Michael Phelps will go for his record breaking 20th Gold Medal at the Olympics in Rio tonight. 

- That's more than anyone in history - except Kim Jong Un who claims he's won 21. 

*****

Donald Trump's Economic speech was interrupted 17 times as 16 female and one male protestors were escorted from the building. 

- I had no idea Ted Cruz was in town. 

*****

In his speech, Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton the "Candidate of the Past". 

- Hillary told supporters, "Don't worry... I deleted the past". 

*****

President Obama played his 300th round of golf as President yesterday. 

- Every single drive hooked far to the left.

*****

The attorney for the infamous Mexican Drug Kingpin "El Chapo" claims his client is so stressed by being in prison that he's going bald. 

- It's so bad, Prison Guards are calling him "El Rogaine-O". 

*****

A British study found that being overweight makes your brain look 10 years older than a skinnier person's brain. 

- The good news is there's an anti-aging cream for that. The bad news is, it's really hard to rub it onto your brain.  

*****

Angelina Jolie announced that she won't be teaching a class at Georgetown University after all.

- This is a real blow to students who signed up for her class so they could be adopted by her. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick