A Goose who ran wild on the field at Comerica Park last night during a rain delay, evaded capture by Groundskeepers, only to fly straight into the scoreboard.

- The bird is fine... but he should have listened to the crowd chanting, "Duck! Duck! Goose!" 

*****

Roseanne Barr's ex, Tom Arnold, says "she did it on purpose". 

- But don't worry about her. I'm bettin' she's already got a plan to star in a reboot of "The Biggest Loser".  

*****

A car salesman in Texas is suing his boss for creating a "hostile work environment" by repeatedly "breaking wind" in the salesman's office to "keep him in line". 

- Sounds like someone isn't following the EPA's Emission Standards. 

- So much for that "New Car Smell". 

*****

Harvey Weinstein's attorney says that despite indictments handed down by a Grand Jury Thursday, "Harvey continues to maintain his position of innocence". 

- Which is new, since the women who had to deal with him said he loved to CHANGE positions. 

*****

Officials in Hawaii are warning residents not to roast marshmallows over flowing lava, as it could be dangerous. 

- Ya think?

- Apparently that whole "Pompeii" thing could have been avoided if the Girl Scouts hadn't been on a camping trip.

*****

A massive new study out of Britain found that people who need reading glasses are genetically prone to be more intelligent than those with good eyesight.

- If it's true... I have been a flipping GENIUS since I was 7!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick