AUGUST??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I am officially declaring today July 32nd!

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The former site of a topless bar in Warren is being turned into a Dairy Queen. 

- Cones won't come small, medium and large... they'll be "B", "C" and "Double D". 

- Ironically, "Peanut Buster Parfait" was also the name of one of the dancers who used to work there. 

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President Trump fired White House Communications director Anthony Scaramucci after just 11 days on the job. 

- Scaramucci looks so much like a mobster, he should be happy he just got canned and not kissed on the lips and taken for a ride in a rowboat. 

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Despite the latest shake-up and continued leaks, Trump Tweeted that there is "No Chaos" at the White House. 

- Actually there was a guy named "Bob Chaos" but he got fired last week. 

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A new study found that blowing out the candles on a birthday cake increases the bacteria count by 1400%. 

- Thus the expression "You Can Have Your Cake and Get Sick From It Too". 

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A 34-year-old man was arrested TWICE on Sunday afternoon for walking naked through a Massachusetts town filled with shoppers and diners. 

- Apparently when the first cop told him to go home and put something on, he thought he meant Sunscreen. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick