Half of the eight mayoral hopefuls on Detroit’s primary ballot next week have been convicted of felony crimes - Mike Duggan and Coleman Young Jr. NOT among them. 

- The tip-off came when officials noticed the felons are running under the slogan "Make Detroit Corrupt Again!" 

*****

A 10 year old boy named Frank sent President Trump a letter offering to mow the White House lawn "Free of charge" and even offered to bring his own weed whacker. 

- Former President Clinton issued a statement that while he owned a weed whacker during his time in the WH, he "never inhaled". 

*****

The Dreamland Wax Museum in Boston is being mocked on Social Media for it's Wax Statue of Patriots QB Tom Brady calling it "creepy" and "nightmare inducing". 

- Colin Kaepernick said that if they ever put up a statue of HIM like that, he won't stand for it. 

*****

A study out of UCLA found that pets are having a huge impact on global warming with both their high meat consumption and their "emissions". 

- So ladies, if your husband blames "global warming" on your dog... he might be telling the truth. 

*****

A growing number of studies have found that American companies are having trouble filling jobs because the applicants can't pass a drug test. 

- It's even true for Walmart Greeters, although to be fair, their tests just come back positive for Lipitor and Geritol. 

*****

According to researchers at the University of Buffalo, ancient Humans had sex with a species of "non-Humans" who were similar, but genetically very different. 

- To put it in modern terms, it's kind of like sleeping with Charlie Sheen. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick