Madonna was skewered on twitter for showing up at a charity event with her face swollen from plastic surgery.
- She did it on purpose to distract from the limp she was sporting from her hip-replacement surgery.
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Tiger Woods kicked his girlfriend, Olympic skier Lindsay Vonn out of his house, thus ending their relationship.
- Apparently he’s learned it’s better to kick the woman out before she chases you out with a nine iron.
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President Obama will appoint Susan Rice as his National Security Advisor this afternoon.
- Her first job is to go on five Sunday morning talk shows and explain that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was a spontaneous reaction to an anti-sushi YouTube video.
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A new study found that more than a third of US marriages now start online, and those that do, are slightly happier than couples who met offline.
- Or as “offline” used to be known…actually going on a date.
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The New York Office of Mental Health is selling a refrigerator from the Morgue, on eBay.
- The morgue fridge is described as “previously enjoyed”.
- It’s a great place to keep expired food until garbage day!
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German doctors say a man spent 15 years with a pencil stuck in his head after a childhood accident.
- The man was so traumatized, he actually erased the event from his memory.
- This explains why everyone called him “Dixon Ticonderoga” even though his name was Bob.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick