al Queda noticed.
- Al Queda didn’t catch on because Ellen said the recipes “were to die for!”
- If only they’d put up a recipe for “Death by Chocolate” the terrorists never would have figured it out!
- They actually thought it was a typo and was supposed to read “How to make “CAMEL Apple Cupcakes”
Maureen Nyergers and her husband bought a house - WITH CASH - in Florida so they didn’t owe a penny on it. Imagine their surprise when Band of America mistakenly filed forclosure papers on them. They went to court and the judge ordered the bank to pay their legal fees. For 5 months, BOA ignored their attorney’s letters and calls so the couple decided to foreclose on the bank. The lawyer showed up at the BOA branch with deputies and movers, locked the bank manager out of the building and began seizing their assets: desks, chairs, computers, cash drawers and more. An hour later, the manager was back with a check for their legal fees.
- If this isn’t the “feel good story” of the year I don’t know what is!
- Of course now Bank of America is going to ask for a Government Bailout to cover the cost of the legal fees.
Entrepreneur magazine reports that while other restaurants are struggling, those that follow Hooter’s lead in offering sexy young waitresses in skimpy outfits, a big beer selection and big screen TVs are doing great. Hooter’s sales alone are up over the past two years - averaging $1 Billion annually. The magazine calls this type of establishment “Breastaurants”. One expert attributes their success to the fact that “they provide a service to men who may not have a person at home to take care of them in the same way.”
- Sounds like McDonald’s needs to “Supersize” the chests of it’s McWorkers instead of the fries!
- Big Breasts and Big TV’s… They should just open a restaurant called “The Boob Tube”.
- The guys especially like the waitress who serves as the designated “Coat Rack”.
- And all this time I thought guys went to Hooters for the great chicken wings!
- KFC tried to jump into the market with their “Bucket of Breasts” but it just wasn’t the same.
At last night’s Spike TV Guy Awards, Jennifer Aniston received the “Decade of Hottness Award” and promised to “keep downward-dogging until the fat lady sings”. BTW… “Downward-dogging” is a yoga exercise.
- Then Susan Boyle came out and sang and Jennifer had to stop “downward-dogging”.
- Helen Thomas received the “Decades of Not-Hotness Award” and promised to “keep making Jewish people mad until the fat lady sings”.
James “Marshall Matt Dillon” of Gunsmoke fame passed away on Friday at the age of 88. Ironically he died the same day as Dr. Jack Kevorkian. What makes it ironic? They were also born on the same day.
- And they both thought “Miss Kitty” had killer legs. Arness wanted to sleep with her and Kevorkian wanted to put her to sleep.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
My life has been changed by a duck! I’m not kidding. A momma duck has taken up residence in the front of my home. She located and built her nest in a corner about ten feet to the right of my front door. She’s been parked there for about three weeks now and the exterminator man (no, not a duck exterminator - a bug guy) told me a week ago that she would probably be there for another month. Take a look at the picture below and you’ll understand why we’ve taken to calling her “Octo-Duck Plus Two”. Yup. Ten eggs.
When we first saw the nest, we noticed that every time we opened the front door, momma-duck immediately left the nest and flew away. This of course left the soon-to-be duckings exposed and unattended. Not wanting to endanger them or make their mom mad, we decided to stop using the front door. (Luckily, I noticed that there are other doors in the house that lead to the outside.)
It worked fine for us, but not so much for the unsuspecting delivery guys who both showed up at the front door and said they almost had heart attacks when the well-camouflaged duck suddenly and noisily flew the coop. (She a big girl - lately we’ve been considering changing her name to “Kirstie Alley With Feathers”).
So now we play the waiting game. But not so over at Jackie’s house… Right, Jackie?
Jackie here…
About a week and a half ago, I walked out my front door to go get the mail. (I’m expecting a large sum of money from a nice man in Nigeria who e-mailed me a while back). But I digress… When I opened the door there was a VERY LOUD noise up and just to the right of my head and some straw-like stuff falling on my hair. Slightly frightened, my first thought was to run back in the house and call my dad. NOT. (He’s really good at a lot of things - but I wouldn’t exactly call him a”first-responder”).
Instead, I just looked up and much to my surprise, saw a beautifully sculpted bird’s nest sitting atop my front porch light. Obviously, Momma-bird wasn’t too thrilled by my arrival. So, I quickly and quietly went back inside and, realizing that I had other doors that lead to the outside (must be genetic), I decided not to use the front door for the duration.
But before long, curiosity got the better of me. I went outside through the garage, and as steathily as a member of SEAL Team 6, I approached my front porch, armed with my cell phone. I hid in the bushes until the bird took off. Then I made my move. With the nest up too high for me to see what was inside, I held my cell phone over my head and took a couple blind shots. Then I ran (like a chicken) back through the garage and into the house to see what I’d gotten.
And there they were… 4 incredible blue robins eggs. (I guess that’s where the name for the color “Robin’s Egg Blue” came from. Who knew?)
Now flash forward to this morning. I looked out the front window and noticed that the momma-bird was flying back and forth with something suspiciously worm-like hanging from her beak. A-ha! The stork must have made a delivery to the robin!
I went back into Special Op’s mode, grabbed my camera and got some video. It’s only 14 seconds, but I think it’s pretty cool!
On behalf of Dad and me… have a great weekend and we’ll see you back here Monday!
New York Rep. Anthony Weiner’s mouth just keeps digging him deeper into trouble. A female college student who was sent a photo of a “happy little congressmen” in boxer briefs through Weiner’s Twitter account insists she’s never even met Weiner, and he claimed it was a prank by a hacker. It might’ve ended there, but to the amazement of political insiders, he’s kept the story alive for nearly a week with combative press conferences in which he calls a reporter “jackass” and refused to request a formal investigation. Yesterday, he fanned the flames by insisting he didn’t send the lewd photo but that he “can’t say with certitude” that the photo isn’t of him.
- Why don’t they just ask Mrs. Weiner?
- Bill Clinton is thanking his lucky stars that “Twitter” hadn’t been invented when he was President.
- Reporters are calling this “The Battle of The Bulge”… without the Germans.
- If nothing else, the picture proves Congressman Weiner is a stand-up guy.
- If his political career fizzles, he can always join “Up With People”.
- Is it just me or does Mr. Weiner seem to be “relishing” the media coverage?
Mayor… Convict… Author! That’s right, The Kwamster has written an alleged tell-all memoir called “Surrendered: The Rise, Fall & Revelation of Kwame Kilpatrick”. The book won’t ship until late in July, but you can pre-order your copy NOW for just $26.95 at www.kwamekilpatrickbook.com. The website claims that Kwame will spill all the beans about his wife, his mistress, EVERYTHING. In short, Kwame says he will tell the truth.
- And of course I for one totally believe him!!!!!
- I was going to pre-order a copy of the book, but after my monthly household expenses, I only have $6 left.
The book may have to be a best seller for him to make any money. Under state law, Kilpatrick can’t profit from the memoir until his restitution and incarceration costs to the city are repaid. He still owes about $900,000 of the $1 million he agreed to pay after the text message scandal.
- If my math is right, that means he needs to sell 33,395 copies of the book just to pay off what he owes… In that case he should have called the book, “Harry Potter and the Adulterer’s Texts”.
A new survey by a travel company found that men and women have very different packing habits when it comes to going on vacation. For instance, men actually use 98 percent of the clothes they pack for a trip, while women use an average of only 62 percent of the stuff they take. And women will pack 10 pair of underwear for a a 7-day vacation, while men only take 3. Men say they figure they’ll wear swim trunks most of the time, or just do laundry if they need clean underwear.
- Men say they don’t do laundry at home! Why would they do it on vacation?
- The one exception was a “Mr. A. Weiner” who packed twenty pair of underwear and an extra cell phone to Twitter.
Eric Echales of Sarasota, Florida, was arrested Monday after he was allegedly spotted beside a road, dancing naked while listening to his iPod. He told a deputy that he “wanted to feel free.” Police believe alcohol may have been involved.
- Or maybe he was on day eight of his vacation and he’d run out of clean underwear.
- Question: Where did he clip-on his iPod?
- When I want to feel free, I just wear sandals with no socks.
After a week of blaming a hacker for sending a photo of a his “Oscar Mayer”, in underpants to a college age Twitter follower, NY Rep. Anthony Weiner held a bizarre, tearful press conference Monday to admit he was lying. As most suspected, he admitted that the photo was of him, that he’s the one who sent it, and admitted to having similar chat/photo exchanges with at least six women. He claims it happened both before and after he married his wife. 
- You know what they say about politics: “It’s a game of inches”. No wait… that’s football. 
