President Trump is firing back at The New York Times over a report that said his tax figures from 1985 through 1994 showed business losses of more than $1 billion.

- Trump responded… “And then in ‘95 I got out of the Red… and into the Orange! BTW… Thanks to my Stylist for Making My Hair Look Great Again!!!”


A woman in Nevada left Joe Biden speechless when she yelled “You can hug and kiss me anytime, Joe!”

- And I always thought Nancy Pelosi had a thing for Bernie Sanders. Boy was I wrong.


Harry & Meghan showed off their newborn baby boy to the public this morning… then headed to the Palace to introduce the baby to his Grandma, Queen Elizabeth.

- In keeping with Royal Tradition the Queen sat on her Throne and the Baby pooped his pants.


An attorney who describes herself as a “Queer, Feminist Mermaid” has announced she’s running to become a U.S. Senator from Maine.

- She wouldn’t be the first Half-Human to get a job in Washington.

- This makes perfect sense to me! Maine is right by the ocean so she’ll have a short swim to the office everyday.


A woman was arrested for trespassing at CIA Headquarters and asking to see “Agent Penis.”

- The Secret Service agents said that the man who they know as “Agent Penis” was out of town on a speaking tour with his wife Hillary.


Police in Pennsylvania arrested two women who stole $21,000 worth of lingerie from Victoria’s Secret.

- Police had deduced that they were “Armed, Dangerous & MARRIED”… since none of the stolen bras and panties matched.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!