It's Queen Elizabeth's 88th Birthday today.
- Or as Prince Charles calls it: "Is She EVER Going To Die? Day"
- One story said she was turning 87 and another 88...So obviously the Queen lies about her age.
- At this point, the only "Family Jewels" she has any interest in are locked in the Tower of London.
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Despite receiving a petition signed by over 250,000 Americans asking for Justin Bieber to be deported, the White House announced that they would not get involved.
- Apparently Sasha and Malia have more input into the whole "Immigraton Issue" than we thought.
- If they won't deport him...how about just deporting his music?
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Larry Flint says that since 1983, he's sent each member of Congress a subscription to Hustler Magazine.
- If you'd like to buy Barney Frank's collection, it's in "never-been-touched" mint like condition.
- Well now we know what Congressman are doing to stay awake during those pesky filibusters.
- One of the Supreme Court judges asked to borrow a copy from a Congressman saying, "I can't define pornography, but I bet I'd know it if you let me see it!"
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The National Confectioner's Association says that children ate over 90 million chocolate bunnies on Easter this year.
- Outraging the people at PETCA...the People for the Ethical Treatment of Chocolate Animals.
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A New Jersey man was shocked to receive a jury duty notice addressed to his dog.
- He's got a big dog, so if he gets picked it's gonna be one hung jury.
- They're already making a movie about it called, "Twelve Angry Dober-Men".
- There was a dog on another famous jury. It was known as "Rover v. Wade".
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A study by Career Fast found that "lumberjack" in the worst job in the world, because it's dangerous and there's falling demand for service.
- Isn't the whole point of their "service" to make things fall down?
- Being "Linsday Lohan's Drug Counselor" came in a close second.
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The Wu Tang rapper that cut off his own penis was said to be high on PCP at the time of the incident.
- His manager says he will go back to performing but will change his name to "Used-To-Be-Biggie-Now-Small".
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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick